Should I tell SO that I'm out $90?

posted 3 years ago in Money
  • poll: Should I tell SO?
    Come clean : (11 votes)
    13 %
    Keep it to yourself, it's not his money anyway : (71 votes)
    87 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2441 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2018

    Man, I wish I could buy a dress around here for $90! The last Christmas party dress I bought was $160 and it was on sale!

    If you’re using your own money then I see no reason to tell him.

    Post # 5
    Member
    3570 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    No, he’s your FI, not your dad!!  You didn’t spend his money, so I don’t see why it would be his business. 

    ETA:  I do think you guys will need to make a compromise on your money situation if you are not even married yet, but deciding whether or not to tell him about a dress.  This seems like no big deal to me, but if your FI would be THAT upset over it, I think there are some issues you should work out before marraige.  You don’t want to be walking on eggshells everytime you buy something.  

    Post # 7
    Member
    9412 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    @anon00:  I think it depends on your financial agreement. If your money is separate and you are not impacting your ability to help him reach your joint goals (such as buying a house, planning a wedding, whatever the two of you want to accomplish together), then I see this as pretty trivial. I would tell my FI because I tell him everything, and it sounds like you already have a bit of a guilty conscience about it. Only you know what’s true to your relationship and how much you generally disclose anout your discretionary income 🙂

    Post # 8
    Member
    409 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    If it’s your money and you don’t share a bank account I don’t see why you need to tell him. If being out $90 meant you couldn’t pay your portion of the rent or bills, then yes, you would need to tell him, but assuming you can still feed and house yourself I don’t see why he needs to know.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1822 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall

    I would tell him. I don’t like the attitude of “it’s not his money” – if you are living together and sharing expenses, it’s important to both have an idea of what your financial picture looks like. One $90 purchase shouldn’t put you out homeless, but a continued attitude of hiding $100 here and $100 there would be upsetting to me at least.

    Post # 10
    Hostess
    11469 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    I don’t think you have to tell your SO but honestly why wouldn’t you? I mean I could go to my DH anytime and say “boy what a dumb thing I did getting make up on this dress, ugh…” he would laugh and we would move on $90.00 poorer.

    I guess I just don’t understand why communicating something that happened to you is such a big deal regardless of whose account the money came from.

    Post # 11
    Member
    2193 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    i would tell my husband but it would go more like this:

    “awe man! I ruined this dress and now i cant return it, plus is cost $90.”

    and he would be like “yeah that sucks. oh well….” 

    i’m not 100% understanding the situation i think? Do you think you DH would be upset about the $90 loss? accidents happen. Unfortunate that it doesnt fit & you can no longer return it though.

    Post # 12
    Member
    609 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    @MrsTVLover:  seriously this.

    When I go shopping FI will say “new dress? looks nice” He never questions what I spent, where I went, or anything like that. Granted, I dont shop constantly so a lot of times hes pushing me to go buy something for myself.

    Post # 13
    Member
    939 posts
    Busy bee

    I honestly would probably just return it anyways, chances are they won’t even notice the stain. I worked at a clothing store and girls get makeup on dresses all of the time, we would either put it on the sale rack or get it dry cleaned.

    Post # 14
    Member
    1822 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall

    @MrsHoneyC:  I agree, this is how I would approach the situation. I tell him everything, and half the stuff I tell him seems to be me complaining about something dumb I did lol. Just all part of healthy open communication.

    Post # 15
    Member
    3735 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    You aren’t obligated to tell him about this. That’s crazy. He’ll just use his cheap-ness to make you feel EXTRA bad about it.

    Update – Women can now vote, own property, drive, lose $90 by accident…

    Post # 16
    Member
    10384 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    $90 isn’t (to me) an expensive dress. I just bought a dress to wear to weddings this summer and it was $188 on sale.

    I’d try to return it. If they don’t accept it, i’d chuck it up to lesson learned.

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