Should I stay or Should I go…

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014 - Sea Ranch Lodge

Wow. I have no advice or ideas on what you should do. This situation sounds extremely crazy and his whole family seems RIDICULOUS. Were you planning on just having family at the wedding? 

I hope you’re able to get through this – looks like your family is sweet and supportive, thank goodness you have them! Best of luck to you!

Post # 4
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Wow. That is beyond ridiculous.

IF I were to marry him, there would be NO way in hell I’d be planning another wedding. I’d say (or think) you wanted a wedding? I gave you a wedding? YOU called it off. Coutrhouse or YOU plan it and pay for it.

That is so ridiculous and embarrasing, depressing, etc. for you, that is worrisome he does not see that and is in fact demanding another one.I would sure take one hard look at the relationship and be sure he understands the extent of your feelings. 

Post # 5
Member
1773 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Everyone would handle this differently. For me, if my FI called our wedding off the day before the wedding, I would run away and never look back. I would be horrified and embarrassed and wouldn’t want to be with someone who wasn’t 100% on board. There also seems to be more to his family not responding,not showing up, not getting their outfits….It is more than just laziness; it seems like they do not approve of you and your FI marrying each other, If he’s waiting for them to approve of you, that’s hurtful and may or may not ever happen…. I can see people answering both ways on this one, but I’d run (not walk) away. 

Post # 6
Member
596 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@MrsHudak:  WOW!!! I’m so sorry. I would have went insane if I was in that situation. Doesn’t look like your FI or his family even took this wedding seriously at all. Your FI acts like it was just a simple birthday party. I just don’t understand how he could have been ok and not irate at the fact his family ruined your guy’s wedding day. My first instinct would be to leave him. This doesn’t sound like a man who supports you and puts you ahead of his family. Anyone else would have told their family off and went on with their planned wedding. So sorry you are going through this. 

Post # 7
Member
3598 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

If he really wanted to marry you, NOTHING would have stopped him from doing it. He didn’t even take your feelings into consideration at all when he called off the wedding.  Dump him and don’t look back.

Post # 8
Member
3813 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

Wow this is ridiculous… even if he genuinely wants to get married to you and doesn’t want to do it without his family, his family has known about the wedding for how long and couldn’t be bothered to show up?  WTF?  You are marrying him, not his family, he is marrying you, not his family.  I’m sorry but I would leave if I were you; it sounds like you have done what you could to contact his family and they are not reciprocating, and then on top of that your FI placed them over you and probably cost you quite a bit of money, which is really not cool if you are starting a life together.

 

Post # 9
Member
1253 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@MrsHudak:  Holy crap! If I were go, I would go, go, go! He should care a lot more about you than about his batshit crazy family. When you are having major issues with them and ask him to tell them something, he should NEVER do the “MrsHudak says…”! He should be defending your character, your sanity, and your heart from these nutjobs, not bending over backwards for them.

And HE WENT TO WORK ON THE DAY HE CANCELLED YOUR WEDDING?!?!! BECAUSE HIS FAMILY REFUSED TO SHOW UP?!?!?! That is so, soooo sketchy, callous, and uncaring. No one who was actually upset about not being married on the day nine months into planning would have done that. It is truly insane.  It is so insane that I don’t blame you at all for wondering if he knew or even arranged with his family not to come all along.

Girl, you need a guy who puts YOU first, not some jerks who act like animals that happen to share a bloodline.

Post # 10
Member
64 posts
Worker bee

I’m sorry for you and what you and your family have gone through. But your FI sounds very flaky. If he even had an inkling that his family wouldn’t come (which is just bloody weird, right?!) then he should have put a stop to it LONG before the  DAY OF THE WEDDING…

Its wrong to use your family and you like this. I would leave in this situation. Not sure i’d even be able to look at my SO again without wanting to knock some teeth out..

Post # 11
Member
247 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Has his family given any explanation at all for their behavior? It sounds sooo bizarre! His mom won’t show up for no reason, but than says that she will never speak to him again if he gets married without her?? WTH?!!

I agree that you deserve someone that puts you above their (totally ridiculous) family. I believe that family is really important, but there is only so much crazy that one person can be expected to take. Your FI needs to give you a very specific concrete plan for when you are getting married, and he needs to handle all of the planning, or I would walk. It’s not fair of him to ask you to just wait around for… what?? He needs to give you answers and he needs to care enough about your feelings to marry you without subjecting you to unreasonable demands. 

Post # 12
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m so, so sorry you are going through this right now. I can’t even imagine. It sounds as if he has absolutely no regard for your feelings whatsoever. The kicker was that he actually went to work on the day you were supposed to get married. What?!? The best advice I can give you is to grieve over this relationship and then move on. The fact that his family treats you so poorly (can’t even call you by the right name–so disrespectful) and he has done nothing to step in and stop that is a huge red flag. I know it’s hard now, but it will get better in time–especially when you find the right person who deserves your heart and love and will treat you as you deserve to be treated ::Hugs::

Post # 13
Member
2992 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I think my mouth was hanging open just reading this. What a shitty thing to do – to cancel the day of the wedding. I would be beyond pissed and it is obvious that your FI definitely puts his family above you. I would be running, not walking away from that man. I am SO sorry you had to experience this!

Post # 14
Member
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Could he have told him to ignore you or not respond as a way to get out of it??

What kind of “sheltered, shy” people curse like sailors in front of their kids??

They all, icluding your FI, sound Bizarre, rude, and offensive.

Run, do not walk, run away fast. Drop him like a hot potato.

Post # 15
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

What a crazy person! Time to get far, far away from him AND his family. You deserve SO much better!

Post # 16
Member
346 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MrsHudak:  Trust your instincts. His actions speak so much louder than his words. If he’s not even willing to show up to his own wedding (regardless of who is making it on his side), then he doesn’t want to get married. I’m afraid your family is right. He doesn’t seem very reliable and you deserve better on what is *supposed* to be one of the happiest days of your life.

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