- 5 years ago
I have been a lurker for a while but this is my first time posting here, i hope to get some insights from all of you. I am at the verge of depression, really. Me and my bf (30 and 28) have been together for 2.5 years. It started as LDR for a year, then i moved to be in his area. I am not american and I am here under student visa, which extend to OPT for a year. I have to say the move truly hurts my job prospect, and i couldn’t find a full time job to support my visa. Despite me letting my bf know early on, he didn’t really pay attention to my visa problem. It was only until i told him i have to go back to my home country, he started panicking. He accused me of not working hard enough to stay, which is far from the truth. I couldnt find anything on my field, only freelances which is not giving me visa.
Even when i told him the information about the visa myself, he never gets it, and finally we went to an attorney to explain pretty much the same thing. The attorney basically said i have leeway if we get married. My bf was taken aback by this. The thing was, i have told him ever since the beginning my timeline was 2 years, because honestly that is the date on my papers. I moved and spent a lot of expenses to his area, then let him move to my place. I can stay or go, depending on the progress of the relationship. So far he was keen on me to stay and he agreed to get married. He assured me it would happen, but he has request. First it was a questionnaire of relationship that i had to fill out. Some of them are pretty insulting (like have you had an abortion, can you respect my family). He sent me this and ignored it for a whole month, despite me being a non status already. Then he asked for my dad’s number overseas, but he wants to do it in private. That was two weeks ago, he lost the number and asked me for it again.
In a way i dont want to nag, but at the same time he is like a child he won’t do anything unless told. I gave him all the time in the past weekend to bring up the questionnaire, he never did. Despite him saying he already finished and printed it. I saw it laying on his desk yesterday and i decided to read it. He sent me a text later on asking to switch questionnaires. Holy moly the thing that i read…
My bf has this girl friend who was overly flirty and clingy to my bf. I have a gut feeling, and asked him if she has a crush on him or if there was anything between them. He denied it over and over. Mind you this girl has always dancing provocatively, grinded her crotch on my thigh, acting lesbian to get attention. She has her own bf who is my bf’s longtime friend. In that questionnaire, he admitted, yes they did ‘hooked up’ one time while she was on a break from her bf. Granted it was in the past, but he blatantly lied when i asked about her. On top of that he called me paranoid and has circus in my head, when my intuition was right all along. How can i even trust anything he said after this? He didn’t even feel sorry, he kept making excuses that her bf was a jerk at that time, she was having abortion and depressed, it was just a dirt in the past, then tried to gaslighted me for overreacting and angry about the questionnaire. I have no secret from him. I dont know if i can look past this lie. Is this enough reason to leave?