- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
I'm just wondering what the rule of thumb for out-of-town guests and gifts is. I've heard that it's okay for out of town guests not to gift. Is this true?
I have actually read somewhere that giving a gift when you are invited to a wedding is totally optional, etiquette-wise.
I think it's just more optional for out of town guests. The bride and groom realize those guests had to spend more time and money just to be there. Depending on who it was, though, I might still feel stiffed (i.e. the OOT wealthy grandparents versus the OOT grad student) but I wouldn't ever say anything about it to them.
I've had to travel (usually fly) and stay in a hotel for almost every wedding I have ever been to. Despite being a poor grad student, I have ALWAYS given a gift, even if it was stuff from the bottom of the registry.
By the same token, I don't care if no one gives us a gift for our wedding. The fact that people we love will be travelling to celebrate our day with us is enough for us.
Actually nobody SHOULD bring a gift. Everyone is allowed to make their own decision about whether or not they do so.
You SHOULD say please and thank you and cover your mouth when you cough, but everyone is allowed to make his or her own decision on that one too. It's etiquette, not law.
giving a gift is a nice gesture there is no should or shouldnt rule; it's a symbol of celebration
dress4.jpg (43.6 KB, 56 downloads) 1 year old dress8.jpg (46 KB, 32 downloads) 1 year old 
i think everyone should give a gift... i mean how hard is it to spend 5 bucks on maybe a veggie peeler? and another few bucks on a card and wrapping it in something.
It's not about the cost it's about the gift giving itself, just to show thanks to the couple that invited them to the wedding. Which probably cost a ton of money.
i feel some people are just lazy... sheesh.
romona_keveza_rk931_fshm.jpg (11.7 KB, 66 downloads) 1 year old rk931.jpg (4.6 KB, 50 downloads) 1 year old 
I still give gifts when I travel far for a wedding. I've never even considered NOT giving a gift. That's just me though
We traveled to London & St. Croix within the past year for FH's cousins wedding & his close friends wedding (which were having three in the US celebrations thereafter, but we went to the destination one) and we didnt buy a gift.
I dont mind if our out of town guests dont give us a gift - there gift & expense is getting to our wedding & I totally understand that.
Seriously, the London wedding cost us $4,000 - We went to get them a gift in the store in London they registered in & the registry company had gone bankrupt so we could only give them a gift card - which we thought was lame, since they lived in Japan.
We're having a wedding in Cali and a lot of our guests are traveling from Arkansas (where we live) to be with us on our big day. On our wedding web site we included a statement asking people who are traveling not to bring gifts -their presence is enough. We put it in a less tacky way but the same basic point came across. For one, we would have a lot of trouble getting presents home to Arkansas after a week spent on our honeymoon. Secondly, I would feel terrible for our guests to spends hundreds in room and flight and then still feel the need to buy me a blender.
Guests are nice but not necessary. If you're old enough to get married you're probably old enough to set up your own home you know?
That's just my opinion. My fiance and I have been living together for 2 years so we've accumulated a lot of home stuff together so we don't really need anything. I guess that's why my take on it is a bit different.
I had a destination wedding, so all my guests were OOT (and all of them had to spend a substantial amount to get to Grand Cayman!) and I certainly didn't expect a gift from ANYONE. But as a guest, I always give a gift no matter what (unless I am in the wedding party and I've already spent an insane amount of money hosting showers, etc.). Everyone's idea of what is proper differs, so I always take the "safe route" and give a gift.
At risk of going against popular consensus, I think that OOT guests should def give a gift, even if it's inexpensive. The fact that they have decided to commit $ to travel & accomidations means they should also have figured in an amount for a gift, be it 10 dollars or 100 dollars. I would never think of traveling to anyone's wedding sans gift. I feel like it's part of the expense that you incur when you decide to attend a wedding.
I couldn't see myself going to any wedding, in or out of town, empty handed. With that said, if someone was in a situation where they wanted to attend a wedding and it really stretched their budget, so they felt like they couldn't swing a gift, I would at least try to bring a nice card, or something else small, and inexpensive, or personal (even if it wasn't on the registry.) Maybe find something practical at Big Lots or something. I'd like to use the words "heartfelt" and "thoughtful"... but if those must go out the window, at least try to do something to save face.
I'm from the South and even if I travel to a wedding I think it's in poor taste not to give a gift. I am also an event designer in the south and I know that A LOT of people no longer bring gifts. Well they don't bring gifts and RSVP and not show up. I agree with the pp a 5.00 veggie peeler is still a gift.
As a guest I would never attend a wedding without a gift. As a host, I think it relflects badly on a guest if they don't bring a gift, regardless of what the old 'rules' say. You don't have to buy the most expensive item on the registry if you are unable to financially, just a token of the celebration and a card.
I would never attend a wedding and not give a gift. I feel like my commitment to either attend a wedding or be a BM in a wedding is inclusive of everything that comes along with that, be it airfare, lodging, dress, shower/party expenses AND gift. That being said, given the amount of money it costs to attend or be in an OOT wedding, the price of the gift I chose to give would reflect the amount I've already spent on other things. I think it's the principle of the gift-giving, not the price of the gift given, that counts.
I got married a month ago and we had many out-of-town-guests, most of them good friends of mine who didn't give us a gift and some not even a card. I'll be honest and say I was surprised and a little sad. (not about the gift itselt but the gesture) But then I thought about it and realized that they had to travel internationally and make a lot of arrangements to attend our wedding. So we consider all their effort to come to NY as our wedding gift. I sent them thank you notes for making the trip to share our special day!
If I were a guest, I would still bring a gift to an out of town wedding.
That being said, I am secretly hoping one of my friends does not give us a gift. He is travelling with his wife and child on a plane, and staying at least 2-3 nights in a hotel. He is spending a ton of money to be here for us. I am not sure the proper way to say "don't spend money on a gift."
I'm a little biased to answer this question because I feel like the whole process of gifting for weddings has gotten out of hand. I'm personally not going to have a shower and we're doing a limited registry only out of convenience for our guests. I don't think a gift should be required for any wedding, especially one you are traveling for.
I don't think a gift is required for out of town guests, but I would still expect a card or something (even though I know there will still be people who don't even do that.) Yeah, I think if you can't even afford/bother to buy or even make a card that is lazy.
i think that if you are looking for a way to get out of spending a few extra dollars, you aren't thinking about the gift in the right way. a gift is something you give to someone to celebrate their union, birthday, baptism, whatever, not something you provide to show how much money you can spend on a fabulous 8-slice toaster-slash-margarita machine.
if money is the issue (bc youre already spending on the flight, hotel, etc), give something small but meaningful and a lovely card - the veggie peeler someone mentioned. i think there are few couples out there who look at their wedding as a "think of all the cool stuff were gonna get" occassion and much prefer your presence, so a token gift and thoughtful card is going to be appreciated just as much as that fancy schmancy margarita toaster.
the bottomline is, it's nice to give a gift, it's nice to get a gift, and it doesn't have to be expensive, so why not?!
YES! No one NO ONE with sense comes to a wedding without a gift. if u cannot come stay home! weddings are expensive ALLLLL around
Even if I traveled really far to a wedding (which would mean I'd have to be super close to the couple), I couldn't not give a gift. I simply couldn't! Even if it was inexpensive or homemade (like a nice blanket or something), I couldn't show up and not give a gift.
Most people give gifts...when I was doing my thank you cards, there was only one person who came to our wedding who didn't give us a gift. And it was TOTALLY ok. I understand why (he's completely broke, in school, etc) so take that into consideration. I would rather have had him come and NOT bring a gift than stay home and mail me one 
.
A card I think is appropriate no matter what.
studiofinchcollage.jpg (1204 KB, 35 downloads) 1 year old 
No one SHOULD give a gift. Period.
Any gift giving is up to the individual.
I've always given a gift for OOT weddings.
I would still give a gift whether I was out of town or not but thats just me.
I always give a gift whether I'm traveling or not, but I understand if some of my family who will be traveling can't afford a gift. Especially in today's economy, the flight plus the hotel plus the possibly new clothes to wear to the wedding- it's a lot of ask of someone. Having their presence there will be good enough for me.
I wouldn't impose a "should" on other people, but I think about what kind of gift to get based on my overall financial situation, not on how much I spent getting to the particular event.
However, as a bride who is hosting a wedding where 90% of the guests are OOT (seriously), and spending money on it that I would otherwise be using to set up a home, I hope some or most of them choose to bring gifts... I need pots and pans! and sheets!
I know giving a gift is supposed to be optional and all, and maybe "etiquette" dictates that it is, but I don't think it is optional at all. I think if you attend a wedding, and eat the hosts' food, you are supposed to bring a gift. Even if you're traveling to the wedding. Even if it's a small gift. Do people even show up to friends' houses empty-handed? Maybe, but that's rude, too!
I've never heard of OOT not giving gifts. We had a few OOT folks at our wedding and they either sent a gift before the wedding or gave us a check. I've always brought a gift to all weddings I've attended, OOT or at home.
I've always given gifts on OOT weddings I've attended, it just might be a tad more wallet-friendly once I consider hotel & travel costs.
I don't know. I think it's understandable when OOT guests don't give gifts. My boyfriend and I are going to a wedding in a few weeks 8 hours away from our home. It is his cousin's wedding and he's one of the groomsmen. Not only are we paying travel expenses, the tux rental, but the marrying couple reserved a block of rooms in a relatively expensive hotel (over $100 per night, for 3 nights). We inquired about staying elsewhere and were told that this was very rude to even consider. Because of the family's religion, he and I will have to sleep in separate rooms... He is not very interested in giving a gift since this trip will be very expensive for us already. We will still buy a card, but I hope the couple understands that our gift is the one of attendance, not cash or blenders.
I've never NOT given a gift. I can't imagine not giving one. Even when I've been to weddings where I don't know the people well we get gifts.
There shouldn't be a rule--bring a gift if you can afford it, or don't. If you've had to spend $800 to get there and can't afford a gift, then fine. I've brought a gift for every OOT wedding I've been to, but if I had to choose between attending and not in order to buy a gift I would not buy a gift. I think the whole purpose of a wedding is to celebrate the begining of a marriage with the people you love and hold dear. It's not about presents. And while I think you should bring a card, I disagree that a veggie peeler is a meaningful gift. I suppose to each his own.
Crap. You girls are making me nervous! On our website we did the your presence is present enough, but if you would like to give a gift check out these two charities and for the old fashioned types, check out wishpot thing. Our wishpot registry has 65 items on it although a couple are things that you can't really just buy like a downpayment and our guest list is about 200. Am I completely underestimating things and going to get swamped? I haven't even thought about making accomodations for any gifts that we might receive! I was counting on people just giving us a card for the most part! Am I way off base?
i don't think gifts are ever expected - out of town or in town. it's a nice gesture but not to be expected at all.
I am having an out-of-town wedding, and won't be the teeniest bit upset if people don't bring a gift, I understand that travel is expensive. That being said, I would not go to a wedding without bringing one.
As a guest at a wedding, no matter what distance you travel to be there, you should always give a gift. No, you do not have to, but you should. Kind of like you don't have to brush your teeth, but you really should...Anyway, I think that when people have chosen to include you in their day, are hosting you for drinks and meal, that the least you can do is express your gratitude with a gift.
the only time i have not given a gift for an oot wedding was when we were flying to las vegas. but the reason is the reception was back in WI after and that's when you give gifts, at the reception right? everyone did the same. but if i'm going to ANY wedding i'm never empty-handed. it may just be a check for $10 for the bride and groom because that's all i can afford, but i always have a gift!
I would always give at least some type of gift even if its only a nice card with cash. But I love giving gifts so thats just me. And i don't see myself leaving the country for a wedding either which helps!
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| Gemstone | 19 |
| Rojocameo | 16 |
| Rivendeler | 15 |
| kat2014 | 13 |
| fivemonthsnotice | 12 |
| couawilou | 11 |
| bookworm88 | 10 |
| aussiebee | 9 |
| lionskitty | 9 |
| Suikerbossie | 9 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| mainejen | 3 |
| eagle | 2 |
| UmbrellaMoon | 2 |
| Lovebug12 | 2 |
| Miss Godiva | 1 |
| candykiss | 1 |
| mrsjjohnson2b | 1 |
| Spoonie | 1 |
| beargoose | 1 |
| ladyartichoke | 1 |
