Should I Let This One Go, Once and For All?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
720 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Let it go! I think you’re really overreacting about something that sounds totally, 100% innocent. It’s not worth it to be so upset about something that wasn’t ANYTHING. All he did was mention her once in a conversation years ago. Think about that. Is that something worth getting upset over? I know it’s hard to just turn that off, but honestly, it doesn’t sound like she is or ever was a threat to your relationship. 

Post # 4
Member
4441 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@mrs_pudding_pop:  This was before you so yes, you need to get over it.  As you said he hasn’t done anything with her sexually and he hasn’t messaged her since shortly after you guys got together.

Post # 5
Member
5222 posts
Bee Keeper

@mrs_pudding_pop:  for your own sanity, you have to let this go.  This is kind of ridiculous, he hasn’t done anything to make you feel insecure about this, makes strides to ensure that you don’t get upset about things ( ie not posting things on FB) and it still looks like you’re trying to pick fights with him about her. I would be utterly exhausted and irritated if DH acted that way towards someone I never dated, hooked up with or even hung out with alone.

You’re working yourself up over nothing, it is just manufactured stress. 

Post # 6
Member
4212 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

It doesn’t sound to me like she’s much of a threat if any, and I am a super jealous, paranoid person when it comes to stuff like this.

I think it’s harmful to keep pushing him on this though. Obviously he felt you two clicked. You’re engaged and he loves you. If you’re not comfortable having her on his FB etc just delete her. He doesn’t seem to care much about keeping in contact with her anyway.

I got into this bad habit of badgering/questioning by BF (now DH) thinking I could grill him into confessing something if it were happening. It’s something you do to try and protect yourself from getting hurt. That’s captain anxiety talking, and it’s not logical and does not work and leaves him feeling like he’s not trusted.

It honestly sounds to me like your fiance is a trustworthy guy and you have nothing to worry about. All the questioning in the world can’t protect you from someone who would try to cheat or lie anyway, but I don’t think you need to be concerned from what it sounds like.

 

Post # 7
Member
1018 posts
Bumble bee

@mrs_pudding_pop:  

“they were friends for a brief time and then I came along and we fell in love.”

 

Keep this in mind! He knew her before he fell in love with you. Which means even if he was crushing on her, he was blown away with you and chose YOU.

I know it’s hard not to get jealous sometimes but the point is if he wanted to be with her he would have pursued it, but he met you and pursued you 🙂

Post # 8
Member
3777 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

You gotta let it go, man! You’re causing yourself, and your relationship, a lot of unnecessary stress. It’s all in your head.

I know the feeling, I did the same sort of thing when DH and I first started dating. You just have to ignore those irrational thoughts.

Post # 9
Member
9219 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Yes, you need to let this go.  They were not even in a relationship, ever.  I’m sure you’re making him feel like he wishes he had never mentioned liking this woman.  This is extreme jealousy and insecurity to an unhealthy level, as I’m sure you know.  Besides, Facebook is stupid.  Why are you letting something this insignificant take up real estate in your head?  Life is too short to dwell on things that are imaginary.  He was not with her.  She is not his ex. 

Really, the first mistake you made was ever having that conversation in the first place.  Never ask a question you don’t want the truthful answer to.  And never talk about things like that with your man.  It never leads to anything good.  Give yourself a good brain scrub about that initial conversation, like it never happened, and drop it already.

Post # 10
Member
2179 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

This was years ago, they never had a physical relationship, doesn’t seem like they were anything other than friends so you should REALLY drop it. It seems you are only causing problems with your FI by bringing it up.

Post # 11
Member
3777 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@mrs_pudding_pop:  As for facebook, I would hide her posts, and DON’T GO LOOKING at her profile to see what she posts, and don’t obsess over her comments or likes on your man’s posts. FB can ruin relationships if you let them, and can cause so much stress.

Post # 13
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@mrs_pudding_pop:  How do I not cringe everytime she posts something and feel anxious over FI? 


Remove her from Facebook. Why do you have an ex of his on there? Anyway, even if you don’t want to do this it is time to let it go. He hasn’t even messaged her or what not for a very long time, since you guys got together. 

Post # 14
Member
2084 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@mrs_pudding_pop:  Wow…you need to let it go or it will cause major damage in your relationship. He is with you…why the insecurity and jealousy over nothing? Men don’t like being controlled and he obviously feels like that’s what is happening since he is afraid to even “like” this girl’s FB status for fear of your reaction. This is not healthy and honestly he will grow very tired of it after awhile.

Also….is it just me or does anyone else pretty much NEVER seem to have conversations with their FI about past crushes on mutual friends, relationships or random hookups? Continually having these sorts of useless conversations will certainly lead to hurt feelings and resentment. Focus on your future with your man…let these fixations on trivial events from the past go.

 

 

 

Post # 15
Member
4212 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@mrs_pudding_pop:  No, I totally get what you’re going through. You have anxiety brain and it’s taking over, which I totally get because mine takes the wheel far too damn often.

You tell that little jerk in your brain to stop being a jerk! Focus on the logic, not the “what if?”.

Post # 16
Member
5966 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

@mrs_pudding_pop:  You really have to let this one go. All of this sounds so immature to me and really kind of extreme since there is not one thing I can see in your post that would make me suspicious even a little bit. I would be very frustrated if I was in your FI’s shoes.

Seems a little extreme to get anxious over just seeing her post on FB. I would continue in therapy and even bring up this one person to find ways to try and get over this. You run a big risk of doing damage to your relationship if you keep up  this kind of thing. I would be so mentally exhausted and frustrated at DH if he did something like this.

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