Post # 1
This is my first post ever here on Weddingbee, and I am looking for advice. I am currently a BM in a really good friends wedding which is taking place mid-October. I had spoken to the MOH about two months ago to let her know that I would really like to help her with the shower and bachlorette. She had told me she had picked a few dates in August for these events but just needed to decide for sure, but would let me know. I asked her if she could let me know as soon as she decided, because I was invited to 3 weddings in August and would have to RSVP to these. I never heard back.
Yesterday I finally got in touch with the MOH again to ask if she had chosen dates yet – because we are mid-July now. She then informed me she hadn’t, but that she was moving out of the country at the end of August, & that she was still going to throw both of these events, but hadn’t done any planning yet. She still has not taken me up on my offer to help yet either.
This is where I need advice, I am starting to doubt that the MOH is going to be able/have the time to throw/plan/send invites to both of these events with less then 5 weeks to go before she moves out of the country. When speaking to her she doesn’t seem overly motivated to start planning either. I don’t want to see the bride miss out on these things…but I also don’t want to overstep my bounds and cause conflict. I don’t know any of the other BMs and most of them aren’t local. I haven’t spoken to the bride about it, as I don’t want to upset her. The MOH also told her both of these events were going to be a surprise. Any advice on how I should handle this?
Post # 3
Well, I wouldn’t talk to the bride because A.) It will definitely upset her, and cause her serious concern where there doesn’t need to be any (I’m sure she’s going through enough planning the wedding WITHOUT adding fighting with her MOH to the itinerary).
I would talk to this MOH though. It sounds like she is more concerned with her move than the bride. Do you know why the bride picked her? Either way, I would do everything I could to just get these events planned and pulled off without deliberately making the MOH look bad. Call her, tell her that even though you think she might still be able to pull these events off in the remaining amount of time, you are concerned its not enough time to do them well … not alone anyway. INFORM her, dont ask, that you are going to start putting some things together and will keep her posted on everything you do, so the shower can still be from the both of you.
Thats all I got … good luck!
Post # 4
BMs are responsible for planning these parties too! If there is something going wrong, then you must step in as well. Speak to the MOH and tell her you will start planning at least 1 of the parties. You don’t have to ask for her permission– just tell her you’re doing it.
Post # 5
I agree, you should just call and tell her that you are planning already. Even if she gets mad, you have a valid point, and just let her know exactly what you’ve told us.
Post # 6
- Wedding: January 2010 - Mr. P's GrandparentsÃ¢Â€Â™ Ranch
I also agree, just be honest and tell her what your sharing here, I think nothing stop you from steping on any aspect of the planning. Good Luck!
Post # 7
DO NOT talk to the Bride! It will just upset her and stress her out even more. Can you offer to have one of the events at your home or parents’ home? That way you can help more in the finer details. Or ask her to send an email to the rest of the bridesmaids to see what they would like to help with. This way it is divided up amongst all of you.
Post # 8
From your own relationship with the bride, what do think her feelings on the matter are? I ask because I’m getting married in mid-October and don’t really care about showers and bachelorettes AT ALL. The only reason I’m having a shower is because one of my bridesmaids (I didn’t choose a MOH) called me up and told me that she was going to plan it and wanted to know dates when I was free. So if you think the bride is equally unmotivated as the MOH, you might want to talk to her to find out what she wants…but if you think it will upset her, I vote for speaking to the MOH and offering to plan it yourself.
Post # 9
Maybe rather than just offering to help plan…next time you talk to the MOH, mention that you’d checked out X dates, and thought that X location might be nice, and wouldn’t it be cool if you had X theme? Maybe if you’re putting forward ideas, she might be more willing to accept your assistance.
Moving is stressful, and if the MOH is a procrastinator by nature, then this could just be a really bad combination. Unfortunately, you have to make the most of it.
I would try to involve the other BMs if you can, but THROUGH the MOH. Maybe suggest that you all get in on planning, so that you "know how your money’s being spent".
I’m with the other posters, though. Don’t talk to the bride, unless there’s really no alternative.