(Closed) Should the guy choose the ring?

posted 9 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Hmm, that is tough b/c we chose the ring together – meaning that he told me to pick what I liked and he said yay or nay.  If he didn’t like it, we moved on.  If your FI really wants to do it on his own, maybe you should just give him guidance in the form of pictures or by taking him ring shopping to show him what you prefer (if you haven’t done this already).   

Post # 4
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

My husband picked out my e-ring all by himself – and he did a FANTASTIC job!  I had no idea he was even shopping.  I would say that if he wants to do it himself, let him.  Guide him with pictures and ideas of what you want, but let him pick it out – from what you say, it sounds like he wants to do it; there’s nothing like opening the little box and having no idea what is in there and feeling so, so loved when it is perfect and knowing he picked it himself.

Post # 5
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee

We picked out my ring together, and I was glad it worked out that way. It was just a really exciting day… I picked out a few styles I liked, so did he – and for the most part they overlapped. And then we were able to pick out an ‘engagement watch’ for him the same day, in the same way – where I got to pick from his choices which one to buy for him.

I just would hate to have to wear a ring I only kind-of liked, or one that was almost the right one. I’m happy knowing I’m wearing a ring that we both loved.

Still, I think that it totally depends on the couple. This was something we did together, that’s just us, but if your guy wants to do it on his own, maybe that’s more appropriate for the two of you? What about having a friend tag along? I’ve heard of guys taking BFFs with them for help, would that work for you? 

Post # 6
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

We went shopping together to give him ideas of what I wanted.  Then he told me "Ok, now you can’t look anymore," and bought the ring on his own.  I was totally suprised and it is absolutely perfect!

Post # 7
Member
456 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

We did a lot of looking together initially, to figure out what I liked. I didn’t know anything at all about rings, so I couldn’t have given him any input had I not tagged along and tried some on. I found I don’t like several popular cuts, so I’m really glad I came. We found my wedding band while shopping for e-ring ideas, so that helped him make sure the e-ring would work with the wedding ring I fell in love with. But in the end, he made the final decision and purchase without my input. I think he had every female in his life, from his twin sister to my best friend, look at it to make sure I’d like it, but the decision was his. And it’s AMAZING.

So I basically agree with what was said already. Give him some guidance, let him know what you like/don’t like (like I don’t like princess cut, baguette diamonds, or channel settings, and he needed to know that), and then let him do his thing. Trust him. As long as he knows what you hate, I can pretty much guarantee you’ll love whatever he picks out, because you know how much effort he put into it.

Post # 8
Member
456 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Also, men don’t like unsolicited advice. They take it as criticism and assume you don’t trust them to do well. It undermines their confidence. So if you’re sending him sites like that and giving him advice on things that are not about what style you like, you’re sending him the message that you don’t trust him and don’t think he’s capable of doing this himself. Which is probably why he’s blowing you off. Leave it alone for a bit. Then if you see something you really like, use that as an opportunity to bring it up. But only mention the styles you like, don’t bring concerns about any other aspect come into the conversation. He should be more receptive when he knows you believe he’ll do a great job.

Post # 10
Member
7054 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

T and I have had a sit down talk about what type of ring I wanted and he’s an intent listener.  He can remember tidbits from conversations we had last year.  I kid you not!  Can remember all kinds of stuff.

He also is picking it out.  He has awesome taste and for a manly kind of dude, he is stylish in many aspects I have to say (like can pick out a nice tie on his own).  He was so cute though, a few months back we were sitting in the living room watching a movie and he said "oh sweetie your hands are so small. (and he takes off my right hand ring and puts it on his pinkie) and gosh, it could never fit on my hand".  He did that more than once and the last time he did that (after the ring convo) he said "wow, it’s so small..what are you a five, seven"? 

Lol!    

Post # 11
Member
796 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

I’m divided on this. Before I got engaged, I thought the guy should pick it out, just because I liked the tradition of it, I guess. And, I should point out I love my engagement ring. But, I now sort of wish I had a hand in picking it out. I had no idea how many options there were for engagement rings (not until I saw all the rings on Weddingbee) and I might have picked out something different.

Post # 12
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

I am the same as <font size=”2″ color=”#81a026″>ktdid23</font>, my husband picked out the rign with NO direction from me and I absolutely love it.  I think its kind of romantic your fiance wants to get it on his own, I would say let him!  He wants to do this for you, don’t force the issue by going with him. 

Post # 13
Member
3332 posts
Sugar bee

I think every couple is different, but it sounds like he wants to be able to surprise you.  I think you could have a couple of conversations about what you like and what you don’t like, even just casually like "oh so-and-so’s ring is like what I’d want, I like a round diamond" or whatever.  This way, he gets some hints, but still can be creative. You can also give your ideas to a friend or sister and suggest he talk to her when he’s shopping.  I found out later that my sister helped give my fiance some feedback on my ring.

With my ring, I was adamant that I didn’t want to see it before he proposed, so I didn’t want to be involved at all in the shopping/selection process.  I thought it would ruin the surprise/suspense if I knew what it looked like.  We never shopped together at all.  I gave him some vauge parameters (not yellow gold and a couple of shape suggestions) but I stayed completely out of it.  I love the ring he chose, and it was extra special because I had no idea what it was going to look like until he opened up that box.

Post # 14
Member
1105 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

My FH picked out my ring all on his own.  I too, didn’t know he was even looking.  We had only been together for 5 months, and I hadn’t even discussed what kind of rings I was interested in.  But I’m glad I didn’t, he picked out a gorgeous ring.  We have so many compliments on it and no one can believe he picked it out all by himself.  Maybe I’m just one of the lucky ones!!!  I personally think it means more if they pick it out themselves, anyway it did for me!! 

Post # 15
Member
813 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I think you might want to give him ideas of what you like and what you don’t like, and then let him do the rest. You don’t want to take away his fun of picking your ring and surprising you, if that is what he really wants. After all, he knows you very well (or else you wouldn’t be getting married) so with a little guidance, he’ll probably do just fine!

Post # 16
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

He sounds pretty confident.  Do you think he does know what you want?  Maybe he got a clue when you were looking at e-rings or something?

This is tought though, because if you don’t like it, it’s not as easy to try to exchange.  Afterall, you’ll have had it to exchange vows, perhaps be blessed, etc.  Is there a way he could surprise you with it… before the wedding???

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