Post # 1
OK, I promised myself I wouldn’t make any more posts about my psychotic FSIL, but I’m seriously at a loss about what to do here.
FSIL and BIL are getting married on June 29th. OK, great, fine, whatever. We’ve known for a while, and planned to go and all that. (DH isn’t in the wedding, they’re not having wedding parties) We were told last week that a group of DH’s friends is getting together for a camping trip this weekend at a lake nearby. Well, DH has been working literally 70 hour weeks, and I have to work until 8:30 p.m. on Saturday for an event my job is having. So DH is exhausted and I will be exhausted when I get home. FSIL texted DH yesterday and asked if we’re coming, and DH said no because of the reasons mentioned above. She kept saying “Oh, well you could come after…” etc. DH just said we probably wouldn’t because we don’t get a lot of time together.
Now she’s texting DH saying that “it will really hurt” her if we don’t go and that it would “mean a lot” if we made an effort and went to this camping thing. Is this something for their wedding?!?! Last I checked, it was just a bunch of people going to get drunk and hang out by a fire. IDK if she’s turned it into something for her wedding, or if she’s just being flat-out weird. She keeps texting him saying this is hurtful and she can’t believe we’re not coming.
How do I ask her without it being awkward (or have DH ask) if this is wedding-related? If it is, I feel obligated to go. If it’s just a fun night, we’re not going. But IDK how to ask.
Post # 3
@QueenOfSerendip: It doesnt matter if it IS wedding related: you’re still going to the actual wedding and are in no way obligated to attend any pre-wedding get togethers if you do not want to. She is being a brat and I absolutely cannot STAND when you RSVP to something a polite “no” and someone keeps asking for why and trying to twist your arm.
Post # 4
You don’t ask – you let her know that you already said “no thank you,” and you’re sorry you have to miss it but you’ll see her the next time you see her.
Hope she can have fun without you!
Post # 5
They only gave you one week notice, you’re not in the wedding party, and she’s being rude for not accepting your polite “no”. Totally not obligated, and should not feel guilty.
Post # 6
@VioletSky: Ahh, thank you everyone! This is what I was secretly hoping to hear. I know bees are always the best resource for wedding-related ettiquete, so I will take y’alls word for it. Whew, I think I just dodged a bullet. 🙂
Post # 7
Don’t bring it up again. If she does, say no again, reminding her about the long work week and what not, and how you two will be physically too tired to go camping.
Post # 8
@badabing88: Thank you. Exactly this.
@QueenOfSerendip: I declined being a bridesmaid and I got shit on for it. I was really nice about it and explained to her my logical reasons…but that wasn’t good enough. An invitation is not a summons and you can either fit it into your lives, or you can’t. So what if you two just want to relax on the couch together? It’s your life, and your entitled. She has no right to make you feel like you need to attend – you are going to the actual wedding and that’s enough.
Your own family has to be your priority and you can’t let others jeopardize your own health and happiness. You’ve both been busy and need the time to be together – and there’s nothing wrong with that. I can’t tell you how many times we’ve declined invitations because we are tired from work or we just don’t want to go. Other than my crazy bride friend, no one has ever made a big deal over it.
Post # 9
Yes, you have the right to decline. In the future, don’t give her an excuse, just decline. Giving excuses allows them to either make accomodations for you or judge your excuse as poor and twist your arm about it.
Post # 10
Don’t feel guilted into it. It doesn’t sound wedding related, and honestly, it seems like she is just like my bestie. Love her and all, but she’s not one to really understand what it means to take a break and relax with your DH. She is the type who doesn’t really care if she does that herself and would much rather be totally swamped with seeing friends and going places.
I would just take it with a grain of salt… she’ll get over it. Do what you need to do. She’s being really selfish anyway.
Post # 11
@Apple_Blossom: Oh, girl you have no idea how far this woman’s insanity reaches.
@MrsPanda99: “An invitation is not a summons.” I love this! I just texted it to my DH haha.
Post # 12
So stupid, I hate people like this.