Post # 1
I recently became engaged about 2 months ago. Roughly 1 month after I became enaged I found out that my fiance had a relationship with her ex while with me before getting engaged. I aways suspected and she always lied about it. There were multiple times where she said she hung out with him and friends, and that he was just a friend.
I went beyond what I should have and dug through her phone to prove to her that she was lying to me. Definately something I am pround of, but wanted her to admit what she did.
I found out that she was the one contacting him all the time and wanted to see him, literally minutes after getting off the phone with me or calling me immediately after getting off the phone with him. She always told me a mutual friend invited both of them. I found that everytime they saw each other she had called him before hand. There were naked pictures of her sent to him. I can’t say she did anything physical with him, but first thought by her reaction with this evidence is she did.
I do really care about this woman, and I really care about her 7yr old little girl. She didn’t have a job (recently laid off), I got her a job with a company I work for before I found this out. I allowed her and her daughter to move in with me. I feel that if I decide to leave her it will cause a big issue at work, since I went to a Senior VP to get her this job.
Post # 3
@bwpalmer22: I wouldn’t stay based on the work situation. Go to your superiors and tell them what happened. I think honesty with them is the best approach here.
I’m sorry OP. She doesn’t sound like she’s the one for you. Cut your losses now.(((((hugs)))))
Post # 4
Personally, I would leave. It would be difficult, especially considering there is a child involved AND you got her a job at your company, but IMO those aren’t reasons to get married. She’s been dishonest with you, she quite possible fooled around while with you which is dangerous to your sexual health, not to mention she is setting a TERRIBLE example for her daughter by sending photos. Things might be a little awkward or a little embarrassing for awhile, but it’ll blow over and you’ll move on.
If you do choose to try to work it out with her for whatever reason then I suggest AT LEAST going to couple’s therapy to figure out why this woman so badly needs attention that she is willing to get naked for it. Regardless of if you “stay” I do not recommend continuing the engagement at this point.
Post # 5
- Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California
Nobody at work has to know about your personal problems. Assuming you both go about your split in a mature & professional manner, I don’t think this would hurt you (or her) drastically. Of course, I don’t what position you hold or the type of company you both work for so I suppose my idea is all kind of in a perfect setting/situation haha.
I would have to leave my husband if I were in your shoes. Whether or not they had a physical affair, she still lied to you ..repeatedly! It also sounds like an emotional affair which is even worse in my books :/.
I’m so sorry you’re in this predicament & I hope all ends well for you & her daughter as well!
Post # 6
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@bwpalmer22: Short answer: Yes, I would be majorly concerned, especially since she lied about it.
Long answer: Unfortunately, helping her get a job with your company was a bad idea. Ever hear the expression “never s#it where you eat”? If you’ve been together many years (3+) and the fling occurred really early on in your relationship but she ended it years ago, then it may be something you can forgive and move on from. But I suspect you haven’t been together very long and as a result it’s much fresher and more concerning.
If you think you can forgive her and learn to trust her again, then definitely try some counseling to work out what exatly happened and rebuild your trust in her. If you know that you cannot forgive and forget then you need to figure out how to extricate yourself from this relationship without damaging your job. Relationships end, it happens and I’m sure your VP will understand. Just make sure you and her do not bring any of the drama into work with you. If one or both of you can change jobs, that would be the best option right now but obiously in this economy it’s going to be tough and probably unlikely to happen.
Post # 7
@bwpalmer22: I wouldn’t stay based on the current situation unless she showed she was really sorry and willing to work on things, but honestly I think she would just be sorry she got caught.
Her behavior doesn’t sound remorseful at all. You deserve better.
Post # 8
@bwpalmer22: That would not be ok with me. It would be hard for me to get past the deceit. It’s so early in your relationship (not even married yet!) for those kinds of problems.
Post # 9
If you have to ask, you probably already know the answer.
Post # 10
I would go. Yeah, you got her a job. And you let her move in with you. But you don’t owe her anything. It doesn’t sound like she really has any respect/consideration for you given the behavior you described.
It would suck for a while, but…long term you’d probably be glad you did it. :
Post # 10
I think you should call off the engagement definitely. She has yet to be honest with you by telling you the truth. You care for her but she obviously does not care for you as much. Cheating is not limited to physical acts. Flirting, constant contact, sending sexual texts/images, emotional connection are also cheating.
Let your bosses know that you are calling the engagement off because you found out she is unfaithful. Your bosses would definitely understand.
Post # 11
🙁 she’s not honest. she lied to you. and cheated. so, i think you should go and find someone who won’t put you through such a heartache.