Post # 1
Regular bee going anon here because this can be a sensitive subject, and just in case the off chance something comes of this I’d rather not be connected.
So I know for 99.999% certainity there are 2 couples in which the husband had cheated. Whether or not the wives know, I’m not sure. I’ve known about both for a long time, and haven’t said anything. But now that I’m married myself I’m starting to think I should. I know I would want to know – no matter who told me. The couples are not related in any way, other than the fact that I know them both. I’ll explain both cases seperately below, and let me know if you think I should tell the wives in which/both/neither case.
Case #1: In this case, I know that the husband hit on and kissed another girl about a month before their wedding. They’re married about 2 years now. There isn’t a doubt in my mind that this is true, because the girl he kissed is one of my life long friends. She told me shortly after it happened. As far as I know, there are only 3 or 4 people that know about this. It didn’t go any further than kissing, but the husband and the girl he kissed do have a history together.
Case #2: The husband (at this time boyfriend), had cheated two times, with two different women which I know about. I don’t have a doubt about this either, and he and my DH were once very good friends and he told my DH about it. The first women he cheated with was a mutual friend of the couple. They would hook up (have sex) on a regular basis for about a year. The second women happened when he moved away for a few years to go to school. His GF (now wife) was unable to go with him. When he moved away, he not only hooked up with another women, but was carrying on a romantic relationship as his girlfriend for almost a year.
Do you think I should tell the wife in either case? I’m not really good friends with either of them, but an friendly with them
Post # 2
BeeWhoMustNotBeName123: Why now, if you’ve known about it for some time(years in this case as both men cheated before they were even married?)why didn’t you say anything at the time? I’m all for female solidarity and watching each others backs, but you don’t know if either husband has cheated again(I’m of the view that once a cheat always a cheat, but that’s not the point)and you aren’t close friends with these women, so you have nothing to gain and also nothing to lose. Unless you have concrete proof that these men cheated(as in pics, emails, texts)then I’m afraid the wives will more than likely react very badly to a woman who they aren’t particularly close with telling them their husbands cheated on them years ago when she has nothing to back it up with. Honestly, if the guys are serial cheaters then their wives will find out on their own, don’t risk drama within your circle of friends/acquaintances just because you suddenly have some irrational urge to spill the beans years later.
Post # 3
As neither case is current, I don’t think telling would do any good.
Post # 4
It’s been 2 years, before either one was married. Stay out of it. Don’t stir up drama.
Post # 5
A) You have no idea if these women do know, and have chosen to move past it, and I don’t think it’s your place to get in the middle of their relaitonship, especially since you aren’t even friends.
B) It was years ago, and if you wanted to tell, you should have told them at the time.
C) Scenario A to me, really isn’t that bad, and if this couple have been happily married for years, I don’t see how finding out he kissed someone else before they were even married will even make a difference at this point. Of ocurse I’d be upset, but at this point, and assuming nohting has ever happened again, I’d not even want to know.
Scenario B is far worse, he was acitvely having affairs. If you are going to tell, I would tell this woman. That being said, if anything, I would enocurage him to tell, and not involve myself directly.
Post # 6
First of all, I would never tell anyone someone cheated on them unless you actually SAW it with your own eyes and gave the cheater the opportunity to confess themselves. Secondly, it’s too late now. Don’t ruin someone’s life unless you know for 100% sure the cheating is still going on.
Post # 7
None of the cheating is current and neither situations involve you. It’d be best to keep it that way for all parties.
Post # 8
If you were so concerned about it why would you wait years to tell them?
Post # 9
Normally I’m for telling if it’s someone you are close to, whose back you should have, but these two situations are old and you did not see them with your own eyes. I wouldn’t tell.
Post # 10
BeeWhoMustNotBeName123: Has the guy in case #1 continued cheating after they were married? If not, then I would probably let it go. He might have been working out some emotional/closure issues before his wedding. The way he went about it is COMPLETELY wrong, but if he has been a faithful husband since, I don’t see a reason to rock the boat. There are some bees that will disagree with me on this though.
Case #2 sounds like serial cheater. I’d totally blow the whistle on him. Just make sure you can offer proof of his infedelity or it will be a he said/she said situation that he will probably be able to worm his way out of.
Post # 11
- Wedding: April 2015 - Family Farm
BeeWhoMustNotBeName123: After keeping quiet this long I really think you should just keep shut. You had a chance to tell them when the damage could be more limited. You chose not to. I really don’t think it’s your place.
Post # 12
- Wedding: February 2015 - Chapel on Base
I’m with the rest. Why now? What do you stand to get out of it. If it were me and you told me now I would consider you less of a friend because you didn’t tell me right away.
Post # 13
The truth will always come to light, in good time. I don’t think you need to stick your nose into it.
Post # 14
keep your mouth shut. you have no idea what has been talked about inside their marriage, they may already know or they may not. but it is not your place to speak up. especially this late. it doesnt show you being concerned, it shows you being a shit starter. if you don’t respect the guys for their choices, then don’t be friends with them. but unless you were involved personally, you have no place.
Post # 15
BeeWhoMustNotBeName123: most definitely not. I’m wondering why you think it would be wise to bring up these things after such a long time? I would just leave it be.