(Closed) should I/we be insulted?

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1675 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Honestly, I don’t think it’s worth getting mad over. I would just move on and try to enjoy both your weddings 🙂

Post # 4
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I can see the oversight on the Dr/Miss thing. I’m currently wracking my brain to see if I did the same thing by accident!!! BUT being an ex-BM and not knowing your fiance’s name?! That’s not okay. She sounds like a bit of a space cadet to tell you the truth…

Post # 5
Member
1080 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I would be insulted but I would agree that you should move on and enjoy the weddings.

Post # 6
Member
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I would be more insulted about her ditching bridesmaid duties and then telling you that you may not be invited.

Post # 7
Member
553 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

If she is close enough to you to be asked to be in your wedding party, it is strange that she wouldn’t use your fiance’s name. She might have just not known it was such a huge faux pas. However, with the other things included . . . she seems to be pushing it with you.

I would just move past it and not let it ruin either of your weddings like greenapples said. AND be thankful she refused to be in your wedding. It sounds like she is either a little flakey or a little rude.

Post # 8
Member
3788 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I’d be insulted, too. I am not a PhD yet, but anyone who has earned it (or MD or any variation thereof that results in the D!!!) deserves to be called it. Granted, in social situations, it’s more flexible, but considering all the background, and the fact that she left your FI’s name off entirely, it just rubs me the wrong way. I would hope she isn’t being malicious or passive aggressive, but she is at least being insulting and spacy. That being said, I wouldn’t start a fight over it, especially not with all that has gone before! I might mention it in passing. Or write Dr. Name and FI Name on the reply card instead of M_______! 😉

Post # 9
Member
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Maybe it’s an etiquette thing? When my MIL was sending out rehearsal dinner invites, we had several BMs and GMs with significant others who were also invited to the dinner. My MIL wouldn’t put both names on the invite even though some were living together. She insisted on putting “and Guest” even though I gave her all the names. She said it wasn’t proper to address both people if they weren’t married… not that I really cared but hopefully your cousin was trying to be proper and not insulting!

Post # 10
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

@elaineathon: I think you MIL is wrong on that one.  You can certainly put unmarried couples on the same invite if they are living together, they just get separate lines.  So it would look like: (edit to say: I’m sure she had the best of intentions though!  It can be confusing sometimes, especially across generations)

Ms. Jane Doe

Mr. John Smith

123 fake street

City, State 12345

 

Technically, “And Guest” is never proper (you’re supposed to talk to the person and find out the name of who they want to bring, then either put that name on their invite or send that person their own invite), though it’s used a lot nowadays for people who you want to allow to bring someone, but you don’t particularly care who they bring.  So OP from that invitation, she was basically saying “MrsDoctor, you’re invited, and you can bring the mailman for all I care”.  I agree it’s insulting.

Post # 11
Member
3219 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I think its weird that she didnt put your FH’s name I dont know how she wouldnt no his name. but I never call dr’s dr. blank I dont use any titles ever I just think they are old fashioned.

Post # 12
Member
1161 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I’d be more insulted about the Dr. thing than the name thing….but not insulted enough to say anything…

Post # 13
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I pretty much had the same thing happen.

FI used to date a girl’s bestfriend and they live in the city we’re having our wedding in, so it felt really rude to not invite her, since they all remain friends. So, I went to the trouble of digging up this girl’s name and her fiance’s and addressing their invite appropriately. Then a month later, they send their wedding invite to my house addressed only to my fiance. Not even an ‘an guest.’ (Seriously… You can’t pretend I don’t exist, you just received our invitation with my name on it. Plus, you had to ask for my address, since it wasn’t on the invite. Some nerve.)

Then, a few weeks later FI’s cousin sends her wedding invite to my house and same deal… just to my fiance, not to me. I could understand if we’d only been dating a year, but we’ve been together for EIGHT years and we just recently sent you our invites. What is wrong with people?

My advice to you, blow it off. She’s younger than you and probably has not had enough friends go through the wedding process to really understand the etiquette involved. I’ll admit when my sister got married three years ago, I had NO clue about everything and how offensive some of the seemingly smallest things can be. My guess is that it’s not that she doesn’t know your FI’s name or anything it’s just that she probably blew through the guest list and wrote ‘and guest’ on everyone that was not immediate family. Do you think it’s possible they were just lazy?

Post # 14
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

get over it.

Post # 15
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

i agree with hergreenapples.. if your gonna go then just 4get abt whatever wrote on the invite.. its not important. if it really bothers you than just dont go to the wedding. but dont waste anymore time thinkin abt it. 

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