Should I tell her/Cheating situation?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
6021 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Nope, and shame on your SO for taking what his friend told him in confidence and passing it along.

Post # 3
Member
598 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015 - Dreams Las Mareas - Costa Rica

no no no…. stay out of it.  You and your SO will have many problems if he falls out with his friend andrew… he will resent losing his friendship because you couldnt keep a secret that he told you in confidence. 

this can really get bad

pillow talk is pillow talk… it stays there!

Post # 4
Member
7193 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Chocolateprincess:  I’d tell Lisa. My guiding principle is if you are close to the person being cheated on, you tell them what you know.

But it’s hard to avoid Andrew finding out that the information came through you, so don’t expect Andrew to like you after this.

Post # 5
Member
303 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015 - Golf Course

Is there any way you could try and tell her anonymously? Maybe make up a throw away email account or something? I totally understand where you’re coming from wanting to tell her, as she might be getting into a marriage under false pretenses, but I feel like it isn’t worth causing a huge rift between you and your SO if he were to find out that you went against his wishes and told her. 

Post # 6
Member
1321 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Mind your business.

Post # 8
Member
7193 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Chocolateprincess:  How did your SO find out? Did Andrew just volunteer the information, or was it because SO noticed something?

Post # 9
Member
7385 posts
Busy Beekeeper

If it was me I would start worrying about what else my SO had been blabbing about to other people since he is such a gossip. It’s quite possible that other’s like Andrew know all your dirty little secrets and might be inclined to start blabbing them about too. Someone who can’t keep a confidence is no one to trust.

 

Post # 10
Member
10986 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Because you do not have FIRSTHAND knowledge of this situation, you cannot tell Lisa that Andrew cheated.

HOWEVER, because you are so close to her, I think you CAN approach her with a spirit of concern and tell her that someone YOU trust has told you that Andrew cheated, and that you wanted her to be aware of what someone said to you.

Although Lisa likely wil realize that this information came from your SO, you do not need to reveal your source to her. She can decide whether or not she wants to confront her FI about the situation.

 

 

 

Post # 12
Member
587 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Chocolateprincess:  The decision to tell should be one that you are your SO make together. If you tell Lisa and its destroys SO’s relationship with Andrew he may resent you. Unless I had SO’s support I would keep my mouth shut. 

Post # 13
Member
7193 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Chocolateprincess:  I was “hoping” for an answer like that. Because then perhaps you can tell Lisa the things SO noticed, without divulging the conversation between SO and Andrew.

FutureMrs.Cammack:  I understand what you are saying. But would I not help a dear friend just because my husband didn’t want to get involved? It’s a hard one. 

Post # 14
Member
736 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Chocolateprincess:  yikes! I really don’t like how other bees are flaming YOUR SO. I believe in 100% openness in my relationship and frankly, I tell my SO everything. That doesn’t mean I’m a babble mouth and gossiper, but he’s the person I bounce crap off of, and vice versa. There is nothing wrong with that and shame on everyone here who judges that, each relationship and it’s level if openness is different.

That being said, I personally would have a girl’s night out with Lisa, and casually bring up a what-if scenario. If she indicated to me that she absolutely would want to know, I damn well would tell her. I agree with you, the guy sounds like a serial cheater. Furthermore, if you keep your mouth shut, what will she think when she does find out (possibly years from now) once she’s wasted the best years of her life on this douchebag, had kids with him, etc.? How do you think she will feel then, when she’s emotionally drained, she’s tied to him with kids, and she’s getting too old to find someone who will treat her the way she deserves?

All this self-righteous bullshit talk from everyone on here is very nice and self-serving but at the end of the day, a good friend looks out for his/her friends. Perhaps that is why (even on a subconscious level) your FI felt the need to tell you.

Post # 15
Member
587 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

aussiemum1248:  It absolutely is! It would be ideal if SO shares OP’s feelings about the infidelity and could see past his relationship with his friend and at the very least understand why OP feels so strongly about telling the truth. I do not envy this situation that’s for sure. 

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