Should I tell her the truth or keep my mouth shut?

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Should I tell her the truth or keep my mouth shut?
    Tell her the truth! : (24 votes)
    13 %
    Keep your mouth shut! : (156 votes)
    86 %
    Other (please explain below) : (2 votes)
    1 %
  • Member
    3316 posts
    Sugar bee

    I think now that you’re so excited for them, it’s just water under the bridge.  If you were still feeling upset/nervous, it might merit a conversation? But since you’re happy, just keep this little jealous moment to yourself.  I think most of us get that feeling when someone gets engaged, if I told every friend I was a little jealous at first when they got something, we’d have to talk out way too many feelings!

    Member
    6033 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I think you need to zip it. No good can come of you telling her that you were initially jealous. I feel that it would just let you get it off of your chest. It would be just to make her feel like someone WASN’T happy about her engagement, and that’s something that she really doesn’t need to know…especially now that your feelings after your initial reaction have changed.

    Member
    1681 posts
    Bumble bee

    @VickyAurea: No good is going to come from telling your friend you were/are jealous. If she mentions it in the future, tell her you are thrilled for the two of them and change the subject.

    Member
    2044 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I’d vote keep your mouth shut.  She sounds like a very sweet person to even think of your feelings, so why risk hurting hers?  It’s natural to be jealous of someone else’s happiness…no matter how happy you are someone will always do something before you and you’ll always be a little green.  It’s normal, but personal.  It sounds as though you’ve come around and are completely happy for them, so there’s no reason to bring it up.  If anything, her caring about your feelings and you showing nothing but happiness will strengthen the friendship!  I’m all for honesty and communication…but you have nothing to gain by fessing up to this one, so I’d let it slide.  Like you told her, your day will come and she’ll be so excited for you too!

    Member
    195 posts
    Blushing bee

    @VickyAurea: I would just keep quite.  My sister got engaged a year ago and you know how every girl knows exactly what kind of ring she wishes for…well my sister got that ring.  On top of me being jealous that she was engaged and I was still waiting for my SO to pop the question, I had to deal with her wearing MY ring.  It really ate me up with jealouse.  Like you it really shocked me the way I felt.  I ended up not saying anything at all.  I did my duties as a BM with a smile on my face because I was truley happy for her.  Looking back I’m so glad I kept my mouth shut.  When I finally got engaged, I got this ring that I love even more. 

    If you say something, you could jeapordize your friendship.  I would just keep it to yourself, maybe talk about it with your SO and eventually you will feel better and it will be your turn. 

    Member
    1286 posts
    Bumble bee

    What is the point of telling her you were jealous?  Really?  How were you not honest with her?  If you say anything to her it is making this about you.  Sorry, it’s her time right now.  Why do you want her to feel bad about her wedding?

    Member
    2260 posts
    Buzzing bee

    My advice:  Never, ever tell a person you’re jealous of them.  Always put on a huge smile and act like their #1 supporter. 

    She’ll never know how you initially felt, therefore I don’t think it’s necessary to tell her. 

    Member
    2168 posts
    Buzzing bee

    This is one of those moments when honesty really isn’t the best policy. And a lot of times it isn’t.

    It’s REALLYYYYYYYY nice of her to come up to you and talk to you about this. Consider yourself lucky that you are going to be developing a close relationship with a thoughtful person like her. Most ppl are not like that. I know that from my own personal engagement experience.

    Member
    6623 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I’m wondering why you think it would benefit her at all to hear this from you? I think the only reason why anyone would say something like that would be to unload their jealousy or frustration on the person they’re feeling it towards. And you would also be taking some of her joy away by saying something like “Yes, you got engaged first but it’s not a big deal because I can get married anytime I want”. This isn’t about you, it’s about her.

    I think you should swallow all of those feelings and urges to tell her how you really feel for now. Focus on her engagement which is totally separate from your relationship. You are clearly well aware that your time will come at which time I guarantee you will want her to do the same for you. Who knows, she might be feeling jealous that since you waited you are going to have a more extravagant wedding! And you wouldn’t want her projecting those feelings out on you, all you’ll want is for her to be supportive!

    Member
    3258 posts
    Sugar bee

    I wouldn’t say anything, there’s really no good that could come out of it..Your time will come.

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