Post # 1
I have an interview tomorrow. My profession is 85% male. Almost all excutives, managers ect are typically male. Its a technical consultant company who I would be working for. I am worried that if I tell them I am getting married at the end of the month they won’t hire me. Women are typically looked upon as disposable in my profession becuase we take time off to have kids, ect.
A little background about me: I have been unemployed for 5 months now and this will be my 1st interview in that time. I have 3 years experiance in this type of work, and they are interviewing me for several postions (they told me I was meeting with several different managers). My FI lives and works in San Diego, the job I am interviewing for is in the Bay Area.
I don’t want them to think that becuase I am getting married I will quit to move down there with FI when we are married. Should I go to the interview without my ring? Should I let them know I am getting married, and would need time off during this month if they hired me? We are not doing a honeymoon but I would like the 2 days off before the wedding.
Just wanted to get some input. I wouldn’t lie to them if they asked, but I don’t want to make it apart of getting or not getting the job.
Post # 3
@Captain013: Tricky, tricky. I would at least mention that you need two days off for whatever reason you may want to give. Everyone has their own opinion about this topic though. I went to my job interview with my ring on and honestly, no one noticed. My own director was shocked when I told her I was going to take two weeks off in October for my honeymoon. Her response was “I didn’t even know you were getting married!!” Hah. I think some people tend to overlook certain things.
Post # 4
- Wedding: April 2012 - St. Philip Catholic Church/Arcadia Brewing Co.
I also work in a mostly male indusry. I would not bring up your wedding at all. Perhaps a plain band instead of an engagement ring.
Interesting fact, in he past (50+ years ago) a wedding band was a staple of female professional dress, even if she wasn’t married. I guess they figured it would stop (or slow) her male co-workers from making a pass at her.
Post # 5
Eh, if you are worried about it even a little, I would take it off. No harm done by that, right?
Post # 6
@Captain013: I totally understand. I’m also in a male dominated industry. I would not wear your ring, and I would not mention needing the time off until AFTER you get an offer. Of course, if they ask you questions then obviously don’t lie, but I don’t think there’s any need to bring it up.
Post # 7
I was somewhat in the same situation and decided not to wear my engagement ring to my interviews and I referred to my fiance as my boyfriend when I had mentioned him during the interview. If you do get the job, then let them know after that you will be needing to take some time off for your wedding. It would not be adviseable to mention it now before getting a job offer. Just say something AFTER you get the job. I doubt that any job would not give you the time off for your wedding. Good luck and keep us posted! (oh and by the way, I did end up getting a job and I said something to my boss and she said that it will be fine. I was worried over nothing)
Post # 8
I’m gonna agree with PPs. Sometimes you’ve gotta play the game. I applied to a job with a religious company and decided to wear my ring because I knew they’d be family oriented. If I were you, I wouldn’t wear your ring, or mention the wedding until after you get the job.
Post # 8
@meowmix318: I agree with everything you say, except I wouldn’t refer to the fiance as a boyfriend since that’s not accurate.
Post # 9
I’d say skip the ring if wearing it is one more thing to stress over in an inherently stressful situation. Especially if you think there’s the potential for discrimination.
I would not offer the fact that you’re getting married. It’s not their business. I don’t know how big this company is, which is part of what affects the laws they operate under, but a good rule of thumb for them is not to ask about marital status. Someone else may have better advice as how to handle it if they do.
As for the PTO, it may not even come up. Where I work, the interview-to-hire process can really lag. The two days you need for the wedding may be before you’d even start working. If they are moving fast and make an offer, go ahead and tell them you have a committment on suchandsuch days and need to be out. (Commitment, wheeee!) You don’t need to tell them why. Others may have different experiences, but my firm prohibits PTO in the first 90 days, so we actually agreed on a start date that was after an already planned trip.
Finally, knock ’em dead, Captain!
Post # 10
I wouldn’t wear it or mention it. You can mention that after you get the job.
Post # 11
@Captain013: It would be illegal for a company to discriminate against you based on marital status.
As a former senior-level manager for many years who has hired many employees, I definitely think you should wear your ring and be very forthright about your wedding plans and need for the two days off within the next month. Because your wedding is so soon, and you will require two days off without pay, I think you have no choice but to tell them you’re getting married and when. I would tell them that you are available to start work immediately but that your wedding is March ___ and that you would be requesting two days off without pay prior to the wedding. I would tell them that you are not taking a honeymoon and would be available to return to work the Monday following your wedding.
The HR team and hiring manager would have to respect you for your honesty and forthrightness. To fail to mention this and not wear your ring may cause someone to have less trust in you if they find out from you on your first day of work that you failed to mention that you needed time off within the first month of your job.
By the way, I would say nothing about your FI or the location of his job, as that has no bearing whatsoever on your ability to perform work for the company for which you are interviewing.
I hope all goes well!
Post # 12
Thanks ladies. I think I am going to leave it off. I don’t want any potential discrimination ruining my perfectly good chances.
I think I will try not to mention FI at all and I will wait until offer negotiations to let them know of my commitment I have later in the month….
“What kind of commitment?”
“Lets just say its the ultimate commitment.”
Now I have to outfit stratigize!
Post # 13
@Captain013: I would maybe not wear the ring, and def not mention the wedding during the 1st interview
As things get on you could throw that out there—maybe when you are negotiating salary etc., but mentioning it right off the bat on the 1st interview makes it easy for them to rule you out
As far as them fearing you moving after the wedding….are you planning to move? If not, then why mention where your fiance works/lives?
If you have a big flashy diamond ring they may feel compelled to ask about it, and that might bring up some prejudices—but if you DO get the job and just show up with the ring one day and spring the impending marriage on them that might seem kind of sneaky
Post # 14
@Brielle: it may technically illegal, but how would she ever prove in court what the real reason was for her not getting hired??
It’s only 2 days—it’s jumping the gun to mention it before she is offered the job
Post # 15
i really think that you should wear your ring. in an interview you don’t need to tell them when you’re getting married. IF you get the job, bring it up to your boss after you’ve worked a couple weeks. they should be understanding.