(Closed) should i tell her she needs to send thank you notes?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: should i tell her to send thank you notes?
    yes tell her, she is your friend and you don't want her to look bad : (3 votes)
    14 %
    no don't say anything, not your problem or place to tell her : (18 votes)
    86 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2385 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I wouldnt, personally.

    Post # 4
    Member
    4327 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 1992

    If it’s a really good friend, I’d maybe just ask her what type of cardstock she used for the thank-you note or something. You know, draw her attention to the notes, and talk about how important they are. But don’t say, “you NEED to send thank you cards”, because people don’t tend to take kindly to being told what to do.

    Post # 4
    Member
    2190 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    @frustrated: I would be so annoyed with your friend if I was you. Seriously…very messed up, in my book. But that’s off topic. Umm…I don’t think you should let her know because it’s really her choice and it might make her look bad but she should know better than to not send thank you’s. However, I noticed you got married less than a month ago…some people take a few months to settle down and get all of their’s done so she might still be sending them out. And in that case, it would be kind of rude to mention it to her.

    Post # 5
    Member
    46158 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Stay out of it. It’s one thing to give advice to a stranger here on the bee. It’s another to try to educate friends re wedding etiquette.

    Post # 6
    Member
    65 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I may be incorrect about this, but I’ve heard that brides have up to six months to send thank you cards for the wedding. I certainly wouldn’t let it go that long, but it’s something I’ve always heard. I wouldn’t say anything to her, in any case – you don’t want to draw any kind of “i did this and you haven’t” comparisons. You would think she would follow your lead. Maybe she honestly hasn’t had time and is still planning on doing them. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    2442 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    You are a her friend.  You should tell her.  Don’t get on her about it.  Ask her in a round about way like “Isn’t writing all those thank you notes really tiring?” or “What kind of thank you cards are you using?” Something that assumes she is sending them, but gives you the opportunity to say something about how important it is to send them if she had not planned on it.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1150 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I guess i can’t really imagine a close friend of mine that i couldn’t gently remind that thank you notes are awesome and that everyone likes getting mail. This whole scenario just seems so surface and fake to me.

    So i guess i’m saying – Yes. Remind her. In whatever tone you normally speak to each other with. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    1150 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    @frustrated: Gotcha. I honestly didn’t mean to be offensive with the word ‘fake’. I should have used something different. I guess i just mean … You must be close to her, she was one of your bridesmaids. I have a hard time imaging a good friend and not being able to have an honest conversation with her. 

    You know what’s best though. In the end, her not sending thank you notes doesn’t reflect on you. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    1077 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    IMO…Not your problem.  Although your dual wedding situation was interesting and unique, I don’t think it gives you any special responsibility to make etiquette suggestions.

    Post # 15
    Member
    929 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    I wouldn’t, and I would HATE to be told.  Just like you didn’t want to have her tell you how to proceed with your wedding, she probably doesn’t want to be told how to proceed with hers.  The thank you note debate is tired and i’m always all by myself on the one side of it so i won’t get into it here, but i’ll just say – maybe she’s made a decision not to send them and you should respect that. 

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