Post # 1
advice would be really appreciated in this situation. i have a job and own a small studio co-op apt in nyc. my fi was laid off last year and rents a studio apartment in nj.
i told him that i would prefer that we live in my apartment once we get married until he finds employment, because i would rather not sell my largest asset to rent an apartment when he is not yet working.
we had a talk recently and told each other how much we have in the bank–he is older and does have some significant savings, but even with that in mind, i still feel the way i do about living in my apartment at least until he starts working.
he says that my apartment is too small for 2 people (maybe it is but i feel like we can make do) and that it would be better to sell it and we rented an apartment together after getting married, and that everything will work out, and that maybe we will own a home together in the future once things are more solid.
i don’t feel very comfortable with just selling and then renting indefinitely because there is a lot of uncertainty in that plan. i love him, want to marry him and want to do the right thing for us, but sometimes this situation is just so strange (him unemployed but with a lot more money in the bank than me) that i can’t sort it out clearly and i could really use some objective advice. thanks bees.
Post # 3
Keep your home if you have even the slightest inclination to do so. I wouldn’t sell until I was married for a while and he was working/contributing. I agree, it seems really odd. He’s not in a position to complain about the home you’re providing.
Post # 4
How much would your mortgage vs rent be? If rent wouldnt be significantly less, I wouldnt sell to rent and put up with being a little cramped to save up a bit more.
Post # 5
Don’t sell your house.
“maybe we will own a home together in the future” seems really odd to me
Post # 6
How many square feet is it? I would have him move in and offer to sell once you’re married/he’s employed. The market hit a bottom about 6 months ago and is level/steadily improving. In NYC, you’ll always find a buyer.
You can always rent a small storage unit if you have too much stuff for your small space.
Post # 7
I personally wouldn’t sell unless your rent payment would be drastically lower than your mortgage.
Post # 8
I wouldn’t sell to rent unless you are going to save a significant amount of money that you could put towards a house. Another option might be renting our your apartment, have you considered this? In NYC you might be able to make rent to cover your mortgage and then some and then if you moved into an apartment the expense wouldn’t seem so bad and you still own a property if you need to move back.
Post # 9
Thanks bees. Appreciate the input.
@pinkshoes: My mortgage and common fees are $1800 a month. Renting would probably cost the same but the rented space would likely be much larger. However there is a big mortgage interest deduction off the taxes.
@MrsBroccoli: Between 465-500 sq ft. Depends on which appraisal I look at! 🙂
@GroovyHippieChick: We are always having talks/arguments about the cost benefits of renting v. owning. He has never owned and is against owning mainly because of the big depreciation in the RE market. He has done well with his investments and I get his point but only to an extent. I have told him that I don’t care if the market depreciates. After 30 years, you OWN the house. AFter 30 years of renting, you don’t own anything. I do not want to be an old woman with a cane traipsing around the city looking for a rental if I can help it.
Post # 10
@roxy821: Thank you–forgot to write this originally, but renting it out is not an option. The co-op rules forbid renting out the units unless you have a financial hardship. Since my name is the only one on the mortgage and I have no hardship I do not qualify.
Post # 11
If you sell would you make a profit? And are there things out there to rent you like? All things to consider…
Post # 12
In NYC, you’ll always find a buyer.
Not true right now. My husband and I have friends who’s apartments were on the market FOREVER before they could sell them.
I’m a renter, but I would NOT sell your place. Squeeze in there and deal with it until he can get a job. My husband and I have lived in 425 square feet together so you will survive 😉 It seems to make no sense to pay a mortgage and a rent, or to get rid of something you own and put a down payment on to rent somewhere else.
Post # 13
@MASPA: Unfortunately I would not make a profit. I would actually lose quite a large chunk of change because of the market cratering. I could live with selling my home in a down market if I used half the proceeds of the sale to buy something a new home and he provided the other half.
I presented that idea to him and he said he was open to it but usually when he says he is open to something, it’s a euphemism for being indecisive.
Post # 14
@mimi123: “I would actually lose quite a large chunk of change because of the market cratering.”
Since there is nothing forcing you to sell (job change that takes you away from NYC, unable to pay mortgage, etc), the fact that you would lose a lot on the sale is a big reason to me to keep the co-op.
Post # 15
I am 100% on your side. You own and he rents. He needs to live with you until you two can afford something else. If you sell in this economy you could suffer a loss depending on when you purchased. Also, in the future you two could always rent your apartment out so you have a rental income and can purchase something else once he gets a job again. I think his pride is getting in the way.
Post # 16
And everyone else, again, thank you for your help. This situation has really caused a lot of anxiety.
My Fiance can be a hard one to figure out sometimes. I love him to death but sometimes his thinking and way of doing things leaves me speechless. I agree that the issue may be pride.