Should I mention this now? Later? Not at all?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: When should I mention that my S/O might be in town?
    Now : (9 votes)
    17 %
    When you know for sure : (22 votes)
    41 %
    Don't bring it up at all : (8 votes)
    15 %
    Bring it up in a non-direct way : (15 votes)
    28 %
  • Post # 3
    4601 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    If you’re close enough to her, you might could mention that SO might also be in town, but I wouldn’t assume that she’s leaving spots open for plus ones. 

    Post # 5
    6457 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I would just mention casually that he is planning on visiting over the winter. I wouldn’t mention anything about the wedding but just express your excitement about his visit.

    Post # 6
    724 posts
    Busy bee

    I would also wait for the invitation.

    Post # 8
    1887 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @worldtraveler:  I would wait for three things before bringing this up to your friends: to receive an actual wedding invitation, to know whether or not he will actually be in town for sure, and to actually be engaged.  

    Post # 9
    855 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2008

    What is a “better engagement story?”

    Post # 10
    1881 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    Wait. She might have every intention of inviting him but didnt list him on the std bc you don’t live together and it’s still a ways away. I most likely won’t be naming guests on std’s unless the couple lives together. 

    Post # 11
    2884 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    engaged couples typically get invited if they were engaged at the time the STD/invitations went out

    so if you get engaged shortly before her wedding, chances are only you will still be invited. nobody keeps spots open just in case – its not feasible to budget/plan an open ended wedding. you cant mention it really since you arent certain itll be happening and its rude to ask for someone to be invited

    Post # 12
    822 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    I would probably wait a bit longer.

    Post # 13
    1093 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Wait until the invitation.

    She also sent the save the date out late, but that’s for another thread 🙂

    Post # 14
    6525 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2013


    @SouthernGirl:  +1


    Personally, if I had a friend that was in  your situation, I would invite you and your BF/soon to be FI just incase he is here. 

    Post # 15
    9412 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    @newname_99:  +1. If the invitation doesn’t give you a guest, then it’s rude to ask for one.

    Post # 16
    552 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I would mention to my friend that he might be in the country. Actually, to be honest, if it was a close friend I would just say “BF may be here for your wedding, and I was wondering if he could come as my guest if he is. I was unclear on whether you sent the STD only in my name because he’s in another country, or because you only wanted me to come”, but my friends and I are pretty open with each other, and I don’t believe in a lot of the etiquette “rules” surrounding that sort of thing. And if one of my friends asked me that question about my wedding I would not think it was rude. I would just tell her the answer. If I didn’t invite him because I don’t know him well and can’t afford extra guests, I would tell her that.

    So I guess my answer is that it depends what kind of relationship you have with your friend, and how important etiquette is to you and her.

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