Post # 1
So honey and I have been together for 9 years and recently got married, yayy!! He has a large family and many cousins…I met some of them “recently”. One of his cousins asked me if I knew his best friend…..turns out his best friend is an old fling of mine before I met my husband. Great!! Small world! Weird…but this was many years ago before my hubby. Later find out this old fling has been best friends and now hangs out with several of my husbands cousins. Hoping men don’t gossip! and dread bumping into him in family bbq’s. So now my question is….
Should I tell my husband of this old fling that is best friends with his cousins?
OR…should I not say anything, it’s no big deal. Was many years ago before hubby.
Post # 3
Nah, don’t say anything and just let your past be your past. If it comes up in conversation just say you didn’t even think to mention it because it was so long ago and didn’t think it was a topic of interest. If you bring it up it might seem like you still have feelings about it/him and put your dude on edge next time everyone gets together.
Just think about it: what would you prefer if the situation were reversed?
Post # 4
I think it could possibly create some drama that is not needed. If you don’t see his cousins all the time, don’t bring it up. If this person didn’t mean anything to you, don’t bring it up. Guys usually don’t get as upset over someone you were in a relationship with as much as they do with someone you slept with. Does that make sense? It could make him uncomfortable and jealous and if it was that long ago, it doesnt need to be mentioned.
Post # 5
NOT making assumptions about YOU – but about all women LOL! – and if you bring it up, you’ll say too much, and it’ll sound awkward, like, “ok… yeah, so, why is it that important?” It’s not. So leave it alone. Uncomfortable situation, indeed, but just leave it in the past. congrats on your long happy relationship 🙂
Post # 6
Personally I think you should just let him know. I think it would be better coming from you. If someone else were to tell him or even coming from your exes mouth. How would it make him feel? I think in this case it is a matter of what you think he would prefer.
Post # 7
@Storm0075 I do worry that he hears it from someone else, but maybe I’m overthinking it.
Post # 8
I personally would tell him, but I think I’m in the minority. A lot of ladies are of the mindset it doesn’t matter. I know my SO would be hurt if he found out from second else.
Post # 9
I’d tell him too. It was years ago before him, and it doesnt matter, but it obviously popped into mind. Not telling would be more like actively trying to hide it if you debate if you should or not and decide not to.
Post # 10
@purplepeacock yes, agree, will be awkward if I bring it up to him.
Post # 11
I think an important part of a healthy relationship is brining up and discussing “uncomfortable” things.
Now, in reality I guess you could say its non of his business, but because you do care about the information coming to him from a person other than yourself, its probably best to go ahead and do it yourself. Better safe than sorry!
Post # 12
I would tell him, but that’s only because I know I would want to know if I were in his shoes.
Post # 13
I would tell my husband.
I might not tell him over dinner but if we showed up at an event and he was there I might pull him over to the side and say, “Husband, I just saw that a guy I had a fling with x amount of years ago is here. Just wanted you to be aware.” Then, in case someone says something stupidly, you husband wouldn’t be totally blind sided.
I think it gives it more importance if you agonize over it and then say something to him randomly when it’s just the two of you, I could see how that might be awkward and blow it out of proportion a little. Then it seems like you’re attaching a degree of importance to it.
Post # 14
@SamanthaLovesJames: id tell him. it is your past but it has come to bite you in the ass unfortunately and now its close to home. i would want to know if the shoe was on the other foot. i would feel like a fool if no one told me. id feel insecure like there was something more to it and things were being hidden from me with the “unknown” thing.
not that i would care but id want to know now that there is a chance id bump into that person.
you dont want your hubby to feel like a fool do you?
caz i would feel like a fool and id feel like there was something to hide for the face that i was not told. you dont want to mess with his trust in you!
Post # 15
I would tell him. If I were him, I’d be embarrassed if one of my cousins said something to me and I had no idea.
Post # 16
if it’s that old…I think you can casually tell him oh your cousin asked me the other day if I knew this guy, and it turns out I knew him and dated him for a little while…
I think it’s better to let him know than have him hearing it from someone else at family gathering…then he will think you are hiding something if the cousin mention “oh yeah I mentioned to (you) and she confirmed…”