Post # 1
So I have been trying to be very accomodating to the needs of the grooms family, at this point we are still trying to hammer out a guest list. I had asked for one almost two months ago without hearing back, and sent out another reminder and now have a list from grooms dad and stepmom, their list alone is 31 people, we were only looking for 80 total, so then accounting for his mothers side of the family and my family I am definitely looking at exceeding that. One of the things I am most concerned about is what to do about his younger brother and sister. My sister will be 18 and I had no intention of having her bring a guest, she will be the MOH but will be attending alone and assisting with the wedding as we are on a low budget and will be doing a lot ourselves. The groom has a brother who would be 19 and a sister who will be 15 or 16 at the time of the wedding… My FMIL put on our list for his little sister and little brothers SO… my mother agrees with me that ultimately that will have to cross the bridge when it gets closer… I doubt either of the SO’s parents will send a gift, and honestly these are young relationships! There is a LOT that can happen in a year from now that I am honestly amazed they are on the list as it is. I feel that if I am not permitting my own siblings to have a plus one I shouldnt have to do it for his sibs either. I think the whole, living together, engaged, married or SERIOUS relationship would have their SO without question, but should I be more accomodating to these teens? And in denying his parents how can I tactfully word that?
Post # 3
I would give them plus ones. They are your husband’s siblngs…I am giving my sister 3 plus ones for the reception (just the reception) since I know one will be her “boyfriend” and the other two I have known, (and have been supportive of me) for at least 5 years. sister is 21. will be 22 when walk down the isle. I know that isn’t a teen but you know what I mean. You want to be WELCOMED into the family. give the teens a friend to hang with. They wont be teenagers forever, but they will be your family forever and they may appriciate the guesture in the long run. So if it doesn’t effect your bottom line (budget wise) then invite them. You wouldn’t want to be penny-wise and pound-foolish
Post # 4
@pandaroo: I would just explain that you are on a very tight budget. That you’re already exceeding how many people you wanted to have and that you weren’t planning on giving a plus one to anyone who wasn’t in a serious relationship. Granted I’m marrying the same guy I started dating at 15… but I wouldn’t have ever thought that when I was that young.lol
Post # 5
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
I can see it both ways:
1) Why should you have to pay for some random teenage b/f or g/f of the month to attend your wedding?
2) Do you really want a couple of bored teenagers at your wedding without someone to entertain them?
I don’t know that this is a mountain I would be willing to die on but it would depend on what my FH’s opinion was (is he strongly for or against it?) You would need him completely on board with you to say no. The way to approach it with him is to discuss that you drew the line and did not allow you siblings to bring SOs (this will only be a good argument if they are old enough to actually have SOs; if they’re 8 this is a moot argument.)
If you cannot cut at siblings then cut somewhere else on their list; I know it’s difficult when you are already at such a low number but if they insist on the SO’s, maybe cousin B who you haven’t met and your FH hasn’t seen since they were kids can be axed.
P.S. Get the fact that you think they will not send a gift because there will be more guests than you think that do not send you a gift.
Post # 6
No way I’d let teens get a +1 if I were trying to keep to a small wedding. I’d just tell them that sorry, we would like to keep the guest list to close friends and family only and the budget cannot accomodate more than x number of people, and we regret that we will not be able to invite so and so teens SOs.
Post # 7
I would definitely not give them plus ones if you don’t have room on the guest list or in the budget. I am fully in the camp that teenagers do not need to be treated like mini-adults.
Post # 8
@pandaroo: I’m giving my own teen brothers a plus 1, but only because they would have more fun with dates. If it’s family, honestly, I think you should give them the option over 16. So no plus 1 for the 15 And 16. Tell your FMIL that you are not Giving them a plus 1. Be honest and tell her you are being very accomodating but a 15/16 yr old does not need a date to a wedding.. I went with family so I never needed one.
Post # 9
@pandaroo: Thats a tricky situation. I agree with PP and say give them the plus one. I had a similar situation w mine. My Sis is 16 no bf or guest . My brother is 15 no gf or guest His best man brother is 19 no gf or guest His sister is 21 and doesnt have a bf but wanted to bring a “date”. I said sure even though we were already over our guest list by quite a few. As it turns out the “date” isnt coming afterall and its just her which is fine w us cause she is in the ceremony anyway and will be too busy to entertain a guy who doesnt know anyone.
Post # 10
Honestly, I see where you’re coming from on the young relationships thing. However because its your brother and sisters, I would almost feel more obligated to allow them to bring a guest… Because they are your immediate family. However for cousins and more late relatives I would not feel so obligated to allow them a plus one.
I have a bridesmaid who just assumed she would be allowed to bring a date. Which, I’m fine with. But she said to me like “I can’t wait to be all dolled up and sexy for my hot date” and we havent even talked about anything along the lines of our guest list and limitations, but she knows we don’t have a blank check just sitting in our pockets so it was the way she worded it I was like uhm excuse me what. HA.
But yes, I honestly feel if I had younger siblings that age I’d say that’s fine bring your date. The thing is you don’t need your numbers in until a lot closer to the wedding… so if they break up before then for some reason, then you still can cross them off and not pay for them.
Post # 11
I’d totally give them a +1 if it won’t dramatically affect your day or your budget. It’ll go a long way to making them and your future family happy, and what harm does it cause? Especially if they do happen to be with the same SO’s by your wedding day, that’s pretty long term.
Post # 12
No they don’t need a plus 1.
They are young and also they will know people and each other not like there is one teenager and everyone else is 80.
Just tell your FMIL nicely that they wont get a plus 1 – you have to draw the line somewhere especially if it is a small wedding
Post # 13
If you can afford it, I would just let them have a plus one. I remember how awkward it was back then to attend formal events and not have anyone to talk to or hang out with. I would’ve really appreciated it if someone allowed me to bring a friend.
That being said, if you really are on a super tight budget and every dollar counts, then no, they don’t technically need one and I don’t think anyone out there would say it’s required or expected. It’s just something nice to offer if you can accomodate.
Post # 14
I attended a few family weddings with my parents as a teenager. I never would have dreamed to invite a friend or whatever….
Post # 15
it’s not the same to give them a random plus 1 to take a friend or something, or to give them a plus one to allow them to invite their bf/gf. if they’re still in relationships, i’d invite the so
Post # 16
Honestly this is giving me hives. I have a bunch of <21 cousins who I never even considered inviting to my “hypothetical” wedding, but now that it’s closer I realize I’ll have to deal with it. I would say “serious” relationships only.. but you know teens. I have at least two cousins who have on again/off again relationships with REALLY annoying people. When they’re together they’ll say they’ve been a couple for 2 years, when really it’s been 3 weeks THIS time and they’ve been broken up more than together. On the flip side, I’d say “engaged/living together/married only” except that I have >21 cousins who have been with their awesome boyfriends for years and aren’t engaged and I absolutely think of those guys as family. SIGH
Stupid +1s. Why can’t everyone besides me be single? 😛