Should I let baby fever stop me from planning a DW?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1599 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@BruinBeeMPH:  Why not have a bit of both? Have the small but fancy DW and then have a bigger, more casual reception for everyone that couldn’t make it? FI and I are not doing a destination, but we’re having two “weddings” on the same day bc we both wanted our real, legal ceremony to be with only the people closest to us.

Post # 5
1007 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Could you do a mini destination wedding with that same group of people that wouldn’t require flying?  I assume that a 2-3 hour road trip while in late pregnancy would be possible, right?  There are plenty of gorgeous beaches within that distance of Los Angeles, and plenty of luxury hotels.  

I realize this wouldn’t limit your guest list the way you want as much as a long flight would, but I’m guessing that with such a tight budget you weren’t planning to invite everyone and just hope they’d rsvp no- so it shouldn’t make a big difference.  

Post # 7
1002 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Personally I wouldn’t sacrifice my dream wedding for anyone TTC. It’s YOUR & your FIANCE’S big day! Celebrate the way you’d want to! You can always have something casual and low key when you return if the prego’s can’t make it. 

Have the wedding in Hawaii and have a good time! Hawaii is beyond gorgeous and I’d have LOVED to have my wedding there.

Post # 8
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@BruinBeeMPH:  Short answer no.  Long answer maybe.  It depends on how much you want these guests to attend your wedding.  Planning a DW inherently means that a large portion of your guests most likely won’t be able to go, be it issues with money or taking time off or other commitments.  If you’re okay with that then do it.  If not, there are plenty of ways to save money, you just have to scale back the wedding.

Having an inexpensive wedding doesn’t mean it has to look cheap, it just means you need more time to plan so you can research more vendors and DIY some stuff.  I highly recommend reading the book Bridal Bargains to get an idea of where you can cut your budget without looking cheap.  The best thing we did was stop thinking about our wedding as a lavish affair with no expense spared and started thinking about our wedding as a fun, casual backyard BBQ that we happen to get married at.  None of our guests has complained about us scaling back and in fact most react very positively when we mention how laid back the wedding is going to be.

Post # 9
46 posts
  • Wedding: June 2014

@BruinBeeMPH:  I think it’s sweet of you to be considerate about the others coming to your DW. I assume there’s no way you could move up the date? 

I think you should have the wedding you want to have. I think you will be unhappy if you try to plan a wedding in your area and potentially go over budget, or end up with a bunch of extra guests. I really empathize because in our planning I’ve noticed that once I invite B family member I’m close to it means I have to invite A, C, and D members too… the guest list creep is a real thing! And that can have real implications if you’re getting married in an expensive area. If you want a smaller, more intimate wedding, I think you should try to stick to that or you’ll cause more stress down the line.

It may be that some important people aren’t able to travel when you have your date, but honestly I think you’ve done what you can to give them a heads up and they have done the same for you. Everyone is aware of the other’s plans, and are aware of the risks. I hope it all works out for you!

Post # 10
478 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Could you push the wedding up a bit? I’m guessing no one is pregnant yet! could you have it in the next 6 months in Hawaii?

Or.. You COULD have your small wedding close to home. Don’t want lots of people there? Don’t invite them.

Post # 11
574 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

NO.  Have the wedding you want because you will regret it down the road. Trust me I am living that right now. See my post in the biggest regrets thread. We canceled our destination wedding because of his parents and had a local wedding. While it was a great day, I’m still not satisfied because it wasn’t what I wanted. Can’t wait to renew our vows on a beach in the islands and get the pictures I envisioned.




Post # 12
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

@Dancing-in-September:  “Could you push the wedding up a bit? I’m guessing no one is pregnant yet! could you have it in the next 6 months in Hawaii?

I was going to suggest something similar – if it’s that important to you to not only have those friends and family at your wedding but to also have the wedding in Hawaii, why not move the wedding to an earlier date?

Post # 13
1822 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - TTC #2

I don’t think you should sacrifice the dreams you’ve had for so long over this.

As another pp said, you could maybe either reschedule the wedding (bring it forward or push it back) but the thing is all your friends’ timelines will be different, and the length of time it takes them to conceive will be different, so I don’t think this is really something you can plan around. You’ll just have to let everything fall into place as the date comes closer and just hope for the best. And I’m sure your friends will do everything they can to attend! I think it helps that most/all are 2nd timers, so they’ll know what to expect- like how tired or mobile they’ll be.

Post # 15
2316 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@PinkMermaid:  + 1


I wouldn’t change my wedding plans for people who are TTC. What if they aren’t successful straight away? Are you going to wait until they’ve all conceived and given birth. As you have given them plenty of warning of when the wedding is, it is up to them whether or not they TTC during the months that might affect them. I think if it was their first child then I may be more understanding but as it is a second for each of them, not as much. 

Post # 16
1368 posts
Bumble bee

One thing is a known, you are getting married. One thing is unknown, you dunno if they are going to get pregant. Just because someone hopes to get pregant doesnt mean they will. It could take a while, it may never happen, or it coul dhappen suddenly.

I wouldn’t postpone my wedding on a what if. Not this anyway. If someoen close to me were going to die, thats different.

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