Should I message a girl I hate to tell her im sorry for her loss.

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Should I message a girl who I hate saying hey im sorry for your loss and try to understand her
    No dont do it : (81 votes)
    69 %
    yes its a nice jesture : (35 votes)
    30 %
    other : (2 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    6960 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2015

    @outgoingcutie15:  It depends on what you want going forward. 

    I had a huge falling out with an old friend. We still had friends in common and her family went to my church, so when my mom had a heart attack there’s no way she didn’t know, but she didn’t call or anything. A year later she wanted to reconnect and I’m not going to lie- the fact that she didn’t call when mom was sick made it very hard to renew a friendship with her. We tried and ultimately it became clear why we had fallen out in the first place. Now if my dad died and she called I would just be pissed at her. Unless you want to truely be there for her (and renew your friendship) just leave her alone. Confusing relationships and painful memories are not something he needs right now. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    6960 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2015

    @outgoingcutie15:  Maybe send a card to her family but no… don’t reach out now. I thought I was going to be able to have a “casual friendship” with the girl I mentioned, but when my mom died shortly after we renewed our friendship the loss kind of made everything seem more important. I ended up getting sucked into our old friendship, it blew up again and now we literally avoid each other at all costs. 

    Post # 7
    msjackrabbitMember
    1080 posts
    Bumble bee

    Don’t message on Facebook. Sending a card would be the best thing to do. It’s the ‘proper’ thing to do and I’m sure she’d appreciate it 🙂

    Post # 8
    Member
    583 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    It is a nice gesture but I’m not sure if I would do it, only because you guys did have a big fight. She is probably very emotional right now.

    If someone I didn’t like/get along with sent me a message I would either feel one of two extremes: 1) angry because why would that person care? we aren’t friends, I’m upset and don’t want someone else’s sympathy. OR 2) grateful that someone else cares about me, but would hope that they would want to keep in contact if I ever need someone to talk to.

    Post # 9
    Member
    3010 posts
    Sugar bee

    @outgoingcutie15:  I say leave her alone. She is going through a lot right now. The last thing she needs is potential drama from someone who hates her. The friendship is over- there is no need to contact her during a stressful time. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    7385 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    @mamadingdong:  I agree. If you hate this person why would you bother?

    Post # 12
    Member
    1470 posts
    Bumble bee

    Did you know her father? If so, I’d say send it.

    A close college friend of mine with whom I’d had a falling out* college lost her best guy friend a few years ago from her home town who had come up to visit her at school and hang out with us a few times. Because I’d known him and thought he was a great guy and a great friend to her, I messaged her on fb letting her know I was sorry for her loss and that I’d keep her in my prayers. I didn’t say much else, I didn’t want to be her friend again, our rift is too large and I’d been too hurt by her but I wanted to let her know that while everyone else was probably focused on his mother, his fiance, etc someone was thinking of her too. She said thank you and how much she appreciated it and that was that. I think any condolences will be appreciated by your former friend…don’t expect to hear back soon or if at all though, she’s got a lot going on.

    Post # 13
    Member
    854 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    I voted no. If you don’t want this chick in your life anymore, why bother opening the door? You don’t talk and thats that. Its not like you’d be a bad person for not saying something.

    If you want to reconnect with her, then this is the time. If not, then just leave it.

    ETA: If you really wanted to do something then find out the funeral(or whatever) details and send some flowers. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    873 posts
    Busy bee

    The last thing I would want if my dad just died is some pity comment from a person that hates me. You may be coming from a place of goodwill but it may not be taken that way

    Post # 15
    Member
    534 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    Don’t do it.  You said you hate her, so why would you try to extend sympathy?  It’s going to come across looking hollow.

    Post # 16
    Member
    1739 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    If you hate her, I don’t think you would care what is happening in her life. no matter how grim. I hate only one person in this world and I could care less what happens to her – ever. I say let her be.

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