(Closed) should married men go out without wife?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
  • poll:
  • Post # 3
    Member
    432 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @Maria87: We don’t have kids yet but if we did I’d be fine with him going out and leaving me to look after the kids, and he’d be fine looking after them if i wanted to go out.

    I’d only be upset if he refused to watch the kids if i wanted to go out or if we we’re going out and at the last minute he took a friend.

    The poll options didn’t work just so you know 🙂

    Post # 4
    Member
    3344 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    We don’t have kids.  If hubs wants to go out with friends, I won’t stop him.  If he made plans with me and then told me that his buddy was going to go instead of me, I’d probably be pissed.

    Post # 5
    Member
    2373 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2008

    We don’t have kids, but I can relate to how you feel.

    If it was something that was planned ahead of time- it wouldn’t bother me. The selfishness behind, “Hey- want to come with me to a movie?” and then when you can’t find a sitter he goes without you.. well, it would rub me the wrong way.

    Post # 6
    Member
    187 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    We dont have kids yet but i would be ok with it.

     

    Post # 7
    Member
    5993 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2010

    we dont have kids and although i got married so i dont have to do things on my own (ha ha) i dont stop him from doing things alone if he wants to

    but…. if we had children i would need my own alone time – so i would expect him to be home with the kids while i go out to see movies. shopping or whatever i wanted to do

    goodluck with finding a sitter nex time – i think its important that you have couple time without children

    Post # 8
    Member
    594 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    Absolutely. I think  its healthy for a man to have male relationships and bonding. As long as he isn’t hanging out with the single crowd, and the friends that he spends time with aren’t single or whoremongers, everything should be fine.  When we first  got together  my FI use to be so  jealous when I went places without him… then the script flipped and I’d find myself calling and being bothered I wasn’t with him. Now we’ve found a medium. I encourage him to build social relationships with his friends without me having to be there and me with my friends without him. Normally once a week seems fair, as long as it isn’t on our date night or  cutting into  ourquality  time, and as long as they are not doing things worth causing worry (strip clubs…etc.).

     

    But a man always going somewhere without you is unacceptable, sends out red flags, and should be questioned. But from  what I read, he isn’t that way. Just slap a big YOU OWE me on his forehead, so that the next time you want to see a movie, he stays home and watches the baby , and you go with your girls.

    Post # 9
    Member
    158 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    I would be ok with him going but if I wanted to go see the movie really bad (Pirates of the Caribbean) then I would tell him the next day he ought to stay his butt at home while I go see it in 3D.

    Post # 10
    Member
    2459 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    I think there are two seperate issues here, 

    I have no issue with my DH going out without me.

    I would have an issue if we had plans and he chose to ditch me, that was quite selfish what your husband did. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    1351 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    You had plans together and since you couldn’t find a sitter he ditched you leaving you to watch the kids. Yeah, I’d be pissed. Make him stay home and go see the movie in 3D!

    Post # 12
    Member
    4415 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    I would not have a problem with it as long as he recipocated. 

    In your situation, it would have been nice if he had offered to take care of the kids and let you go to the movie since he wanted to take you out… 

    Did he go see a movie you wanted to see? 

    Post # 13
    Member
    55 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    @Maria87: We both go out alone with our friends from time to time. I don’t see any problem with that. But if it’s always him that goes out and never you, then I would definitely react.

    Post # 14
    Member
    7301 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    My husband is going to the new Xmen movie today without me.  And I am going out Tuesday night without him.  We take turns watching our daughter.  It is healhty to have time without your partner.

    Post # 15
    Member
    6572 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 2010

    I think that situation is kind of sucky, since you guys decided to go to a movie and then you ended up being the one to stay home while he went out and had fun. But in general, I think it’s fine for my hubby to go out without me. When the baby comes I’m sure I’ll want to get out occasionally and hang out with my girl friends, and I’m sure he’ll want to do the same and hang out with his friends.

    Post # 16
    Member
    42 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    It’s funny to me to read the posts saying “I don’t have children but it would be fine by me…” – I’ll be waiting for those edit posts when there is children and the guy did the same thing to you – we’ll see how “ok” you are with it then…

     

    I do not think that you are over reacting at all – you both planned on seeing a movie together, well he asked you to go see a movie.  Since you didn’t have a babysitter, it seems as you have been “replaced” with the friends and that’s not fair for you to have to stay behind when you both have a huge responsibility at home and that’s the kids.  It’s just a common, courtsey rule to me – if one can’t go then you both don’t go.  And a real man would never leave his wife at home alone with children – if he wants that “man” time with his friends, he would have at least made sure you had a girlfriend coming over. That’s what FI does for me – he thinks it’s wrong for a woman to be left in the house by herself.

     

    Good luck on everything and hopefully you’ll be able to sit down with him and really let him know how you felt about being left behind.

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