Post # 1
I just got a STD for a friend’s wedding, which wll be happening at the end of the year. It was addressed just to me, which I expected. I’m in a relationship of just under two years, but he lives in a different country. My friend knows that we are quite serious and we even stayed over with her and her FI when he was visiting last winter.
We’re hoping that my BF will be able to come for a long visit this winter too. And I’ve promised him that we can announce our engagement when we’re physically together (I wanted a better engagement story and I also wanted to hit the two-year mark in our relationship before getting engaged). So if he’s here then, he’ll be my fiancee instead of my BF and I’ve read that engaged couples typically get invited together.
But he may not be able to visit, because he has to save more money before he can come. We hope he can-we haven’t seen each other in seven months-but it all depends on finances.
So should I mention his potential visit to my friend now so she can account for another guest? Or will that be annoying since I can’t say for sure? Should I assume she’s keeping a few spots open for situations like this?
I should mention that we would be traveling for the wedding but it’s in my home state. So if it turns out there is no room for him, he can hang out with my family for the day and we’ll meet up afterwards.
Post # 3
If you’re close enough to her, you might could mention that SO might also be in town, but I wouldn’t assume that she’s leaving spots open for plus ones.
Post # 4
@worldtraveler: i would wait until the actually invitation.
Post # 5
I would just mention casually that he is planning on visiting over the winter. I wouldn’t mention anything about the wedding but just express your excitement about his visit.
Post # 6
I would also wait for the invitation.
Post # 7
I would wait for the invitation.
Post # 8
@worldtraveler: I would wait for three things before bringing this up to your friends: to receive an actual wedding invitation, to know whether or not he will actually be in town for sure, and to actually be engaged.
Post # 9
What is a “better engagement story?”
Post # 10
Wait. She might have every intention of inviting him but didnt list him on the std bc you don’t live together and it’s still a ways away. I most likely won’t be naming guests on std’s unless the couple lives together.
Post # 11
engaged couples typically get invited if they were engaged at the time the STD/invitations went out
so if you get engaged shortly before her wedding, chances are only you will still be invited. nobody keeps spots open just in case – its not feasible to budget/plan an open ended wedding. you cant mention it really since you arent certain itll be happening and its rude to ask for someone to be invited
Post # 12
I would probably wait a bit longer.
Post # 13
Wait until the invitation.
She also sent the save the date out late, but that’s for another thread 🙂
Post # 14
Personally, if I had a friend that was in your situation, I would invite you and your BF/soon to be FI just incase he is here.
Post # 15
@newname_99: +1. If the invitation doesn’t give you a guest, then it’s rude to ask for one.
Post # 16
I would mention to my friend that he might be in the country. Actually, to be honest, if it was a close friend I would just say “BF may be here for your wedding, and I was wondering if he could come as my guest if he is. I was unclear on whether you sent the STD only in my name because he’s in another country, or because you only wanted me to come”, but my friends and I are pretty open with each other, and I don’t believe in a lot of the etiquette “rules” surrounding that sort of thing. And if one of my friends asked me that question about my wedding I would not think it was rude. I would just tell her the answer. If I didn’t invite him because I don’t know him well and can’t afford extra guests, I would tell her that.
So I guess my answer is that it depends what kind of relationship you have with your friend, and how important etiquette is to you and her.