Post # 1
So, I suppose I need some advice. A little backstory. My mom was diagnosed with stage 2b cervical cancer about three and half years ago. She went through radiation and was told at the end the cancer was gone.
In August of last year, we found out that the cancer had spread to lymph nodes and other areas of her body. She was treated with chemotherapy and at her last PET Scan she was told that everything was shrinking, but she needed to do more chemo.
Yesterday, while at home she started losing the feeling on the left side of her body and was unable to speak. We all thought that she was having a stroke. She was rushed to the hospital, where they ran a few tests, including an MRI and they found that the cancer had spread to her brain.
Here is my issue, my fiance and I are getting married at the end of June. Should we continue planning the wedding for June, hoping that she makes it that long, or should be push it up or should be postpone it until a better time?
Post # 3
Could you do a Justice of the Peace wedding and have her there and do everything else later?
Post # 4
I say get married as soon as possible for your mom’s sake! 🙁
Post # 5
I would have an honest talk with her oncologist (I think maybe without her there) and see what his take is. Maybe they’re considering radiation to the brain tumor of some kind, and you may want to take that treatment plan into your timing. That being said, I think I’d plan on moving up the ceremony.
I hope that you are able to spend lots of time with eachother.
Post # 6
First and foremost, I’m so sorry that you guys are going through this. I agree with others and push it up as soon as you can. Maybe do something more casual?
Second, this is a bit off topic, but are you confident with where your mom is being treated? Does she need to get a second opinion? The only reason I ask is because I’ve seen many close friends go through similar experiences and level of care between different hospitals can be very disparate.
Post # 7
Talk to your mother. Believe me there is nothing worse than being seriously ill and having other people make decision for you. You mother will already be feeling disempowered and taking away her choice to choose will make her feel worse.
Discuss this with her, present her with all the options and let her know how much it would mean to you to have her see you get married. Make this decision together.
Post # 8
Would you regret not having your mom there? If yes then have the wedding asap and just tell everyone you plan on having a second wedding in June (don’t lie it wont end well). If no then I guess you should wait to have it and hopefully she’ll be able to make it.
Post # 9
@AmandaandJoshuaa: I lost my mom in January 2012 to a brain tumor, and my advice is to move up the wedding. My FI and I had already been engaged for over a year at the time, and for some reason, we didn’t feel rushed to even set a date.. my biggest regret is that she couldn’t be there.
It was only 9 days between the time we found out she had the tumor to the time she was no longer with us, so we didn’t have time to do anything rushed in order to have her there.
I have since also lost my father in November 2012.. and our wedding is not until April 20th of this year, so neither of them will now be there. So, my emphatic advise, as someone who has regrets about this, is to move it up.
On another note, I wish you all the best & hope your mom pulls through this. You will definitely be in my thoughts! *hugs*
Post # 10
I’d push it up if I could.
My father has been battling cancer. Its an awful uphill battle. If he was doing as well as he has been lately, we would have pushed the wedding up too.
Good luck and I am so sorry you are going through this.
Post # 11
OMG, so sorry to hear. Move it up asap if you can. It likely will make your mom feel good to actually see you married. Am so sorry.
Post # 12
Please talk to your mother and ask her what she wants/thinks. There is nothing worse than to have people talk about you and around you like you’re (already) not there…I’ve been there.
Post # 13
I think doing a smaller wedding (like Hyperventilate suggested) now and then planning the reception as planned later is a great idea. Best wishes.
Post # 14
@AmandaandJoshuaa: I’m so sorry for what you’re going through! I second the PPs. Talk to your mom, but no matter what, get married with her there. I could never imagine walking down the aisle without my mom. (Even though she’s psycho)
Post # 15
@Treid25: My thoughts and prayers go out to you as well <3 I pray your heart can heal as best as possible and that you find peace on your wedding day. They will both be there in your heart!
Post # 16
I would try to move up the wedding… or at least, if you can’t move the whole thing (possibly impossible), have a private ceremony with immediate family only, then a public ceremony and reception in June. Given your mom’s condition, everyone will understand that you wanted to be 100% sure she was able to see you married, even if she ends up making it to the June wedding.