(Closed) Should I step down and ask her to do the same?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Should I step down and ask her to do the same?
    Yes step down from her wedding and ask her to step down from mine : (7 votes)
    19 %
    Yes step down but dont ask her to step down : (28 votes)
    78 %
    No just keep my role as BM in her wedding and let her keep role as BM in mine : (1 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    593 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    Can you talk to her fiance first since he is like family to you? Plus…he’s a guy. He’s bound to think forcing hair extensions on people (wtf) and upping the price of the bm dress by over $100 is crazy anyway. Just before you go cutting ties and potentially damaging friendships…be honest with him/them first and say you want this to work out but it’s starting to cause some problems for you.

    Hopefully they’ll be decent and understanding about it.

    Post # 4
    Member
    6394 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2011

    If you decide to step down, I would talk to FI first and explain it by talking about the cost, not how crazy his fiancee is being :). I wouldn’t expect him to be able to change anything about her choices, but I think talking to him will help save the friendship if you back out (and I would, by the way! The girl sounds kinda psycho).

    My mom had hair extensions put in once, and I think it was a couple hundred? It was at least over $100, which is crazy of her to ask you to do.

    Post # 5
    Member
    24 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    Ugh! What a tough situation.  You sound like you are trying to be totally reasonable and that your ‘friend’ has gone off the deep end!!

    I think telling her you can’t be in her wedding makes sense and you may be able to get out of it without deeply hurting anyone’s feelings – you already told her you felt you didn’t have the extra time to fully devote yourself to being a bridesmaid, and you can just say that as the wedding gets nearer you are stretched too thin and it would be better for everyone if you simply came as a guest to celebrate with her.

    However, if you ask her to step down in your wedding, her feelings will almost certainly be hurt.  Obviously she’s not your favorite person ever at the moment, but she is your good friends future wife so she’s going to be in your life and unless she’s going to totally stress you out on the day it seems best just to leave her in your wedding. 

    That said, ultimately you need to do what’s best for you on your wedding day!

    Post # 6
    Member
    6661 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2010

    Politely step down using $ as the reason since everything is costing way mroe than she had originally promised. Just say you will still be happy to attend as a guest and support her, but at this time cannot afford the dress, hair, makeup, etc. I wouldn’t mention anything about not being able to try on the dress, that’s something she can easily argue with. And I wouldn’t necessarily kick her out of your bridal party, but just mention that you would totally understand if she needs to drop out of yours for the same reasons, giving her an out.

    Post # 7
    Member
    362 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I agree with everyone that has already posted. You should be able to use money as your “get out of jail free card” reason with this situation. However, I also think maybe talking to her FI is also a good idea since you seem to really care about him as part of you life.

    You have to do what is best for you at the end of the day. Good Luck!!

    Post # 8
    Member
    126 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    From the sound of it, being her bridesmaid is not something you want to do or something you’re excited about.

    I would step down from her wedding, citing money and time as reasons, since she can’t really argue those. Tell her you can’t be the bridesmaid she wants and deserves, and that you hope she understands.

    Hopefully getting rid of the stress being a bridesmaid in her wedding is causing you will make things better!

    Post # 9
    Member
    1995 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I would speak to her directly and say that due to costs and the proximity to yours you won’t be able to be a BM.  Offer to help her out maybe with other things, and maybe help out that weekend or wedding prep some.  Say you’ll be still recovering from your own wedding (thats true!) and things like unpacking, gifts, thank you cards etc will be top priorirty and you want to be honest.

    Post # 12
    Member
    3709 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I agree with the PP that you should talk to your friend and explaiin to him what is going on. If you are really close friends, he can understand how upsetting it is to you that on top of things costing WAY more than was initially promised, his FI is also using all of your ideas for their wedding. He should be able to understand why you aren’t comfortable with that.

    Once you have talked to him, firmly but gently let his FI know that you will not be able to be a BM in her wedding due to the increase in the costs of things.

    Post # 14
    Member
    5892 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2012

    mandating hair extensions for bridesmaids?  that’s hysterical

    The topic ‘Should I step down and ask her to do the same?’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors