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Honestly, I don't think it's worth getting mad over. I would just move on and try to enjoy both your weddings :)
I can see the oversight on the Dr/Miss thing. I'm currently wracking my brain to see if I did the same thing by accident!!! BUT being an ex-BM and not knowing your fiance's name?! That's not okay. She sounds like a bit of a space cadet to tell you the truth...
I would be insulted but I would agree that you should move on and enjoy the weddings.
I would be more insulted about her ditching bridesmaid duties and then telling you that you may not be invited.
If she is close enough to you to be asked to be in your wedding party, it is strange that she wouldn't use your fiance's name. She might have just not known it was such a huge faux pas. However, with the other things included . . . she seems to be pushing it with you.
I would just move past it and not let it ruin either of your weddings like greenapples said. AND be thankful she refused to be in your wedding. It sounds like she is either a little flakey or a little rude.
I'd be insulted, too. I am not a PhD yet, but anyone who has earned it (or MD or any variation thereof that results in the D!!!) deserves to be called it. Granted, in social situations, it's more flexible, but considering all the background, and the fact that she left your FI's name off entirely, it just rubs me the wrong way. I would hope she isn't being malicious or passive aggressive, but she is at least being insulting and spacy. That being said, I wouldn't start a fight over it, especially not with all that has gone before! I might mention it in passing. Or write Dr. Name and FI Name on the reply card instead of M_______! ;)
Maybe it's an etiquette thing? When my MIL was sending out rehearsal dinner invites, we had several BMs and GMs with significant others who were also invited to the dinner. My MIL wouldn't put both names on the invite even though some were living together. She insisted on putting "and Guest" even though I gave her all the names. She said it wasn't proper to address both people if they weren't married... not that I really cared but hopefully your cousin was trying to be proper and not insulting!
@elaineathon: I think you MIL is wrong on that one. You can certainly put unmarried couples on the same invite if they are living together, they just get separate lines. So it would look like: (edit to say: I'm sure she had the best of intentions though! It can be confusing sometimes, especially across generations)
Ms. Jane Doe
Mr. John Smith
123 fake street
City, State 12345
Technically, "And Guest" is never proper (you're supposed to talk to the person and find out the name of who they want to bring, then either put that name on their invite or send that person their own invite), though it's used a lot nowadays for people who you want to allow to bring someone, but you don't particularly care who they bring. So OP from that invitation, she was basically saying "MrsDoctor, you're invited, and you can bring the mailman for all I care". I agree it's insulting.
I think its weird that she didnt put your FH's name I dont know how she wouldnt no his name. but I never call dr's dr. blank I dont use any titles ever I just think they are old fashioned.
I'd be more insulted about the Dr. thing than the name thing....but not insulted enough to say anything...
I pretty much had the same thing happen.
FI used to date a girl's bestfriend and they live in the city we're having our wedding in, so it felt really rude to not invite her, since they all remain friends. So, I went to the trouble of digging up this girl's name and her fiance's and addressing their invite appropriately. Then a month later, they send their wedding invite to my house addressed only to my fiance. Not even an 'an guest.' (Seriously... You can't pretend I don't exist, you just received our invitation with my name on it. Plus, you had to ask for my address, since it wasn't on the invite. Some nerve.)
Then, a few weeks later FI's cousin sends her wedding invite to my house and same deal... just to my fiance, not to me. I could understand if we'd only been dating a year, but we've been together for EIGHT years and we just recently sent you our invites. What is wrong with people?
My advice to you, blow it off. She's younger than you and probably has not had enough friends go through the wedding process to really understand the etiquette involved. I'll admit when my sister got married three years ago, I had NO clue about everything and how offensive some of the seemingly smallest things can be. My guess is that it's not that she doesn't know your FI's name or anything it's just that she probably blew through the guest list and wrote 'and guest' on everyone that was not immediate family. Do you think it's possible they were just lazy?
i agree with hergreenapples.. if your gonna go then just 4get abt whatever wrote on the invite.. its not important. if it really bothers you than just dont go to the wedding. but dont waste anymore time thinkin abt it.
Thanks for your input everyone. I would never say anything to her about it. What hurts me the most is the slighting of my man. Maybe i SHOULD take the mailman, or UPS man... he's hot, lol!
It would just be nice to know if she did it on purpose or not.
mrsdoctor... I feel you. I am an MD too, and I never throw my title around but I feel like on formal invitations it is definitely warranted! A couple of summers ago, I was the MOH in two different weddings, and both brides addressed my invitation to Ms. or Miss. I also feel like if I were a man, they would definitely have used the Dr. So when we did our own invitations, I used Dr. on the return addresses. Probably no one even noticed but it made me feel better. :)
As an MD, I totally hear you on the title thing. I don't throw it around AT ALL, but it drives me crazy when someone uses the wrong title. I am not sure how long you've been a physician, or if most of the people who send you things use good etiquette, but I get things addressed to Miss, Ms. or Mrs. very frequently. I don't care if people just address me by name with no title, but if you're going to use a title, please use the correct one.
I say if you dished out 150k plus for the education you are entitled to be addressed properly by your immediate family, friends, and collegues (i.e. people who know). But like everyone else said, the right thing to do is be the bigger person yada yada.
I become irritated when people send invitations addressed to me in my husband's name. Everyone knows I kept my maiden name. I am not Mrs. W I am Ms. G.
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So, I just got an invitation to my cousin's wedding. It was addressed to Miss ____ ____ and guest. Now, here's the background story...
She is 3 years younger than me. She got engaged about 6 months after me, and called me to tell me that she could no longer be a bridesmaid in my wedding because she had her own to pay for. Then she told me she's having it 2 weeks before mine. I got over it. Then, a few weeks ago, there was talk that she might not even be inviting me or my brother to her wedding because her fiance's family was so big. (she only has 3 cousins.) Well, needless to say, I got an invitation (haven't talked to my brother yet).
What is insulting is that she addressed me as Miss, when I'm Dr., and didn't use my fiance's name at all! I mean, I'm not trying to throw my title around, but she knows what I am, and she knows my fiance's name. Even if she didn't remember it, she could have called me or my mother...
so, is this stupid of me? My FH is a little insulted, too.