(Closed) Should I tell?

posted 10 years ago in Beehive
Post # 3
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

I’m just your average stay at home mom, I report to no one…ecept the 3 year old and dog…lol – but before I was bestowed this brilliant position, I too worked in corporate america. My feeling on it is this – it’s not their business really.

Does being engaged directly effect your ability to preform your job in it’s entirety? If not, let it travel up the grapevine. Unless they are a "friend" at work I don’t think that calling upper management to annouce your news is something that they will really not care weather or not you do. So you might move, well you know how much notice is required by your job, when it’s time and you KNOW you’re moving – then tell them you’re moving. Letting this "cold" woman know that you could be moving might make her start looking and hire someone before you even go – kwim?

 

Welcom to the group! Congrats on your engagement!!! 

 

 

 

  

Post # 4
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2008

You have to tell your bosses yourself- it is way more professional than letting them hear through the grapevine. If you intend on moving, you should come up with an intended timeline and let them know ASAP. This way, they have ample time to find you a replacement and ample time for you to complete projects or train your replacement. Yes, cold, but this is a business and they have business to take care of. So let the bosses know that you
A. are getting married and you wanted to tell them yourself 
B. are not planning on moving for X months and will let them know as soon as you make a decision (preventing you from having to deal with anything right now).
C. will assist in training your replacement and will not leave any large projects hanging.

 

Good Luck and congrats on your engagement.

Post # 5
Member
226 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Congrats!!  Quite a pickle!  I don’t think you have any obligation to tell anyone.  If you and your bosses try to keep in touch with each others lives, I think it’s only right to share.  But if your boss is your boss and you never speak of your personal lives, it’s easier it seems, under the circumstances, not to share and let the grapevine spread the happy news!

Post # 7
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

I think you handled it well.  I was going to suggest telling them but not giving a definitive answer about who is moving where… even though you have decided that you will move, they don’t need to know that.  For all they know, your fiance could move back to where you live.  I would not let them know about your decision to move until maybe a couple of months before you’re moving.  8 weeks is more than generous in terms of giving notice; most places only expect you to give 2 weeks.

Babagrlshell, I’m not sure it’s in an employee’s best interest to let a boss know about their plans to leave the company if they are not planning on leaving yet.  Yes it’s business and it would be helpful for the business to have ample time to replace you.  But business is cold, as you mentioned yourself, and letting a boss know that you intend to quit at a later date makes you disposable to the company.  You become less valuable in the meantime.  You sacrifice possible pay raises, promotions and respect from coworkers.  They may find a replacement for you early and then fire you before you intend to leave.  Big businesses look out for themselves and their numbers first, not their employees, so employees have to look out for themselves.  That sometimes means keeping secrets from the bosses, but that is just playing the office politics game, and the bosses are playing that game too.

Post # 8
Member
638 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2007

I agree on holding off disclosing moving plans until they are more firm.  At this point – anything could happen.  He could move, you could move, you could both move!  Your bosses don’t need to start making decisions based on something that ‘could’ happen 🙂

Congratulations!

Post # 9
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2008

true true smartl- I was thinking about that as I was reading her update post. Leaving it more vague in the meantime until a more definitive date is decided is in her best interest- I was looking at it from the bosses standpoint when I was writing that… I would say though to give them at least 1 mo notice if you have the opportunity- they will thank you in the end for giving them more than two weeks and will be a good reference in the future for other opportunities!

Post # 10
Member
61 posts
Worker bee

i told everyone at work right away – but i thought i was staying in the area back then.  we are 99% sure we are moving out of the area and i haven’t told them yet, and i don’t intend to until after we are married in august, because i would like to hold onto my job as long as possible and secure any transfer possibilities if they are available.

as long as you give them plenty of notice, they should understand. 

Post # 10
Member
61 posts
Worker bee

i told everyone at work right away – but i thought i was staying in the area back then.  we are 99% sure we are moving out of the area and i haven’t told them yet, and i don’t intend to until after we are married in august, because i would like to hold onto my job as long as possible and secure any transfer possibilities if they are available.

as long as you give them plenty of notice, they should understand. 

Post # 10
Member
61 posts
Worker bee

i told everyone at work right away – but i thought i was staying in the area back then.  we are 99% sure we are moving out of the area and i haven’t told them yet, and i don’t intend to until after we are married in august, because i would like to hold onto my job as long as possible and secure any transfer possibilities if they are available.

as long as you give them plenty of notice, they should understand. 

Post # 11
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

babagrlshell – I do agree with that.  When I quit my previous job I was able to give them 5 weeks notice and they sure did appreciate it because they only just found someone at the end of the 4th week and then the new girl had to give notice at her job, so they were without someone for one week.  Giving more than 2 weeks notice is good if you can manage it, but I would never give several months of "vague" notice with no firm plans in place.

I see no problem with telling coworkers you’re engaged though!  It just seemed like this was a special case because the engagement was possibly synonymous with announcing you will be leaving your company.

Post # 12
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee

I would say you are engaged, nothing wrong with that, but I wouldn’t discuss your possible relocation etc. Things MIGHT change, you never know. Then you will be stuck in a situation where you HAVE to leave because you already told everybody. If people ask, just say you are not sure yet, that you need to figure things out.

I relocated for work while my long term live-in bf stayed behind. People keep asking me when is he moving over. In the meantime we are thinking of either me moving back or both of us going to grad school, either way I only see myself staying here for about a year. however, that is not something I would EVER discuss at work. As sad as it is, this is business, you have to watch out for yourself.

Post # 13
Member
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2009

Be happy and spread the news about your engagement to who you feel comfortable with. You can use "its too early to tell" excuse  or " we plan on a long engagement" until they stop asking (or you figure out what you’re dong).

Post # 14
Member
38 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2008

Congratulations!

I told colleagues I was friends with when I first got engaged, and ended up telling everyone else by adding it to the end of meeting minutes (which I had been taking). Despite me wearing the ring, it’s not engagement-looking and I work in a mostly male (IT) workplace so they wouldn’t have noticed otherwise

 It was a good way to test if they’d actually been reading the minutes, and it did eventually get up to upper management in this way too. My engagement in no way impacted on my working life* though – we’re planning to stay in the area and I’m a contractor anyway, so if they really wanted to get rid of me they don’t need an excuse. 

 If I thought it was going to affect career prospects I probably wouldn’t have told them directly, but still worn the ring to work. A lot of people don’t seem to notice!

*Except that I now look at weddingbee at work! 

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