Post # 1
Geez I seem to be having a lot of cake drama recently! This time it’s not about my cake, though. I’m having an etiquette dilemma and some advice would be really great.
I’m BM in a friend’s upcoming wedding and Saturday was her bridal shower, which was thrown by the bridal party. The bride is in a tight financal situation right now and she had to sacrifice a lot of things she wanted in her wedding, including a cake from this really good bakery that she desperately wanted. For her shower we decided that we’d spoil her and got the bride a mini-version of the cake from the bakery. It was pretty expensive but we split the cost and individually payed $15 which wasn’t too bad.
All of the BMs were super excited about this surprise and we were so sure the bride would love it. Until the uninvited toddler of a guest ripped a huge chunk out of the cake which made it fall from the table. The top two teirs were completely smashed and the bottom was ruined.
The mom of this toddler tried to laugh it off while we attempted to fix the cake, which couldn’t really be done. When we showed the bride the cake she was visibly upset. She tried to pretend like it was all fine but it was pretty obvious that she was disappointed.
I’m so mad because the mom didn’t even offer to pay for the damage or anything. I know her pretty well and her spoiled child does stuff like this all of the time without any consequences for either of them.
Should one of us phone her and ask her for the money? She’s in kind of a tight financial situation herself because she’s expecting her second child. However I have kids myself and believe in a ‘you break it you buy it’ policy where your children are concerned and this might be a useful lesson for her. None of us are really sure what to do. Help?
Post # 3
It would have been polite for her to offer to reimburse you for the cake.
It would not be polite for you to ask her to do so.
Post # 4
That sucks. But things happen, accidents happen, children will be children. Let it go and cut your loses. It’s done and over with. Move on. It was food, not a precious piece of glass.
Post # 5
Wow. If one of my children had done that, I’d have left to replace the cake as best as I could immediately AND offer to compensate for it. The fact that she laughed it off is despicable.
You can say something to her, but she obviously doesn’t care to take responsibility for her child, so I doubt she’s going to do anything.
Post # 6
@Carlasgettingmarried: Kids do things like this. It’s a real shame that she didn’t leave the little one at home, and I would be upset.
However, I don’t think that makes it right to call her and ask for the money. That is equally appalling to me.
Post # 7
Accidents happen. You can’t ask for the money.
Post # 8
@rickhurst35: I’m mad at the toddler, though. I’m mad at her mom for not offering to pay for something her daughter broke or even aplolgising. I would have accepted an ‘I’m so sorry!’ but she just tried to laugh about it and then left the room.
Post # 9
- Wedding: August 2012 - Motor museum
She was probably embarrassed. I know it is wrong ur these things happen, let it go.
Post # 10
@Carlasgettingmarried: What do you want to do, vent to the mother and demand an apology? Sorry, but some people can be rude. Just let it go, get over it and move on. Don’t get frustrated and upset over some other adults stupidity and rudeness.
Post # 11
- Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island
Yeah, I agree with the other posters. It sucks that this happened, but if it really was an expensive cake, I don’t see how you can ask her to pay for it. Well you can, but she can also say no. If it were something other than food, I’d probably feel differently about it.
I don’t know all your financial situations, but $15 is not much money to me. Can you all pitch in for a new cake and present it to her when there’s not a child around to ruin it? Maybe at the bachelorette party?
Post # 12
She should have offered, but I really don’t know how you would go about asking for reimbursment.
Post # 13
I totally agree with you that it is not acceptable. Do accidents happen? Yes. But is a child likely to smash himself into a cake at a party if his mother is keeping a responsible eye on him? No. When a child is at an adult event he or she should be closely monitored by an adult, not allowed to roam and run wherever. The child should be learning not to touch things without permission, but at the very least a parent should make sure their child is keeping their hands to themselves and not touching food (like the kid who touches every cookie before choosing one). I don’t think you should call and ask for money but it definitely would have been polite for that mother to offer compensation, or at the very least an apology.
Post # 14
The toddler shouldn’t have been there in the first place BUT you can’t ask her for the money. It would be polite of her to offer it but if she doesn’t that’s on her.
Post # 15
OMG this makes me so mad.
How close are you with this woman?
Post # 16
@Carlasgettingmarried: You’re right. It’s horrible that she didnt keep control of her child. It’s horrible that she laughed it off and didn’t apologize. It’s pretty annoying that she didn’t offer to pay for the damage. And it really REALLY sucks that your awesome surprise was ruined.
All that said, two wrongs don’t make a right. You can’t call and demand an apology. She is a selfish, irresponsible person. There’s not much you can do about that other than stop inviting her and her crazy child to parties.