(Closed) Should I say something?

posted 7 years ago in Intimacy
  • poll: What should I do?
    Talk to them about it. : (3 votes)
    4 %
    Leave it alone. It's none of your business. : (65 votes)
    92 %
    Other. : (3 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3564 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    It’s between them as a couple…I would leave it alone and stay out of it.

    Post # 4
    Member
    467 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    i can’t imagine how to even approach the topic with them – i dont think i would get into it, if only for the fact that i woudlnt even know what to say

    Post # 5
    Member
    5 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    That’s a really touchy subject.  And you’re right, it probably wasn’t something that your cousin wanted to have mention again, hence the uncomfortability. 

    I would leave it alone.  It may open a can of worms (or the door to a closet full of skeletons) between her cousin and his wife.  All so you can feel better?  That’s worse can scenerio, but something to think about. 

    I know you mean well, and so will your cousin.  But, it may make them both admit some things that they have decided to let go and live their married life together.  Keep that in mind as well. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    1124 posts
    Bumble bee

    Oh my god, what a horrible thing to say! I am so shocked! What kind of woman would do this to her SO?! I know there are “alternative relationships”, but doesn’t this border on sexual abuse? Basically forcing your SO to sleep with someone? Just because the woman is “loose” doesn’t negate the fact that she’s married or that it makes it ok.

    Normally I would say this isn’t any of your business, but she offered the information up to you. She made it public and said it to your face. She made it your business. To me, that’s grounds for being able to discuss it.

    Post # 7
    Member
    996 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    WOW. I think only you know whether you should say something. You know your relationship with them best. Do you think you can “let it go” if you never ask the questions/get the details that you want? Or is it always going to bother you?

    Post # 8
    Member
    634 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I would deffinately stay out of it. It obviously doesn’t bother your cousin (from what you said) so I don’t think your in a position to bring it up… especially if it’s a non-issue for THEM. Besides, your cousin’s wife can’t physically make your cousin have sex with another woman- he would have wanted it on some level (to get an errection).

    It’s nice that you care so much about your family though.

    Post # 9
    Member
    399 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    My suggestion is to either let it go or have a talk in private with you cousin.  I was shocked when reading this because I’ve only ever slept with my fiancé, but if he even suggested me sleeping with another man I would be horrified.  I could never do that!  Honestly, your cousin was put in a weird situation but he could’ve easily said no.  In the end, it was his choice to go through with it.  Maybe he felt pressured, but he did agree to it.  So if you do anything, I’d have the conversation with just your cousin and not include his wife in it.  

    Post # 10
    Member
    4137 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    why do you want to discuss this? to tell them what a terrible idea it was? to find out if her husband knew? to see if he really wanted to?

    it’s the past. they can’t change anything. what’s the point of talking about it when it doesn’t involve you? no good can come of talking about it.

    Post # 12
    Member
    1480 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    What could you possibly say to them now? It’s done, they seem to have moved on, it’s none of your business.

    But may I suggest speaking to someone about your past sexual abuse? It’s not unusual for certain things to trigger a traumatic reaction, years and years afterward, and that may be part of the reason you’re having such a tough time dealing with this.

    You said, “I just feel like I need a resolution and I’m not sure how to get it.” I don’t think you’ll get the resolution you’re looking for by inserting yourself into their business. It would probably lead to a whole lot of drama that would only cause you more pain.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1391 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    yucky, that sucks hear that! I would be pretty weirded out!

    @jayce: totally agree with you.

    Post # 14
    Member
    634 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    If he was a vitctim of rape then I doubt he would have been comfortable with his wife talking about it so openly

    Post # 16
    Member
    2410 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I think you should leave it be. What answer could he possibly give you that would help the situation? It really only serves to embarass him further. It is between them.

    The topic ‘Should I say something?’ is closed to new replies.

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