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if the Bride hasnt ordered yet, I say SPEAK NOW OR FOREVER HOLD YOUR PEACE! =)
**Oh and I totally believe in doing it nicely. Just say "You know I tried that dress on and its just not flattering on me whatsoever, do you think you could come with me to see it next time before we order, just for your final say or maybe you could reassure me on some things? I just dont know how to feel about it?"
God I cant shut up this AM. Im sorry. One more thought. I am going through Bmaid dresses myself for my girls whom have various body types. If I based what my 3 girls will be wearing off of ONE body type, that is not a good plan on the Brides part. I purposely got my girls together one afternoon for a lunch date and dress browsing. And it really helped ME as the bride, narrow down what looked well as a group on them! I have girls ranging from sizes 6, 14 and 20. I think suggesting a group try-on day would be great for your Bride! =)
Its her wedding so you really cant say anything. If I was you I would just be supportive and put on a happy face & wear the dress. The only thing you can really do is try it on for her and hope she hates it....but dont come out and say you hate it. If you try it on and love it then your stuck wearing it. Hopefully she hates it when she sees it on you ;)
I say suck it up. It's her day. But if you don't think she'll like it on you, I'd have her go with you to try it on and start asking her if she likes it on you. If she's still ecstatic about it, just go with it. At least then she knows what to expect.
Honestly, I know it hurts to shell out money on something you will never wear again....... but that is what you potentially sign up for when you agree to become a BM.
I personally let my girls go shopping and show me the dresses they liked. I picked from the ones they showed me... but I am much more laid back and less formal than many girls, and many brides have a certain "vision" that is very important to them. If you are asked how you feel about it, tell her (subtley) the truth. Otherwise, I wouldn't make a remark.
Believe me I feel your pain, last year I was in a wedding and had to wear the most HIDEOUS dress. It cost me $250, the color looked awful with my skin tone, and it was made of the worst material in the world. I threw it away after the wedding. It was frustrating, but the bride loved it on me and the other BMs so we smiled and went with it even though I wondered WTF she was thinking.
Also, I think @College: had a good suggestion. Ask her to come with you guys when you try on the dresses so that she can give her opinion on how they look. If she doesn't like them, you win. If she does... just remember it's only one day.
If she hasn't seen it on anyone yet, can you send her a pic of you in it and see if she volunteers that it's the most gorgeous thing ever or that she has also changed her mind?
If she didn't include the BMs in the dress selection to begin w/ then she really want the dress that you wear to be the one that she pics. It would probably make her sad to know that you hate it or to not be able to pick out the dress. Maybe take this one on the chin for the friendship?
if she loves it suck it up and wear it. Thats just part of bein a BM
Send her a pic of you trying it on, with a comment along the lines of "What do you think? Does it suit me? I'm not sure :)". That way, if she is the type of bride who would want to change a dress that doesn't look good on her BMs, then she will, and if she isn't, then you haven't been rude or offended her... :)
Good luck x
I think you should tell her that you tried it on and you didn't think it fit your body shape that well. If you have a pic let her see it and she is she likes it. If you really look bad, she would prob agree you do.
I feel that if you're paying for them than you should have a choice. The bride should ask you whether you all agree with it.
Thank you for all your opinions! She saw about 4 people in the dresses (there are 11 people in total in the bridal party). I didn't think of taking a picture to send her and she said she didn't have time to meet before she orders. To me, even though she asked how we like it, I feel like she doesn't REALLY want to know. Eh .. I'm still so confused. Thanks again!
@bitemytounge: Yeah, you just said what is probably the truth: When you have to dress a group of girls, yeah...I wouldn't REALLY want to know the answer either. It's inevitable that someone's not going to be happy...
Honestly, it is going to be impossible to please all 11 people with the same dress. The fact that she saw it on 4 different people and still wants to order it tells me that she has her heart set on it and that it is really what she wants. At this point telling her you hate it will only hurt her feelings and stir the pot because she obviously does not hate it. It sucks for you, but try to be a good friend and abide by her wishes for one day. Afterwards, you can scorch it or drag it through the mud if you want to :)
@bitemytounge: oh wow 11 girls, yeah you aren't all gonna love a dress, not gonna happen. That's insane though! Just suck it up. Maybe when you get it altered they can make it more flattering.
btw can u post a pic even just the model pic.
I don't want to post the pic because I'm not sure if she visits this website. I did just speak with her and told her that it was hard to see how the dress looked on me since the sample size was so large, but as long as she loves it I'll be happy wear it. And she responded, Great, because i LOVE it. . oh well :)
i'm sorry, BUT if i'm paying for the dress and it looks hideous then i would absolutely say something. Because on the day of, if you don't look good, don't feel good then as much as you try to "suck it up" you are going to look miserable. That fake smile will look like just that in her pictures. But hey, if she doesn't mind her friends looking miserable then that's her perrogative.
I mean tall and skinny usually can pull off anything. So if it doesn't look good on you then I can only imagine what it looks like on girls of other shapes and sizes.
Send her a picture and go from there.
If you have to get it cause she loves it then, you will have a great birthday present for her after the wedding. :)
This is my exact reason for doing mix & match dresses for my girls, and I only have 3! I would never want to try to dress 11 women in the same dress. I guess you'll just have to deal with it, if that's the way she wants you to look. Part of the territory of beingn a bridesmaid, I suppose.
One thing I do know is that when I get married, I will not force the same dress upon everyone. I would want my girls to look good and feel comfortable, too. Because as previous poster said, it will show in our faces if we're uncomfortable.
@MissCallieJean: If only tall, skinny girls really could wear anything! It's a bit of a myth I'm afraid (either that, or I'm a really unlucky tall, skinny girl!). There are soooo many shapes (especially dresses) that I don't suit :)
I agree with other comments of sending her a photo of you in the dress asking what she thinks.
I would want to know. Even if I loved it but never saw you in it, it could completely change my mind. But then again I'm not a fan of everyone with the same dress, love mixed sets. If my friend is paying alot of money to stand up for me I would want her to be comfortable and confident.
As the bride, I would want you to speak up. Honestly, I ould never want my friends to look terrible in a dress i picked out. To this day, i have no idea what my BMs thought of the dress they wore. I wanted their input but they were quite happy to order what I picked and we were never in the same city to properly try on dresses together.
For me, it would depend on the price of the dres. If its pretty expensive, I would say something. Even if you are a BM, why spend hard earned cash on something you hate? But if it is reasonble, I wouldn't say anything.
I would just wear it and pretend to be happy. She has enough stress going on with wedding planning, it's just best not to give her more. It does suck that you're spending alll that money on a dress that you hate, but that's just life.
I dont see how she would order BM dresses without more than just the MOH trying it on...
Let us know how it goes.
I say send her a picture of you in it.
If she says "It looks great!", you're stuck. You agreed to be in her wedding and that's the dress she wants.
If she says "Oh, that doesn't flatter you too much", you've opened up the conversation to look at more dresses before they're ordered.
If you do end up with the dress you don't like, you can always re-sell it later. In this economy, more and more people are buying wedding-clothes 2nd hand.
@RainStorm: lol that's why i said usually. :)
I just don't get it. All the stress to make sure everything looks good. Centerpieces, decorations, the color/theme. If I put so much effort into making sure everything looked great, why would I want my friends to look bad? Because i'm not the one paying for it?
Pictures last forever.
I wouls respectfully say something to her however, if she says this is what I want... then you accept it, suck it up, be a best friend and wear that ugly dress!! LOL
I know I already gave my 2 cents, but reading the replies made me think of my own experience as a bride w/ this sort of thing, and I felt a twinge of regret, so maybe it helps if I share this...
My BM let me know that none of my favorite dress styles were flattering on her. I wanted strapless floor length, and she was sure she only looked good in knee length halter styles. She's gorgeous and has a perfect body that would look good in any pretty dress. Nonetheless, she didn't even try on any of my favorites.
The result is that I totally love my friends as much as ever, but those photos that are "just so"...well, they aren't just so for me, and of course, my BM's aren't about hang my wedding pictures up around their houses. I did like the dress she picked. It just wasn't as formal as I'd hoped for. I honestly hope that since she got to pick the BM dresses, that she does wear hers again. (I bought it.)
I can't fathom 11 BM's, but there's no way 1 dress will be THE dress for 11 bodies and tastes anyway.
damn. You should have put your foot down, esp. since you were paying for it. Sorry, it didn't turn out the way you liked.
aw man im sorry this didnt end how you wanted, this is why I want mismatched styles so everyone can feel comfortable and have fun
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Hello! This is my first time posting, but I am in a bit of a dilemma. I am a bridesmaid in my best friends wedding. I tried on the bridesmaid dress a week ago, and absolutely hate it. I am tall and thin, and the dress is not flattering on me at all. I know there are girls of different sizes in the bridal party, and can't imagine it would flatter their body shapes either. The bride has not seen the dresses on us, but she raves about how beautiful it was when she picked it out with the MOH. We've been best friends for 10 years, and I really just can't find it in my heart to tell her how I feel, however, I am spending a large amount of money on the dress and feel like I should be able to tell her the truth. She is planning on ordering the dresses this week - HELP! What's a bridesmaid to do?