Post # 1
This seems silly to me as I write this because I know I should not say a word and just let everything happen as he has planned. But I guess voicing it here is my way of not saying anything to him.
He has brought up the topic of engagement many many times, the most recent was my birthday right before we went to bed he said he was sorry for not getting me a ring for my birthday but he was still looking for the right one. I told him not to stress about it at all. I am not expecting a proposal for a while. I moved in with him the begining of the year and both of our careers might be changing by the end of the year. As much as I would love to marry this man ASAP, he wants a big wedding and I know we cannot afford it right now so I am happy waiting.
Anyway, after that night I was chatting with some girlfriends of mine, one who is a ring snob (expecting her now husband to spend $10,000 on her ring even though she already has her grandmothers….), and they were asking if I had mentioned to him what kind of ring I would prefere. I am not big on jewelry to begin with so I don’t know how he would be able to pick something he would think I like when I don’t even know what I like. So I did some research and I found a beautiful Moissanite that fits my style. After a few days I sent him the link and let him know that “just incase he was wondering my style, this is what I think is pretty” On the page it showed it costs $800. I mentioned that , yes it might be considered “fake” but I’ve never been a fan of the real thing. I was hoping that would get him researching about moissanite and to stray away from a diamond.
Fast forward to today, I was cleaning the house and he always puts his big duffle bag (with every zipper broken) in the closet infront of the vaccuum. I moved it out of the way and some of his stuff popped out. I was putting it back when I saw a transfer reciept from one of his investment accounts for $2600….
The only other big purchase that he could be doing is paying off more of his student loans(which is what the money was suppost to go towards), but he always does what his investment guy tells him to do and this guy only ever wants him to make the min payments (i don’t like his investment guy). So this leads me to think he spent $2600 on a ring. I love this man and I will say yes if he proposes with that or a 25 cent candy ring, I don’t care. But I really wish he had read up on what I sent him and not just looked at the picture for ideas. Money is tight right now and I do not feel right knowing that his college money that his mother worked her butt off for when he was growing up would be paying for my ring.
I don’t think he would propose right away because one of his buddy’s just did two nights ago to his gf. So do I somehow bring up a conversation about how I would feel uncomfortable wearing expensive jewelry and hope he can still return it for a full refund, or just let him do what he has been planning for a very long time and just be happy I get to marry the man of my dreams?
Post # 3
@bythebeach: Bring up the topic of diamonds vs Moissanite. Begin with “you know that link I sent you, well I was reading up on Moissanite and the more I learn the more I think that I DON’T want a diamond because…”
Use very specific language and say that you DON’T want a diamond.
But, be ready for him to tell you that he would not feel right proposing with “anything less” than a diamond. This is how many men feel.
At the very least he should know what kind of stone you want before he goes shopping.
Post # 4
Well, here’s what I would do ONLY if this was something I really, really cared about (you have to decide if it is):
Casually bring up the possibility of getting a moissanite engagement ring. Ask him what he thinks about it and explain why you like the idea, without dissing a diamond ring.
If he is receptive, then he probably hasn’t bought the ring or he is able and willing to exchange it. Then and only then can you make it clear that a moissanite is what you want.
If he is not receptive, let it go and forget about it.
Post # 5
This is a tricky one, and I think you’ve got a very good head on your shoulders because a lot of girls would just take the expensive ring and think nothing of it! So well done on that point.
I think first of all, rather than telling him outright about the receipt, if the topic of engagement comes up any time soon maybe you should express that you only want something that he can truly afford and that marrying him is so much more than just a ring. And perhaps express the fact that you’d feel guilty about him spending money he doesn’t have at the moment. Be as honest as you think you can without upsetting him.
That being said, if he has thought it out and figured out a way to spend that much on you, just go with it. I’m sure he just wants to give you the best he can. Either way, I hope it all works out! 🙂
Post # 6
I would be honest and let him know you saw the receipt, then voice your concerns about the financial aspects of purchasing a ring. Tell him you’d marry him with a twist tie, and everything above and beyond that is a bonus. Some men really want to purchase a diamond (my non-traditional guy very traditionally pushed for this), so I’d leave the ball in his court once you explain your expectations and intentions.
Post # 7
Thank you all for your replies. I will try to bring up the subject, but if i start to feel he will be hurt i will just change the subject. He means the world to me and I will marry him no matter what he proposes with.
Post # 8
I would not say anything. The reality is, if he bought this ring.. he felt that it was the best and he probably gave it some thought on whether he felt he could afford it. Trust him. Money is temporary and eventually it wont matter in five years whether he spent $800 or $2600. The money will be long gone by then. I know it’s hard… I have a very similar personality. I get mentally upset when I receive large bouquets of flowers (often preferring the $5 bunches that i deem just as beautiful and i dont feel like it such a waste of money when they die.). However, he may think that you were just settling when you sent the other ring and really wants to do right by you. You have a great boyfriend. It will all work out.
Post # 9
let him do what he wants. though you might suspect and be right that the transfer of money of $2600 is for a ring, maybe it is for something else.
it sounds like you made your feelings clear. just let it play out.
Post # 10
- Wedding: October 2014 - Disney
Also remember to him though you feel 2600 is a lot, it may mean a lot to him to put that money in. Some men want to buy real diamonds they are not open to a man made stone. Some men view this as a chance to show what they are made of. If you do bring this up to him, be very delicate with it. There maybe more here than you see. My husband was willing to spend the cost of a small car on my ring, and I wasnt having it. He felt my dollar was too small. We met in the middle purchasing a stone the size he wanted and getting a ring closer to the cost I thought was acceptable than his. It was extremely important to him though that the ring was something I’d love and showed his ability to provide. This is the only reason I was ok with the price tag he built my fantasy ring. When he started pushing bigger stones I couldn’t understand it because I’m a small girl until he said “This way other men will know you are taken.” Remember men think differently than woman, and only a man has ever pointed out the size of my engagement ring women tend to not say anything on the size but on its uniqueness instead. Becareful how you tred because many men view the ring as a symbol beyond just engagement. To them its a symbol that they can provide, and that you two belong together. Men think very little of things like shoes, clothes and jewelery the exception tends to come to wedding/engagement jewelery. They want to be your prince charming, and prove to the world you are his and they can provide for you. Chauvenist perhaps, but this is still how many men particularly old fashioned gentlement feel.
Post # 11
Let it be. Being careful with money is important to you and it sounds like it’s important to him too, but it might be more important to him to spend money on this one physical sybol of his commitment to you. This might be one of those times where you might compromise your ideals to spare his feelings. Just remind yourself that you are doing it because you love him and want him to feel validated in his love for you; and the choices he makes to show you that love.
Post # 12
@bythebeach: you said: “he wants a big wedding”…sounds like he is rather traditional.
you said: “I mentioned that , yes it might be considered “fake” (moissanite)”
yikes! my dh and probably many many other men would not be willing to buy a “fake” diamond, sim etc. never mind one that is put in a rather expensive setting… Do you think your guy feels like that too?
I understand you like the look of a diamond but money is tight, and it’s commendable that you don’t want him to spend his mothers money on you, however in the end, the engagement ring is his gift to you.
$2600 is not all that much to spend on something you will wear for the rest of your life and probably hand down someday. If he wants you to have a genuine diamond, so be it, I would not say a word and possibly hurt him or ruin his surprise.
Post # 13
I’d let it go. So much of a man’s ego is wrapped up in the Proposal / Engagement process… us women when we speak up too much we take that away from them. And it HURTS them. Some times it is not repairable and can damage the relationship.
Women dream about all kinds of aspects about our Wedding… maybe when we are girls, and most definitely when we are women and believe we’ve met Mr Right. More so when the Engagement is done, and Wedding Planning is a reality. Venues, Dresses, Shoes, Jewellery, Hair, Decor, Food, Music… on and on it goes
For men it really is ALL ABOUT THE PROPOSAL. The big moment for them is asking the girl they LOVE more than anything else in the world to honour them and be their wife, marry them. IT IS THEIR THING
Don’t be the girl that takes that away from him… blows all his dreams and potentially hurts him (and you)
$ 2600 is a fair bit of money… will get a respectable ring (IF that is what he’s indeed done with the money… at this point YOU DO NOT KNOW THAT, YOU ARE ASSUMING)
He loves you, he wants to make you happy. He wants the world to know he loves you, and will make that commitment in front of the whole world (wedding)… and in the meantime he wants to get you a ring he loves hoping that you’ll love it too.
Don’t burst his bubble.
It is a gift, and the most important one he’ll ever buy, and you’ll ever receive. Be kind, be gracious, be happy.
Hope this helps,
PS… And come back and post pics when the time is right, I am anxious to see what he gets you.