- Bichon Frise
- 6 years ago
- Wedding: May 2012
I have made complaints about my future in laws in the past about the lack of help they are giving us toward the wedding. Now I’m wondering if I should say something to them. Not necessarily asking for money or help with things, but to let them know how much sacrificing Fiance and I are having to do to make this wedding happen. I don’t think they realize the cost of weddings or the amount of work that goes into it. I don’t feel like they are being supportive or even helping as much as they can.
Some background: Fiance and I are paying for the majority of the wedding ourselves. Because we live in a metropolitan area and we know how much weddings cost, we decided to elope. We thought we would be nice and tell our families our decision. Well, they flipped out! My family was more understanding, but FI’s parents absolutely insisted that they and FI’s brothers had to be there! We wanted to elope in St. Lucia, so this would involve the 4 of them flying to the island and paying for accommodations as well. The parents said they would pay for the 4 of them to come.
I decided this wasn’t a good option, as I didn’t think it was fair that my family and friends couldn’t afford to make the trip out there. Maybe my grandparents could, but nobody else would. In my mind, it was either have all my loved ones there or have nobody there, so Fiance and I decided to have a traditional wedding in the city where we lived. FI’s parents were elated! Well, the first thing they did was give us their guest list consisting of 48 family members. We looked at venues where you can bring your own food in, but any decent caterer was going to charge us about $25 per person without beverages. I asked FI’s parents if they could help us make our own food or even appetizers, but they said it was too much work for them. So, we decided to get married on a Sunday to save money and have the reception at a restaurant. We found the best deals we could for everything and will have about 85 people at our wedding for the total of $13,000.
My grandparents raised me, so my parents are not in the picture. They said they could contribute $5,000 to the wedding. My grandma wanted FI’s parents to contribute $5,000 as well, so the wedding would be mostly paid for. Her reasoning is that the majority of the guest list is his family, so they should offer money to offset the costs. Plus, they were the ones who had such a negative reaction to us eloping and were willing to spend a few thousand to travel to St. Lucia, so they should be able to give us that money to put toward the wedding. When FI’s parents finally offered us money, they said they would give us is $1,750 and that is for the rehearsal dinner and some of the alcohol since his family are big drinkers. I was disappointed. FI’s dad is a lawyer and makes good money. He doesn’t have any daughters and Fiance is the first son to get married. I just don’t understand why he wouldn’t want to help us have a nice wedding. I mean, not only are they not giving us much money, but they aren’t willing to help with any DIY projects or anything else.
I feel like his parents aren’t aware of our situation. When I told FI’s parents that my grandparents were only giving us 5k, they looked shocked. They are used to the brides parents paying for everything. I feel like they are basing their contributions off of tradition, instead of what they could actually afford to do. I don’t think they realize that Fiance and I are having to sacrifice to pay for this wedding and even though we try to be frugal, the total seems so high. I’m starting to resent his parents and feel like they don’t care. Should I have a talk with them about how much stress we’re feeling, or should I not bring it up?