Should I tell the wives that they cheated?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
245 posts
Helper bee


BeeWhoMustNotBeName123:  Why now, if you’ve known about it for some time(years in this case as both men cheated before they were even married?)why didn’t you say anything at the time? I’m all for female solidarity and watching each others backs, but you don’t know if either husband has cheated again(I’m of the view that once a cheat always a cheat, but that’s not the point)and you aren’t close friends with these women, so you have nothing to gain and also nothing to lose. Unless you have concrete proof that these men cheated(as in pics, emails, texts)then I’m afraid the wives will more than likely react very badly to a woman who they aren’t particularly close with telling them their husbands cheated on them years ago when she has nothing to back it up with. Honestly, if the guys are serial cheaters then their wives will find out on their own, don’t risk drama within your circle of friends/acquaintances just because you suddenly have some irrational urge to spill the beans years later.

Post # 3
6668 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

As neither case is current, I don’t think telling would do any good.

Post # 4
1552 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

It’s been 2 years, before either one was married. Stay out of it. Don’t stir up drama.

Post # 5
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012


A) You have no idea if these women do know, and have chosen to move past it, and I don’t think it’s your place to get in the middle of their relaitonship, especially since you aren’t even friends.

B) It was years ago, and if you wanted to tell, you should have told them at the time.

C) Scenario A to me, really isn’t that bad, and if this couple have been happily married for years, I don’t see how finding out he kissed someone else before they were even married will even make a difference at this point. Of ocurse I’d be upset, but at this point, and assuming nohting has ever happened again,  I’d not even want to know.

Scenario B is far worse, he was acitvely having affairs. If you are going to tell, I would tell this woman. That being said, if anything, I would enocurage him to tell, and not involve myself directly.

Post # 6
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

First of all, I would never tell anyone someone cheated on them unless you actually SAW it with your own eyes and gave the cheater the opportunity to confess themselves. Secondly, it’s too late now. Don’t ruin someone’s life unless you know for 100% sure the cheating is still going on.

Post # 7
592 posts
Busy bee

None of the cheating is current and neither situations involve you. It’d be best to keep it that way for all parties. 

Post # 8
5935 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

If you were so concerned about it why would you wait years to tell them?

Post # 9
7147 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Normally I’m for telling if it’s someone you are close to, whose back you should have, but these two situations are old and you did not see them with your own eyes. I wouldn’t tell.

Post # 10
5208 posts
Bee Keeper

BeeWhoMustNotBeName123:  Has the guy in case #1 continued cheating after they were married? If not, then I would probably let it go. He might have been working out some emotional/closure issues before his wedding. The way he went about it is COMPLETELY wrong, but if he has been a faithful husband since, I don’t see a reason to rock the boat. There are some bees that will disagree with me on this though.

Case #2 sounds like serial cheater. I’d totally blow the whistle on him. Just make sure you can offer proof of his infedelity or it will be a he said/she said situation that he will probably be able to worm his way out of.


Post # 11
669 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015 - Family Farm


BeeWhoMustNotBeName123:  After keeping quiet this long I really think you should just keep shut. You had a chance to tell them when the damage could be more limited. You chose not to. I really don’t think it’s your place.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Olgarie.
Post # 12
1300 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2015 - Chapel on Base

I’m with the rest.   Why now?  What do you stand to get out of it.  If it were me and you told me now I would consider you less of a friend because you didn’t tell me right away.  

Post # 13
8680 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

The truth will always come to light, in good time. I don’t think you need to stick your nose into it.

Post # 14
262 posts
Helper bee

keep your mouth shut.  you have no idea what has been talked about inside their marriage, they may already know or they may not.  but it is not your place to speak up.  especially this late.  it doesnt show you being concerned, it shows you being a shit starter.  if you don’t respect the guys for their choices, then don’t be friends with them.  but unless you were involved personally, you have no place.  

Post # 15
5968 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017


BeeWhoMustNotBeName123:  most definitely not. I’m wondering why you think it would be wise to bring up these things after such a long time? I would just leave it be.

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