(Closed) Should I let go of my dream?

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: What should I do?
    Be patient. The proposal will come in time and you can plan something different. : (8 votes)
    12 %
    Talk to him and tell him how you feel. : (48 votes)
    73 %
    Toss him back. He's not committed and there's a reason why he hasn't popped the question. : (6 votes)
    9 %
    Keep planning, get a dress and all and hope he asks before the trip. : (2 votes)
    3 %
    Other. : (2 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    5658 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 2012

    It seems really odd to me that he is still holding on to that ring. You’ve made plans to get married that he seems on board with, he already bought the ring… yet he hasn’t proposed? I can understand your frustration.

    Either he doesn’t understand that you want that ring now and not later, in which case perhaps you just have to be more direct (but gentle), or he has something planned for the proposal and it’s closer to the start of your vacation.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1638 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I can understand your frustration! Knowing that he has the ring and hasn’t proposed yet is nerve wrecking! With that said I think you should wait it out a bit longer. No guy likes to be asked when he is going to propose (I know my FI got very annoyed with me even talking about it) they want to do it in their own time. Maybe wait another month or so then just ask him what’s up and tell him your feelings. I would make sure to say you aren’t pressuring him but you just wanted to know where things stand etc. Good luck!

    Post # 5
    Member
    2781 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I’m so sorry that you’re feeling so frustrated! And if I were in your shoes I probably would be exactly the same. 

    I think you need to talk to him very directly about it. It sounds like he either doesn’t know that you want to plan the wedding now or thinks you may be engaged despite the lack of proposal or something. I think if you get a chance to explain to him – without getting upset – that this is how you feel then something will click for him. Talk to him about his timeline, explain yours. Don’t give up on your dream just yet – there’s still time. But make sure he knows that it takes time to plan and organize a wedding – maybe he thinks you can just buy a dress and a plane ticket and Bob’s your uncle.

    Post # 6
    Member
    3762 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    You are more patient than I would be.

    I would go to him and say, look, you said you wanted to do St. Lucia in October.  If I don’t have the ring by the end of this month (end of August) then we can’t book that trip as our wedding/honeymoon.  That is fine if he isn’t ready/whatever, but timeline wise, this just can’t happen any later than that. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    10851 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Stupid question, but does he think that he should give you the ring while you’re IN St Lucia (treating it like a wedding band?!)? Maybe he’s not clueing in here…. While I’m not one for ultimatums, but maybe he doesn’t understand/hasn’t thought about the dress situation, etc. It doesn’t sound like he’s trying to avoid the situation, it just sounds like he’s oblivious! I’m so sorry hon, I can totally understand why you’re frustrated. I would just have a point blank conversation with him and lay it all out on the line.

    Post # 9
    Hostess
    16217 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    You poor thing. Sounds like you two just have different timelines—if he bought the ring, I’m sure he has a plan. Unfortunately, it just differs from yours. Talk to him. Without spoiling his plan for proposal, find out whether you should be considering wedding plans now or thinking of a different approach. Maybe he’s planning to propose on your trip? I have no way of knowing, but I do have faith that he’s not mindlessly putting it off. I know it’s so frustrating, but try to be open to what he thinks. Good luck, girl.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1079 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    It sounds like you guys have very busy lives. I imagine you’re so focused on other things that planning a wedding isn’t priority, at least for your boyfriend. I’d tell him how you feel. But I think it doesn’t mean anything about your relationship that he hasn’t formally proposed – just that you lead busy and fulfilled lives in other ways.

    Post # 11
    Member
    592 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I would explain your confusion to him. Like the others, I wonder if he plans to propose on the trip and doesn’t realize you expect him to propose prior to the actual wedding. Or else maybe he thinks the ring will be your wedding ring and he will give it to you at the ceremony.

    I would gently explain to him what you’ve said here about not wanting to go further with the wedding planning without being officially engaged. Tell him you want him to be able to propose how he wants, but that your not sure if that means you should push ahead with the wedding plans, or change the date. My guess is that once you have a real heart to heart about this it will all become clearer. It makes no sense to me that he would buy the ring and tell you to plan the wedding if his intentions weren’t to marry you. It sounds like you may have a case of miscommunication.

    Post # 12
    Member
    10367 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Wow….he must really not understand the whole “It takes a long time to plan a wedding” thing. You need to legitimately talk about a timeline with him. He seems to really not get that you’ve been waiting, and the ramifications of that. Especially since you want to get married in less than two months, that needed to happen, like, *yesterday*. I mean, airfare alone needs to be bought at least a month in advance, let alone actually doing the planning for the ceremony. Looks like October may not be happening for you…

    Post # 13
    Member
    3762 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    Even though the trip is booked, you said it was only cheaper if you have the wedding there.  You could still put a deadline on it.  Say, look, if we are doing the wedding on 10.10.10 when we are on vacation then I need the month of September to plan (buy a dress, book with the venue, etc).  If I don’t have a ring on my finger by the end of this month we just can’t get married then. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    2305 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: January 2012

    I would blatantly come out and ask him why that ring isn’t on my finger. Seems like he’s on board with the 10.10.10 wedding but is stalling for some reason you need to find out why.

    Maybe he’s just procrastinating. You need to explain to him you need to get the ball rolling.

    **Food for thought though, Do you think he hasn’t propose because he wants to keep it a secret since you plan to elope? I mean it would make things considerably easier if ppl weren’t constantly asking when is the wedding?

    Post # 16
    Member
    5978 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I think talking to him was a good idea (I also voted for that above). It sounds like he really didn’t know how long you needed to plan, and maybe he was even thinking of proposing the first day of vacation and getting married somewhere in the middle there. Because you did talk with him, and found out that he thinks this trip is your wedding/honeymoon too, I think he will get his rear in gear and propose sooner than later.

    And just something to say here…I don’t think you have at all pressured him into this. It’s clear that he WANTS to marry you, but life is getting in his way. I say that you should continue planning and the engagement will only be a matter of time at this point.

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