Post # 1
So, I’ve posted about this before, how my friend and her husband were going through a rough patch and how she asked me to let her know if I saw anything suspicious on Facebook since I have an account and she doesn’t. About two months ago, my friend and her husband seperated mostly due to other issues within their relationship, but also because she suspected that her husband was cheating. Through what I did see on Facebook the husband and this girl did talk a good bit and sometimes things were a bit inappropriate for a married man to be saying, but while they were seperated, this contact stopped.
Recently, she has taken him back to get counseling and try to work through their problems but today I happened to notice that the girl was in the same town the husband works in a few days ago and there were some comments that suggested that the husband had seen this girl, but that he was doing the right thing by staying with his wife and child. Of course, it didn’t say that exactly but it’s pretty obvious that something happened.
My friend is really convinced that her husband is coming around and getting better but I really feel like she should know about this. I also don’t want to be a homewrecker, but the comments are pretty suggestive.
The exact comment on the status the day after the girl visited is:
Husband: “I wonder if there’s anything I’m going to miss out on.”
The girl: “I would assume so, but you are doing the right thing. You are a good guy.”
There are other comments, mostly the husband asking the girl if she enjoyed her trip, the girl saying yes with a winking smiley face and so on. To me, that seems suspicious because of my friend’s prior situation
But I also don’t want to be looking into nothing… I’m torn, because she is my best friend but I also don’t want to get involved in their marriage.
If I’m reading too much into this, please, let me know.
What should I do?
Post # 3
I know you are her friend, but I don’t think you should be involved in trying to interpret his facebook comments. She should not have even asked you to be a spy in the first place. That is just too much weight to be carrying around on your shoulders. Unless something is painfully obvious, I wouldn’t bring it up.
Post # 4
@Cady: I’m trying not to. The first time she asked me I was hesitant, but I knew how she was feeling so I told her that if I saw anything I would tell her, but I didn’t actively go looking for anything. I think that the main reason she asked me is because other people on his Facebook were mentioning it to her and I know how bad it made her feel that other people were watching her husband flirt with another girl.
I don’t know, I haven’t said anything to her all month but she’s already asking me if I’ve seen anything which is worse because I don’t want to lie and say no but then again, like you said, it’s really none of my business… I do wish she’d never asked me about it though.
Post # 5
I mean I totally think that’s suspicious, but rather than asking you to spy and you reporting back to her, maybe you could just let her take a look for herself?
Post # 6
I would simply say “I really don’t feel comfortable getting involved with what’s going on with you guys.” She’s putting you in a terrible position in the name of being a friend.
Post # 7
@SouthernGirl: I understand, it is really unfair of her to put you in that situation. I wouldn’t encourage it, just say you didn’t see anything that you would consider flirting or that you havn’t had a chance to really be on facebook lately. (If you are wanting to go the indirect route) Eventually she might stop asking you, hopefully…
The comments you posted seemed innocent enough (seems mainly like he is being the flirty one rather then she), but he could be on his best behavior since he knows friends will say something if they see anything. But anyway, just leave it alone and try really hard not to look at his wall or hide him.
Post # 8
@kate02121: She has seen some of it. He left his account open once and she read some of his messages, but she has no internet and no computer.
@KatyElle: I know. I usually don’t say anything at all about it because there’s honestly never been anything blatantly obvious going on. She would ask me if they were still communicating with each other and I said yes, and left it at that, because they were.
Post # 9
She found out about everything anyway. She actually called me a little while ago and told me how another mutual friend had texted her about it. She also said she confronted him and that he left. He also thinks that I’m the one telling her things. She also apologized for putting me in the situation in the first place, and now she feels bad about asking me because of the way things happened.
Post # 10
SouthernGirl Glad you didn’t have to make that decision, but sad for your friend…he sounds like a major loser anyways….I know she’s hurting right now, but in the long run it will be the best thing for her….just keep being a good friend to her.