- 7 years ago
- Wedding: May 2012
Ladies, I’m having a bit of trouble with this one.
I have a friend that I’ve known ever since junior high (I’ll call her Jane). Jane and I have been good friends for quite a long time now (15+ years). I was in Jane’s wedding about two years ago. We always talked about how Jane, Melissa (another mutual friend), and I would be in each other’s weddings.
Well, Melissa was in Jane’s wedding, and pretty much complained about EVERYTHING. Jane was really regretting having her in the wedding party. I haven’t talked to Melissa at all, I’ve pretty much cut her out of my life (Melissa had always been on the annoying side, so I cut my losses with that one).
I haven’t seen Jane ever since her wedding nearly two years ago. She moved 100 miles away. Her family still lives here and she comes down to visit often. I have tried suggesting times to go to dinner or get lunch, and she never takes me up on the offer. I’ve tried texting her and leaving messages on Facebook (which she is on all the time).
I did call her to tell her that I was engaged, and she was really happy for me. She kind of paused after I gave her the good news, like she was waiting for me to ask her. I said that I wasn’t going to officially ask until it got closer, but she would be in it. Okay, that last choice of words was totally my fault, but I felt pressured.
It’s been a few months now, and she hasn’t asked about plans, hasn’t responded to my messages to get together. I’m officially asking my bridesmaids over the summer. I kind of don’t want to ask Jane anymore, because I feel like she’s not putting forth effort to meet up with me. I feel like it would totally be out of obligation, plus my FI is having trouble coming up with a 5th person. However, Jane is really sensitive, and I don’t want to hurt her feelings. Plus, I did say that I would ask. I still consider her a friend, one that I would definitely invite to the wedding. I wouldn’t invite her without asking her to be a BM, that wouldn’t be cool.
Any advice? I don’t want to be an “indian giver” of the BM role, but it just feels awkward now.