- 4 years ago
This is such a weird situation.
i still havent entirely made up my mind, i get mixed responses from people IRL. Mostly my family says to drop it. But if i do decide to do it… please help me word it.
Ok, now that i have confused you.. before i was born, my father had an affair with my moms best friend. She got pregnant and no one said a word. My family moved to the states and had me (i have two older brothers) and then it came out that my dad was the father of her friends baby. This, funny enough, was not the reason for my parents divorce which occurred years later. My mom has always raised us knowing we had another brother out there. She didn’t think it was fair for us to not know, plus with my brother and I not too far off in age, she didn’t want us to be one of those “icest by accident” couples you hear about haha! (actually, funny story if you stay tuned)
i always wanted to meet him. When i was young i searched through phone books, even called the radio station once to see if they would help me track him down with what little information i had about him and his mom. When the internet came around i again tried with online directories and multiple social media sites. When i was 18 my mom ran into an old friend and she informed her that he has been adopted by his step dad and they changed their last name! I looked again, but nothing. I decided to try again about a year or so later and BOOM! there he was.
I was really nervous because the friend has informed her that he knew he was adopted and knew the family name too (wouldnt be hard to find, it is not common) and never tried. I sent him a message asking him to confirm his mothers name and he replied back “are you my sister?” it was a really emotional, but great experience. We were both super happy to have found eachother and admitted we had always wanted to meet. I learned i have two gorgeous young nieces. We have talked, but nothing very in depth. He has offered to help me with a plane ticket to fly back and see him (i feel a little wrong if i took it though) and i am hoping to go back in the next couple years. One thing we havent talked about is my dad. The first day we talked he asked about him and i was honest. I told him that my dad has never mentioned him to me. My mom was the one who told us. My dad is a great guy, but he made a lot of mistakes and he is more the type to blame someone or sweep it under the rug rather than admit fault.
It was at the point he responded that this was a little much to take in but he would keep in touch. It just ended abruptly and i dont know if that was a sore spot or what. My dad was never brought back up even though we have continued to talk. It has now been 3 years. Recently, my dad has been having some health issues. He is ok now, but was in hosipital a few times this year. Should i say something to my brother? A while ago i thought about telling my dad first, just letting him know but what if he wants to talk to him and my brother doesnt? But what if i ask my brother and he says its ok to tell him and my dad doesnt want to talk? (although faced with it i dont think he would deny him, especially if he learned he has two grand daughters) just god forbid something happens to my dad sooner than expected and i dont want to feel like i should have said something, but then my family just says to leave it. what would you do and what would you say?
Funny Story as promised : my mom got remarried like 10 years ago and i have an older step sister who i am very close with. After i added my newly found brother on facebook she messages me and asked how i know that guy i just added. I told her “DUH, thats my brother!!” and i just see her typing and erasing, typing and erasing and im like “oh god, what did you do!??” apparently they had just met at a club a couple weeks before that and exchanged numbers! hahahha. My step sister and half brother hooked up!! gross!!! she swears just making out buttttt i dont know LOL. She told him and it was super weird, but i guess kind of nice because he was asking all sorts of questions about me. They did not develop into anything, thank goodness. What a weird family tree!