Should I still send a wedding gift if I wasn't invited?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should I send her a card with gift or just a card?
    Send a card with a gift (check) : (49 votes)
    51 %
    Send just a congratulations card : (42 votes)
    44 %
    Other : (5 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1327 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    I would still send a gift if you want to.  If I was a bride in this situation I would not feel bad if I got your gift, I would feel very lucky that I had a sweet thoughtful friend.

    Post # 4
    Member
    7 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    I would send a card, with a cute little gift with her new initials or something like that.  This way, you are still showing your support for the bride, but without actually “giving money”.

    Post # 5
    Member
    6407 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Etiquette is that a gift is really not necessary at all (there would be nothing at all insulting about just sending a heartfelt card of congratulations), but, it is also unlikely to be awkward if you do include a gift. If you really want to give a gift, just give it.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1734 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 1998

    I received some gifts from people who weren’t invited to the wedding, but they were all made aware ahead of time that it was going to be a SMALL wedding. I was grateful and didn’t feel awkward.  So, I say…do the same.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1275 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @AddyLynn:  The only time I would not send a gift was if I felt excluded or like the bride was making a statement by not inviting me. Since this is a second marriage and a very small ceremony, and you don’t feel snubbed, the gift is in good spirits and is fine to send!

    Post # 8
    Member
    2880 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 1998

    @AddyLynn:  if I could afford the gift I would definetly send one:)

    personally for me I wouldn’t have the funds however I would still send a card:)

    Post # 9
    Member
    2546 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    most of our gifts came from people who weren’t invited. do it 🙂

    Post # 10
    Member
    312 posts
    Helper bee

    @AddyLynn:  I recently eloped, invited no one and did not receive any gifts except from DH’s parents. If a friend gave me cash as a gift I would feel super awkward about it – not because I didn’t invite them but because its just cold hard cash. Alot of people prefer cash though, I guess I’m just not one of them. I personally would have appreciated a card and if you really wanted to do a gift could you do a giftcard to a restaurant or take them out to dinner ?

    Post # 11
    Member
    4474 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    I voted to just send a card, but for a different reason than your mom’s. I just think $100 is a bit too steep to send to someone whose wedding you weren’t invited too, but that’s just my opinion. Also, linking that to whaty your mom said, a large check just may make them feel guilty. If you really want to buy them a gift I would get them something simpler, like some scented candles for their home or a little vase or serving tray. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    6009 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2013

    If I’m reading correctly, it was essentially a vow renewal. What’s the reason for sending a gift, they’re already married and have been for some time. Just send a card telling them you’re happy for their lasting marriage

    Post # 14
    Member
    2720 posts
    Sugar bee

    I had a mostly family only wedding and got lots of gifts from uninvited friends. I really appreciated it and let them know. My little sister’s husband’s church insisted on a shower even though hers was mostly family only and there was no awkwardness there because they were upfront about their situation. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    1340 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I would probably just send a card and maybe a small gift, but that’s just because I’m under a tight budget. If I had the money, I would gift it for sure.

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