SHOULD I LEAVE THIS ENGAGEMENT OR SHOULD I KEEP TRYING?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

You both don’t sound mature enough for marriage, but especially him. I personally wouldn’t stay with a man who acted like this much of a child. It will likely only get worse with time, being married won’t magically fix it.

This doesn’t sound like a healthy, stable, open and honest relationship with clear communication and mutual respect, which is essential before even considering marriage. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Post # 4
Member
1158 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@kaygel:  what would your advice be to to your best friend if she told you all this?

Post # 5
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee

I would call off he engagement; it sounds like neither one of you is ready, and like someone else said, getting married isn’t going to suddenly change your relationship and make it better. If you really want to be with him, take away the pressure of the engagement and just date each other – no big commitments, no living together or plans for engagement, just date and get to know each other better. If you only got engaged after being together for 7 months, I think there’s still a lot you need to learn about each other, yourselves and your relationship. If you still love him in a year or so, thrn maybe you can start talking about engagement again.

Post # 6
Member
4223 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

No, do not get married to this man. 

Post # 7
Member
785 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

IMO relationships that are “on and off” go no where and I would not marry someone who tells me my feelings are not valid.

its not a healthy relationship

Post # 8
Member
785 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

He also sounds kind of controlling. I dont like how he makes you take your ring off and goes as far as calling his family (I would be embarrassed) and then straight to “I’m sorry marry me again”. 

Again, IMO, I have been with my FI for almost 5 years. We have never taken a break, broken up, or threatened each other with anything like that. So IMO we have been together and in love since March 12, 2009.

When people are on and off, you have only been “in love” and dating since the last time you decided to get together again. I don’t think you know him well enough and for this reason I would at the very least call off the engagement or break up with him.

Post # 9
Member
1389 posts
Bumble bee

TBH I didn’t read this.  My standard answer to anyone going on a forum asking if they should break off the engagment is YES.  If it that bad you need strangers to tell you, you should not get married.

Post # 10
Member
2335 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

If he threatens calling off the engagement over any little argument then it sounds to me like he is either trying to control you (make you fearful of giving your own opinion in case it does get called off so in the end you will just let him choose everything) or he isn’t ready for marriage and the commitment and is looking for an excuse.

I think the fact that you are unsure yourself also speaks volumes and I think you should listen to what your head is saying.

Post # 11
Member
4513 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I wouldn’t be with someone who called off our engagement all the time over little issues. I’d tell him to keep that ring the next time he takes it off.

Post # 12
Member
2696 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@kaygel:  I would not marry him. Sounds like he’s very childish and can’t have a adult coversation and when you have an opinion opposite of him, he uses the engagement to control you. I would leave him.

Post # 13
Member
3389 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Childish behavior. Not ready for marriage. Move on! unless of course you enjoy being treated like a child. 

Post # 14
Member
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@kaygel:  I’m going to guess that you’re both pretty young because you rushed into an engagement so quickly and by the way you argue. I’d say you’re not ready to be married or even engaged. You don’t know each other well enough and you’re not communicating well. 

I would get pretty fed up with someone jerking my chain like he’s jerking yours. Not cool. If you’re fed up, then leave. If you stay, put the engagement on the back burner and insist you go to couples counseling.

Post # 16
Member
232 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@kaygel:  Ahh, he likes to threaten you because that’s probably the only way he knows how to cope with and handle your situations. This behavior can be easily fixed with counseling. To be honest if you give him the chance I would set the wedding date back because this will take time, but certainly not impossible. 

I’m in no way saying how he threatens you is ok, I’m just saying it is possible for him to change his method of thinking and how he approaches dealing with arguments(and if he puts in the effort to)

 

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