Should I Stay or Go

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5228 posts
Bee Keeper

@bwpalmer22:  I wouldn’t stay based on the work situation. Go to your superiors and tell them what happened. I think honesty with them is the best approach here.

I’m sorry OP. She doesn’t sound like she’s the one for you. Cut your losses now.(((((hugs)))))

Post # 4
Member
2155 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Personally, I would leave. It would be difficult, especially considering there is a child involved AND you got her a job at your company, but IMO those aren’t reasons to get married. She’s been dishonest with you, she quite possible fooled around while with you which is dangerous to your sexual health, not to mention she is setting a TERRIBLE example for her daughter by sending photos. Things might be a little awkward or a little embarrassing for awhile, but it’ll blow over and you’ll move on.

If you do choose to try to work it out with her for whatever reason then I suggest AT LEAST going to couple’s therapy to figure out why this woman so badly needs attention that she is willing to get naked for it. Regardless of if you “stay” I do not recommend continuing the engagement at this point.

Post # 5
Member
2280 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California

Nobody at work has to know about your personal problems.  Assuming you both go about your split in a mature & professional manner, I don’t think this would hurt you (or her) drastically.  Of course, I don’t what position you hold or the type of company you both work for so I suppose my idea is all kind of in a perfect setting/situation haha.

I would have to leave my husband if I were in your shoes.  Whether or not they had a physical affair, she still lied to you ..repeatedly!  It also sounds like an emotional affair which is even worse in my books :/.

I’m so sorry you’re in this predicament & I hope all ends well for you & her daughter as well!

Post # 6
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@bwpalmer22:  Short answer: Yes, I would be majorly concerned, especially since she lied about it.

Long answer: Unfortunately, helping her get a job with your company was a bad idea.  Ever hear the expression “never s#it where you eat”?  If you’ve been together many years (3+) and the fling occurred really early on in your relationship but she ended it years ago, then it may be something you can forgive and move on from.  But I suspect you haven’t been together very long and as a result it’s much fresher and more concerning.

If you think you can forgive her and learn to trust her again, then definitely try some counseling to work out what exatly happened and rebuild your trust in her.  If you know that you cannot forgive and forget then you need to figure out how to extricate yourself from this relationship without damaging your job.  Relationships end, it happens and I’m sure your VP will understand.  Just make sure you and her do not bring any of the drama into work with you.  If one or both of you can change jobs, that would be the best option right now but obiously in this economy it’s going to be tough and probably unlikely to happen.

Post # 7
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee

@bwpalmer22:  I wouldn’t stay based on the current situation unless she showed she was really sorry and willing to work on things, but honestly I think she would just be sorry she got caught.

Her behavior doesn’t sound remorseful at all. You deserve better.

Post # 8
Member
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@bwpalmer22:  That would not be ok with me. It would be hard for me to get past the deceit. It’s so early in your relationship (not even married yet!) for those kinds of problems.

Post # 9
Member
941 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

If you have to ask, you probably already know the answer. 

Post # 10
Member
1626 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I would go. Yeah, you got her a job. And you let her move in with you. But you don’t owe her anything. It doesn’t sound like she really has any respect/consideration for you given the behavior you described.

It would suck for a while, but…long term you’d probably be glad you did it. :

Post # 10
Member
272 posts
Helper bee

I think you should call off the engagement definitely. She has yet to be honest with you by telling you the truth. You care for her but she obviously does not care for you as much. Cheating is not limited to physical acts. Flirting, constant contact, sending sexual texts/images, emotional connection are also cheating.

Let your bosses know that you are calling the engagement off because you found out she is unfaithful. Your bosses would definitely understand.

Post # 11
Member
1302 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

🙁 she’s not honest. she lied to you. and cheated. so, i think you should go and find someone who won’t put you through such a heartache. 

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