Should I make her a bridesmaid?

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: What should she be?
    Bridesmaid : (2 votes)
    14 %
    Honorary bridesmaid : (12 votes)
    86 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    5 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    No you shouldn’t.  It’s your day.  Just because you’re in someones wedding doesn’t mean they have to be in yours. Here you’ve made her an honorary.  If she’s truly happy for you, she’ll be happy with whatever role you give her.  

    Post # 4
    Member
    295 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    Can you explain the purpose of an honorary bridesmaid please?

    As I see it, you either are one or you aren’t?

    Post # 6
    Member
    133 posts
    Blushing bee

    Don’t do the “honorary” bridemaid thing. You’re basically saying they are good enough to help you plan, buy a dress in a certain color, and basically do all things bridesmaid but stand up with you. You should choose those people (not just women) that are closest to you. Who cares if sides are even? Not choosing someone to stand beside you because it won’t look good and will bother you is kind of crappy and seems like you place more importance on aesthetics than your friends. 

    I’m not trying to be rude, but please consider passing on this. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    2891 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    @rachelroo:  Why don’t you take her to lunch and ask her advice? If you love her (she sounds cool) then hear what she has to say. If she’s already got a role in the wedding as cross bearer (punny!) then she may not want to be a bridesmaid, honorary or otherwise. 

    For context, I wasn’t sure if I wanted my older sister to be a brides matron (she had a bad experience as a bridesmaid) but had always imagined that she’d be up there with me. I gave her the option of being a bridesmatron or the officiant And that she had as much time as she needed to think about it. 

    We discussed it several times so I could make sure that she’s participating in the way she wants to be. She kept asking what I wanted because I typically am very particular. 

    But for you, a frank conversation with you SIL may help resolve this situation with less stress 🙂

    Post # 8
    Member
    2891 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    @rachelroo:  Why don’t you take her to lunch and ask her advice? If you love her (she sounds cool) then hear what she has to say. If she’s already got a role in the wedding as cross bearer (punny!) then she may not want to be a bridesmaid, honorary or otherwise. 

    For context, I wasn’t sure if I wanted my older sister to be a brides matron (she had a bad experience as a bridesmaid) but had always imagined that she’d be up there with me. I gave her the option of being a bridesmatron or the officiant And that she had as much time as she needed to think about it. 

    We discussed it several times so I could make sure that she’s participating in the way she wants to be. She kept asking what I wanted because I typically am very particular. 

    But for you, a frank conversation with you SIL may help resolve this situation with less stress 🙂

    Post # 9
    Member
    508 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    If I were you, i’d have them all be bridesmaids and only pick your MOH to stand up at the aisle, if it’s that small.  That way there’s no “tier” of bridesmaids.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1864 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I don’t get the point of an honorary bridesmaid. A regular bridesmaid doesn’t really have to do anything to help plan, either, so I do not see a difference there. And I think it’s unfair to expect anyone to shell out money on a dress and not actually call them a “bridesmaid”. It sounds insulting to me. Besides, if they are in your bridal party pictures, then they should be called bridesmaids, period. If you only want 4 people standing up with you, then have just 4 bridesmaids. Explain to the others the situation. Or if you really want all these people in your wedding, then have 8 bridesmaids, drop the honorary, and just explain to those four that their is no room for all of them to stand up next to you and they will have to be seated for the ceremony. 

     

    Post # 11
    Member
    295 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    @rachelroo:  Thanks for explaining, I wasn’t suggesting you made it up :p 

    I’m just not famillar with it. In New Zealand anything more than 3 BM’s is considered a large bridal party… I really can’t get my head around how so many US brides have so many people at their side!

    Anyhow, in your situation I agree with chatting to your SIL and see maye if she woud like to do a reading at your ceremony or include her in some other way?

    Post # 12
    Hostess
    7630 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2013

    I wouldn’t go for an honorary bridesmaid. Instead, I would invite these ladies to be with you as you get ready and join you at your bachelorette and showers. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    2828 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    In my culture, bridesmaids are seated during the ceremony anyway. I’ve been a bridesmaid twice, both times ruining my feet standing at the altar for 30+ minutes in highest heels I own. I would have MUCH preferred to process down the aisle and then have a seat smack at the front. My point is, go ahead and make them bridesmaids, but let them know (at the same time you ask! Don’t spring this on them) that only relatives will be standing at the altar. Also make it clear that you completely understand if they’d rather attend as a guest, but that you really wanted to honor them in some way.

    Leave a comment


    Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

    Find Amazing Vendors