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Why not ask your FI? Or even your FSIL? Is your wedding a formal affair?
Even though most of my PhD friends don't use their Drs. socially, I'm putting it down anyway because of their accomplishments. My wedding is fairly informal, but I think they deserve the honorific there.
I think since it is a non-professional invitation you don't need Hon. in front of her name. My dad is a judge, and he would probably laugh, since we called the The Honorable to give him a hard time. But your addressing of the title is technically correct, so if you want to do more formal invitations I think that is fine as well.
The Fi made me redo address labels b/c I didn't use "Dr." for his 3 cousins. Because they're family and we don't refer them to that I just forgot.
I guess if you do formal invites, why not go formal all the way right?
Never had the issue with Judges, but I agree I would ask your FSIL. I am sure she may not even know or care what you put. As far as physicians, I was always told and seen that you do put Dr with their name, not necessarily their credentials after. Sorry! I know not a lot of help! :)
Etiquette says to put Honorable on the invitation. Here is a good site you can use: http://www.southworth.com/page.php?id=127
Hope that helps!
I think it should be 'Honorable ...' She may not care to introduce herself as "I am Judge Jane", but it's only proper to address her accordingly whether the wedding event is formal or informal.
I never introduce myself as Dr.; and I absolutely don't care if people who don't know me address me as Ms. or Mrs.; but I do care (just a bit, but still care) that I am addressed properly under certain circumstances (such as a wedding invite) by people who know me and knew how much effort it took for me to get to where I am. Just my two cents. :)
I would but the honorable... but only for the wedding invitation (ie: not for a thank you card or shower invitations).
I would ask, but its an invitation to her BROTHER's wedding. I think it would be a bit silly if she took offense that her brother and future sister didn't address her with the honorific. Especially if the invitation is coming from you (rather than your parents for example) But its such a little thing in my mind I would stop worrying and just flat out ask.
I think it's too formal, but that's just my opinion. My FSIL has her PhD and I have no plans to address her as "Doctor" on the invite. Also, my best friend and her husband are both physicians, and I'm addressing their invitation as "Mr. And Mrs.", not "Dr. and Dr."
I guess it depends on your relationship with them and how formal you want to make it all sound. I like keeping things simple and casual, especially with close friends and family.
All doctors should be addressed as Dr. It's not too formal, it's just right. As far as judges go, I personally would use the formal title no matter what. My husband, who is an attorney, was shocked that you were considering not. LOL Typical!
I would put the titles of both doctors and judges. My fiance is the son of a doctor and I am the daughter of a judge and both with be referred to in the invitation by their titles, so it would be particuarly inappropriate in our case to fail to recognize our guests. That being said, both titles are difficult to come by and while I doubt that your family would in any way hold it against you, it is a nice gesture to recognize their accomplishments.
It's much better to be formal than too casual when it comes to people with honorifics like doctors and judges, IMO.
I do think that it's better to be too formal rather than too casual, but it does depend somewhat on the formality of your wedding. If you are having a formal or semi-formal affair, then use the titles. If it's a backyard bbq, then I would skip it. No offense to anyone woth these titles, just my 2 cents.
I think it would be nice as well as appropriate to use the titles on your invitations. I know we did it with our friends who were doctors or lawyers. Your husband made me laugh, KateMW. My sister is also an attorney and she expected that I would put "esquire" on her invitation (which I did!)
As far as medical doctors, it is NEVER Mr. or Mrs. Put their title in (Dr. Jane Smith) or take it out if informal (Jane Smith), but Mr. or Mrs. is insulting.
Thanks for all your advice! My main issue with all of this is that a lot of women tend to push their accomplishments aside, like it's no big deal. To be where she is at her young age is a pretty large accomplishment & she already seems sheepish about it. I think I will write Honorable regardless because I think she is a big deal! She worked so hard to get where she is.
@Kate: My FI is an attorney as well & but he's the opposite! He told me to write Mr & Mrs... he's like, who cares about that stuff? I was like-- everyone, but you! He's so low maintenance & impartial it drives me nuts sometimes.
@Jessie: She expected you to write "esquire"!! My FI hates being addressed that way and asked me not to write that on any of his buddies invites. Sigh... I'm just coming to the realization that someone will always find a reason to take offense. lol
That's too funny about your FI, RB. My husband was shocked! But, that's just him. He's very rule-oriented anyway. He did point out that it takes a LOT of get those titles and they should be celebrated. To me this is one of the situations where nobody will be offended if you do it, but might if you don't, so just go ahead. KWIM?
Good Luck!
I did formal titles. If i forgot anyone's, it's only b/c they aren't my family and DH and I didn't know. But if they had any sort of phd, dr, etc etc degree, I included it. Sometimes the people who DO have those degrees think no big deal, but *I* think it's a big deal to acknowledge their accomplishment and be formal about it. If i had my Phd, i'd probably wave it all off, but secretly think it was sweet somebody remembered I grueled through school for it =]
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My FSIL is a judge... I've never heard anyone call her Judge outside of the courthouse. She doesn't introduce herself socially as anything but Jane Smith.
Do I address their invitations as Mr. & Mrs. John Smith or The Honorable Jane Smith & Mr. John Smith?
I doubt she'd take offense if we went with Mr & Mrs, but I don't want to be rude & take away from her accomplishments either.