Post # 1
My general feeling is that you shouldn’t invite anyone expecting anything in return.
But that said, I don’t want to be the rude or cheap one when I go to someone else’s wedding!
And, I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t notice a couple of things at my wedding: We kept our guest list pretty small as it was a Destination Wedding, involved two dinners w/ drinks, and was fairly formal. Nearly all of the guests were single or w/ their partner, but don’t have kids. One family of 5 came (two in college and 1 HS…i.e. full price for us). I noticed that their gift seemed really generous (about double what most couples gave) and figured that they were trying to cover the added expense of having a large family. I have to admit that while I didn’t expect the extra generosity of the family of 5, I was bugged to not see more from the two people who brought uninvited +1’s.
So…do you give more when you have a date? If you’re bringing your kids too (and they’re old enough to affect your hosts’ tab), do you give more?
Post # 3
Ok for me there is 2 parts to this. First it does not matter what my financial situation is or if I’m married w/kids or not; I give what I can give within our budget and depending on how close I am to the couple. Now, I’ve been to a couple Destination Wedding and I will say I scaled back on the gift bc there are travel expenses involved with Destination Wedding. I couldn’t do it all; airfare, hotel, food, attire and an expensive gift. However my friends were extremely gracious with whatever anyone gave them so it wasn’t an issue.
Post # 4
Okay so I might be totally wrong in doing this, but I usually give the same value of gift whether I go alone or with Fiance. I think it’s because it’s what I can afford and we’re both paying for it anyways…
Post # 5
I gift based on what I can afford and how well I know the couple.
Post # 6
If I were invited without a guest, I’d give a certain amount.
If I were invited and my Fiance were invited as well, I’d give a bit more whether Fiance actually goes or not.
If Fiance and I, and our hypothetical children were invited also, I’d give even a little more.
All of this also varies with how close I am to the couple and if it were a Destination Wedding I probably couldn’t give as much as I normally would.
Post # 7
When my kids were younger and came with us to a wedding (in those days,all were local), we always gave more when they were with us. So yes, I’d expect that most people would also feel the same.
My sister is STILL anoyed at her BIL & SIL who came to her daughter’s wedding and gave $50. from 6 of them! (that was 8 years ago.) People never forget!
Post # 8
I was always told to give a gift equivalent to what they are paying for you to attend.
Post # 9
I usually guage my gift based roughly on what my plate is costing the couple, within the limits of my budget. I know this is a cultural thing and I don’t expect all of our guests to do this. I would be annoyed if they tacked on uninvited +1s and gave a really small gift or didn’t bring a gift at all. I’d feel taken advantage of then.
It goes sort of like this – I have an ammount in mind that I would want to give the couple as a minimum based on my relationship with them and the fact that it’s a wedding. I check this amount against the cost of the average/reasonable plate at their reception site and adjust up (still staying within my budget) if the reception place is fancier and I know dinner there would cost a little more. I also adjust up if I’m bringing a date, becauase then it’s two dinners. I give 1.5-2x (depending on what I can afford) for two. I don’t adjust down for any reason – having a backyard wedding is not a reason to get a smaller gift from me.
Post # 10
Sorry to say this…but if it’s a Destination Wedding and I’m paying alot extra for travel, I’ll generally give a smaller gift.
Post # 11
I don’t give according to how many people I’m bringing (which is usually my husband and I). We give the same monetary amount for any wedding. We usually don’t give cash/checks but a gift that is around the same amount each time. It more has to do with what we can afford than what the “etiquette” is for a wedding gift. I think etiquette tells us to give more than $25 worth of gifts… but we can’t afford that, so sorry.
Post # 12
If I’m attending the wedding, I give based on the number of people in my patarty. I give less when I go on my own compared to when Darling Husband comes with me. My mom always told me about $100/person so that is my basic guideline. If I’m close to the couple I’ll up that figure.
That being said, I had a Destination Wedding and we let it be known that we didn’t want people attending to give us wedding gifts. We told them that their presence was a good enough gift. I felt too bad having them pay for an expensive trip and have to give a gift on top of that.
Post # 13
The two are completely unrelated. Spend what you want and are able to without going broke (or unable to pay other living expenses), based on how close you are to the couple. Other factors are absolutely irrelevant.