Post # 1
I had a falling out with two of my best friends, ladies who have gone through two decades of friendship with me, people who have seen me through family problems, guy problems, illness, job loss, academic hardships… everything. They’ve been my source of strength for almost 20 years.
Since I got engaged, things began to sour between myself and one girl, and then the other girl got caught in the middle and took her side. We haven’t spoken in months. I never imagined when we were growing up that I’d be getting married and they wouldn’t be standing with me at the altar. It breaks my heart to think they won’t be a part of my wedding. I tried calling them last month, but it seems they’ve deleted my number from their phones because they didn’t even recognize me. But still, I miss them, and I’m wondering if I should fix the friendship and have them as bridesmaids? How do you begin to fix a ruptured friendship? They haven’t made any efforts to contact me, so I’m not sure what i should do.
Post # 3
Maybe just reach out to them and ask if they would like to meet up to talk. I would just tell them you miss them and see how they are feeling about your friendship. Its worth a shot to see how they feel. I wouldnt force the issue of being bridesmaids right from the beginning though. If you are able to reconnect with them and things go well then you can definitly include them in your special day. Good luck!
Post # 4
Oh wow, your situation was similar to my own! My best friend (make that ex-best friend, I guess) will no longer return my calls or e-mails, and hasn’t since a few days before Thanksgiving of LAST YEAR. I had planned to ask her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor. She won’t even tell me what I did to upset her. In March, she posted a birthday list on MySpace, and I asked her to send me her new address so I could send her a birthday card and wedding invite, if she was interested. She didn’t bother responding.
We have a mutual friend who won’t get involved because she doesn’t want to pick sides. I respect that. She’s getting married this coming spring, and having our friend as a Bridesmaid. My husband and I discussed it, and we think we likely won’t be invited because of the problems with the Bridesmaid or Best Man. *sigh*
I would definitely try reaching out. So at least you know you tried, if nothing else. I have given up on my friend, but hopefully yours will come around.
Post # 5
I’m so sorry you’re going through that, it’s very hard to lose friendships. I had a best friend who was like a sister to me who stopped talking to me. It hurt, I reached out multiple times and finally had to let it go. I still miss her and am still hurt, but at least I know I tried. You can reach out and hopefully it will be reciprocated. If it’s not, at least you know you did what you could…and you have the bees 🙂
Post # 6
I’m a fan of reaching out to your friends.
My best friend and I had a HUGE fight during spring break of our senior year of college. We had been best friends since freshman year of high school (8 years!). When we got home from spring break we didnt talk for about a year and a half. One day one of us called the other (I can’t remember who called who!) and we talked for about 2 hours! We both apologized and caught up and I was so happy to have her back in my life. A few years later, when I got engaged, I had no question about who would be my Maid/Matron of Honor. She absolutely went above and beyond as Maid/Matron of Honor, my other BMs didn’t help her but I still had an AMAZING shower and in the days before the wedding I would not have survived without her!
It can’t hurt to reach out to them, just be prepared to let the fight go completly.
Post # 7
I think first you need to try and repair the friendships before you go on and invite them to be part of the bridal party (because face it, if they have deleted you from their phones/lives, they may turn down the honor). Friendships are funny things and can definitely sour when weddings/new marriages and budding families come into play. I know I have had to make an effort to get back in touch with my best friend since jr. high – she has since moved to Chicago with her husband, etc and we never completely lost touch but are just now really becoming best friends again. Make a date for coffee with one or both of them – maybe just one at a time since each may have her own concerns/thoughts and may only want to air them with one person at a time, etc. Or have lunch, or a drink after work or something. Friendships are definitely like other types of relationships – they have to be watered and nutured like flowers otherwise they wither and die. Best of Luck, I know it’ll work out! 🙂
Post # 8
I’m sorry. That happened to me too. I had a falling out with one friend, (and another who sided with her.) They both would have been in my wedding. But it didn’t work out. I have since patched things up with the friend I originally had an argument with, but that was well after my wedding. But better late than never right? And the friend who took sides, well I still ahven’t spoken with her. It’s been 10 years. But I’m not sure I care anymore, and don’t wish her any malice.
Post # 9
I just have this fear that if I reach out to them they will turn me down. I hate to admit it, but that’s the kind of people they are, which is probably what made us fight in the first place. When I got engaged, one of them was extremely jealous and things started to sour between us since that engagement. Then the second friend got caught in the middle, and she didn’t speak to me for four months, she avoided my phone calls and emails, etc. She didn’t even call me when she heard that my grandfather got sick and was in his death bed. These are girls who used to have dinner at my house and were close to my family.
My fiance, who has been wonderful, kind and tolerant of me this whole time often asks me why I want to continue being friends with them, when the friendship was kind of toxic to my life. I don’t know how to answer him. He’s right– these girls are somewhat selfish, and they never admit when the’yre wrong, and they’re actually the ones who owe me an apology, yet they haven’t made an effort to let me know I’m still important to them.
Pathetic as it may be, they’re still closest friends I’ve had for the past twenty years. So even though they’re not perfect, I feel like they’ve helped make me who I am, we’ve been through so much together and my life is so strange without them. I just lost my grandfather, and my grandmother is now in a coma. I feel overwhelmed with these family tragedies and the wedding planning. They haven’t apologized to me. I’m not sure what I should say when I call them. I would apologize, but what for? I didn’t do anything wrong. My engagement was supposed to be the happiest time in my life because I’m preparing to marry the man of my dreams. Instead, it’s bitter sweet because my friends have abandoned me, and I’m not even sure whether I should fix things or just let them go. And if I’m supposed to let them go, i don’t even know how.
Post # 10
Oh Anniebear, how sad! *hugs*
In my case, my friend and I had been through a lot. Like every friendship, we’d had our fights, but it was never anything serious. In your case, it sounds like they were toxic friends, and you’re probably better off without them.
I don’t have many close friends either, which is why it really sucked to lose my best friend. Hell, it still hurts every time I think about it. I have dreams that we are friends again…that we talk and apologize to each other…and when I wake up and it’s not real, it really hurts.
How could someone who was supposed to be our friend treat us like this? Jerks. lol.
Post # 11
Oh thats just so sad. I feel for you as i have had a similar thing, she was my bridesmaid and now is not. Loosing a friendship is very similar to grieving i believe, its like breaking up with a partner. I can understand why you want to reach out to them despite how they make you feel and how “toxic” people like that can be.
Is it harder to accept you think because they know you so well, inside and out and now you dont have that, it is so much harder to get that same depth of friendship with someone “new”?
I would reccomend reaching out, putting yourself out there, but if they knock you back or make you feel bad about yourself even in the slightest, fall back on your family, fi and other friends so that you DO know that you are loved and a beautiful person. Dont keep trying if they push you away, you will hurt yourself to much. You sound like a gorgeous girl who really doesnt need that or the self esteem battering that can come with it.
I really hope it works out for you and that you can mend your friendship and if you cant, just remeber you have a man who loves you and wants to marry you and you will have a lot to offer the many people you are yet to meet and forge friendships with. xoxox