Post # 1
My great- Grandmother is very ill and I think I’ll be needing to go home soon. I told my fiance and he said that he didnt feel he needed to go to a funeral for someone he had never met. He thinks it would be disrespectful to my family. We live together and he knows most of my family. I feel that he should go and it would be disrespectful for him not to. I told him that I feel the reason to get married is to support each other when we need it. Am i being overbearing? Should I just let it go, or should I tell him he needs to attend with me? I don’t want to be forceful. Please help.
Post # 3
@AmandaLP: No, not at all. He should definitely go with you. I have been to many wakes or funerals for people I have not met. It is about being there for the person that is close to them. If he has gone to anyone else’s funeral (friends mom, dad, grandparent, etc), remind him of that. GOod luck!
Post # 4
@AmandaLP: it seems to be important to you so I don’t think it makes you forceful. I’d be upset if my Fiance didn’t support me when I outright asked him to.
Post # 5
Yes he should go. He’s going to support you. It has little to do with the fact he’s never met the deceased, imo.
Post # 6
@AmandaLP: I don’t think it would be disrespectful to your family for him go, but I don’t think it would be disrespectful for him not to go either. Now if you want him to be there, he should go based on that. But really I don’t think you have to worry about how it appears to your family at all, you are fine either way on that.
Post # 7
The reason of going to a funeral is to support the family and loved ones. He should definitely go with you. He may just feel awkward about going to funerals but talk about it with him and tell him why it is important to you.
Post # 8
I personally had 3 family deaths while we were engaged (my grandparents on my moms side and my great aunt) All of the funerals were in Indiana and we live in Florida so it was far to travel. I went by myself to all 3, with my family of course. My DH had met them all but it made more sense for him to stay home. He would have gone to support me if I really wanted but he was not all that comfortable with it so it was ok. And he has a job that he would have needed more time to get time off to be able to go since it was not his family so it just didnt work out. So for me of course I wanted him there but it was ok with out him there.
Post # 8
He should definitely go. It doesn’t matter that he didn’t know your grandmother he should be there to support you. And in no way is it showing disrespect for your family.
Post # 9
Your Fiance should definitely go with you. I wouldn’t let it go. :/
Post # 10
If you want him to go and he can get the time off from work. Yes he should go. It’s not some random strangers funeral. It is a member of your family. He may not know the deceased, but he knows many of your family members. He should go to support you in your time of grieving.
Post # 11
Of course, if he is able, he should go. Absolutely
Post # 12
I suppose I’m in the minority here, but I see his side. My grandma died in August. My SO had never (sadly) met her and felt really weird about going to the funeral. I think he would have gone if I had really pushed it, but I decided not to. In the end, my sister ended up leaving her Fiance at home as well so that she and I could support one another. In my family, it was really special to us for it to be just us, without any significant others who didn’t know her well.
That being said… if it is really important to you and he is able to take the time off of work, he should do it for you. But I understand why he feels uncomfortable.
Post # 13
I going to have to semi-disagree with the PPs. I think it is situational dependent.
Darling Husband and I were long distance for a good chunk of the time we were engaged (I was in CA, he was in GA). My grandmother passed away while we were engaged and the funeral was mid-week back home in IN. Obviously I went home for it but I absolutely did NOT expect Darling Husband (FI at the time) to take off multiple days of work and buy a last minute plane ticket to IN. I could get plenty of support from my parents, siblings, etc and get his support via phone.
But if it is all local (no last minute plane tickets and such required), I do agree that he should be there with you.
Post # 14
@Mrs.KMM: You said everything I was going to.
It really depends. I think these types of situations are not cut and dry. I won’t reiterate what PP’s said, but bottom line, the reason to go/not go shouldn’t be based on if it’s disrespectful to your family.
If you funeral crash to someone you don’t know’s funeral, that would be disrespectful. However, going with someone who has a connection to the deceased, that’s not disrespectful in the least. If anything, I think him coming to show support for his future family would be more respectful than not showing up.
Post # 15
He absolutely should go with you. He is your future husband, your biggest supporter. He should be there for you. My Fiance came with me to my grandfather’s funeral and he had never met him. But, just knowing he was there was a comfort to me. He didn’t think he should go either but after I explained that I just wanted him as a support, he went.