Post # 1
Hi bees !
So I am starting to plan my wedding and obviously one of the main considerations is the budget.
Throughout mine and FIs relationship FFIL has always jokingly said that my dad is in for an expensive time when me and my sisters get married (I’m one of 3 girls) as is the custom of the brides parents paying for the wedding.
FIs parents are quite well off financially and will be contributing towards their children’s (FI and his sister) deposits for their first houses. They are also paying for my FSILs wedding.
So are any of you bees in a similar situation ? Or are you a bride whos parents are paying for their wedding but not your brothers ?
I’m just worried that my parents aren’t going to be happy when they find out my FIs parents aren’t planning on contributing when its clear that they can afford to.
Advice appreciated 🙂 !
Post # 27
In my culture that’s definitely a thing that is essentially common knowledge but if the tables were turned and FI was the woman in the relationship, we wouldn’t be able to have a wedding since his parents are lower class. Personally I feel like the more well off family should help with the costs if they arent “supposed” to pay for the wedding.
Post # 3
@Ozzygirl17: This is a non-issue. Your parents haven’t expressed anything about this, so why worry about something that hasn’t/won’t happen?
Post # 4
I don’t think parents from either side are obligated to contribute to the wedding, but if they want to make demands, invite more guests than you’ve allowed, then they should definitely pay their own way.
Post # 5
@Ozzygirl17: are you and your fiance planning to pay for any of your wedding?
Your parents may feel some type of way about your FI’s parents not contributing since your parents plan to but it isn’t either of their responsibility to gift you a wedding.
Post # 6
@Ozzygirl17: Um, no. I think that tradition is dated. DH and I paid for our wedding. My parents a couldn’t afford to help us and I certainly didn’t expect it.
Post # 7
@Ozzygirl17: I think a lot of brides pay for their own weddings these days. We did and did not expect financial help from either side.
Post # 8
My dad is refusing to pay for my wedding, since he never wanted me to get married at all, since he regrets marriage himself and just wants me to focus on a successful career the rest of my life. Truthfully, with that attitude, I don’t want him to pay for it anyway. I am saving up for it myself, since FI already has done so much for me. My mom might help me out, but since she and my dad don’t get along, their finances are separate and she doesn’t have much to spend.
Post # 9
My parents are pretty traditional. They paid for probalby 95% of our wedding, but will only be paying for the rehearsal dinner and the alcohol at my brother’s wedding. That being said, my brother’s future in-laws are well off and I’m sure my parents would help out more if it was needed.
Post # 10
@CurlyCue: yes we will probably pay for the bulk of it as we can afford to but I definitley know my parents want to pay for at least part of it and would find it strange/ offensive if we were to refuse their financial contribution.
Post # 11
This is definitely something that I grappled with as well. I felt the same as you in that I thought it wasn’t fair that my parents were footing the bill when my husbands parents were perfectly capable of contributing. The fact of the matter is that it is traditional for the bride’s parents to pay, and many parents abide by those terms. In fact, I think sometimes the grooms parents don’t offer because they don’t want to overstep their boundaries. I stressed about this, but when it came down to it, it was a non-issue. My parents footed the majority of the bill. DH’s parents paid for alcohol and the rehearsal dinner. DH had many more guests than I did, and that miffed me at first, but again, it was stress that seems silly in hindsight. Also, DH’s parents gave us a VERY generous wedding gift, so really it evened out in the end. It also sounds like your FI’s parents are generous to him (like paying for a down payment on a mortgage), which will benefit you, and honestly will most likely be much more than the cost of the wedding! Moral of the story, don’t stress about who is paying for what, it all evens out in the end. Accept any contributions graciously and focus on the meaning of the wedding…getting married to the love of your life!
Post # 12
If someone wants to help you, that’s cool. If you feel comfortable asking someone for money, that’s cool, too. However, if they don’t want to or say no, it’s up to you and your FI to make it work. No one is obligated to pay for anything.
Post # 13
@Ozzygirl17: No one is required to contribute to throwing a wedding. Even if they can afford it.
Post # 14
I think modern expectations is that the couple pays unless one/both sets of parents offer some assistance and the couple wants to accept. My parents said from before I was even engaged that a wedding was not something they would be contributing to (fair enough, they have done enough) and we declined assistance from FIs parents as we earn more, it didn’t feel right to take their hard earned.
Post # 15
I feel like my thread title has confused my point, I don’t expect anyone to pay for my wedding , if neither mine nor FIs parents wanted to contribute then that’s absoloulty fine ! I just find it strange that simply due to the sex of your children , it would make a difference as to whether you contributed financially. I suppose I was mostly looking for bees in a similar situation !
@dzmeadowz thank you that makes a lot of sense 🙂