Post # 1
My boyfriend has made a big deal out of a proposal being a total surprise. We have not talked about rings even once. This weekend, I saw a file saved to his desktop- I didn’t open it, but it was clearly research he had saved on diamond cuts. The thing is, I’m not sure I want a diamond, and I definitely don’t want a super expensive ring. I am also totally open to diamond alternatives and other gemstones.
My concern is that we both work in a high paying, prestige-focused industry. I know from my office that expectations about rings in our industry are way more expensive than anything I would ever want. He works so much that if he gets advice from anyone about ring shopping, it will probably be from his colleagues. And their idea of “normal” is anything but that.
I don’t know what to do- talking about it at this stage would seem to ruin the surprise he so clearly wants, and could also look pushy- like I’m telling him it doesn’t need to cost much so it will happen faster. That’s honestly not it- I just have very discrete tastes in jewelry and would be stessed 24/7 about wearing a ring worth more than my car! I also hate the idea of the ring he proposes with not being the ring I wear for life, and I think it would be so hurtful to ask him to return it. But I know the proposal is a big thing for guys and I don’t want to overstep. Should I tell him, and how?
Post # 3
i would highly recommend moissanite. moissaniteco has some great reviews and TONS Of bees here have moissy rings and love them. do a search 🙂 it is so well priced too!
Post # 4
Fiance assumed I wanted a diamond because I worked in the diamond industry for a while.
The way I got him off that idea was by mentioning how I think diamonds are way too expensive and how I prefered moissanites.
We walk around the city a lot and every time we passed a jewelry store I would stop and look.
I went on and on about how I didn’t want a diamond. How I find the practice used to get diamonds obscene and how I would prefer a moissy.
I did it during jewelry commercials as well. All those a diamond is forever commercials, I would talk about how I would prefer a moissy.
You could also have a friend mention it. Along the lines of, oh I’m buying coastalbee88 a present and then have her drag him along to the store so she can mention what kind of ring you want.
Post # 5
Open, honesty- that is what a relationship is all about. I would let him know.
Post # 6
Yes, I would tell him. I wouldn’t push it, though, if he wants to get you a more expensive ring that’s his decision.
Post # 7
I think you should be able to find a way to let him know that you don’t want a crazy expensive ring without pushing him too much on the engagement front.
But, I do sympathize with you. By the end of the week, I hope to bring up the courage to tell my guy that I found the ring I think I want. If he has paid attention at all before now, he already knows that I don’t want something expensive and I wasn’t sure I even wanted a diamond. (By pay attention, I don’t mean that how most women mean it. I mean paid attention when I directly said I didn’t want an expensive ring and wouldn’t be comfortable wearing two months of his salary on my hand!) 🙂
Post # 8
Why be so controlling let him buy you the expensive heirloom. Let there be a little piece of romantic
Post # 9
There’s nothing wrong with giving him a nudge in the right direction. There’s many ways you can bring it up in passing conversation. Ultimately he wants to buy what he thinks you’ll love so if you give him a few clues, I’m sure he’ll appreciate it!
Post # 10
I would definately recommend you finding a way to just talk to him about what youre comfortable with when it comes to your ring. While it is nice for men to pick it out on their own, a little guidance wouldnt hurt. If you think you would prefer moissy, research it so you can tell him all about it and maybe he will feel comfortable getting that for you and same with price of the ring. I think if you just make it clear without being pushy he would probably appreciate it 🙂 My bf still wants to suprise me with the proposal and all that but I talked to him about wanting a moissy and we decided on a ring together, and I think he is thankful because otherwise he wouldnt have none about moissy
Post # 11
I think it is a pride thing for guys to buy you a nice ring. Everyone always asks to see it and wants all the details. You mentioned you both work in an industry it’s kind of expected maybe he WANTS to get you something that he is proud of. I wouldn’t say anything and I would let him pick it and surprise you.
Post # 12
If it is an ethical concern of yours I would definitely nudge him in the direction of conflict-free or diamond alternatives.
Post # 13
I also didn’t want an expensive ring so i just flat out told him….he was very relieved because his money was low to begin with and he was sweatting on how he was going to buy me an expensive one. LOL It workd out for the best!
Post # 14
My bf is the same way as your bf with the research. Apparently, he has been asking his coworkers and researching to see what is the appropriate size diamond for someone with his salary. I could careless if it’s a sapphire or a moissanite. Since I’m not suppose to know that he is ring shopping…I’ve subtlely hinted here and there how lovely a sapphire ring looks and how it suits us but I’ve left it at that. My bf is all for surprises and I know that he would’ve made sure to get the best deal within his budget. // I would hint but not push it. Good luck!
Post # 15
I told Fiance that if he wanted to get me a ring I didn’t want a mined diamond. Can’t justify the price – steered him towards Asha. His friend’s wife has a moissy so he was very open to the idea.
Post # 16
I’ve flat our told my Boyfriend or Best Friend not to spend a lot of money on a ring. He was relieved! I didn’t want to be pushy or anything, so while talking about some of my friends engagement rings (not with my friends there, just the 2 of us) I flat out said it. I’ve also mentioned that I think gemstones are beautiful. Perhaps the two of you can go ring shopping together?