Post # 1
Our wedding is coming up in 5 months. My mom doesn’t like my fiance and doesn’t like anything we are doing for our wedding. We are a very laid back couple and do not care about expensive, fancy weddings. All we care about is having fun with our guests and getting married! However, my mom thinks we have to have some lavish wedding because all she wants to do is show off. Just because she lives in a certain city, she thinks she is better than everyone else including my Fiance, his family, and friends. Neither one of us have many friends or family so there would only be about 100 people at our wedding.
We don’t care about fancy flowers, venue, etc. We are having a family style meal, apps, open bar, two cakes, dessert, dj, photobooth….I don’t think we are depriving our guests of anything!! Fiance and I don’t care about flowers so I made the bridesmaids bouquets and we are making my brooch bouquet. We are DIY’ing centerpieces of cylindrical vases with roses, floating candles, mirror and votives. This is all “trash” in her words. She now says she LOVES flowers and can’t believe I would use fake flowers. We need “REAL” flowers she says(mind you, she did not tell me any of this while we were at the flower consultation. She told me my diy flowers looked great…) Fiance and I don’t go to church and do not care to associate ourselves with religion. Last time I went to church was my first communion. Here is another no-no with mom. “real” weddings are in churches. Then today she tells me my venue smells disgusting, the tiny lobby is crapy, it must be moldy, and how many times has it been flooded in the last 40 years….WTF!? I have been to weddings at this banquet hall and I had a great time! And it sure doesn’t smell funny!! Our wedding is on a Friday and “real” wedding’s are also not on Friday’s. We aren’t going to have a wedding rehearsal bc none of my maids will come, his mom lives far, the flowergirl has school, and I’ve never met his groomsmen and I’m sure they won’t drive the hour. My mom blames this on my wedding being on a Friday. HUH? 1. the venue can’t have rehearsals on Friday because they have weddings and 2. my friends are just unreliable so no point in paying $150 for just me and my fiance to be at the rehearsal. So then she blames it on me not having the ceremony in a church! OMG!
I seriously can’t take this anymore. I never wanted a wedding. I just wanted to go to Vegas. My mom has never said one nice thing to me. All this weekend she was telling me how shitty and too far my new house is and this and that (I just sold my condo and bought a new home that Fiance and I are building) She never said anything nice while I tried on dresses or about my e-pics. Then today she told me that there was nothing to say because I only tried on three dresses and not like she had anything to choose from. WHAT? We went to two salons and I tried on at least 10-15 dresses. Not one compliment or shred of happiness.
I can’t take this. What’s the point of having a wedding for a mother that hates everything? The only people who actually are excited we are gettubg married are my 17 year old cousin and FI’s mom. That is a lot of money to spend on people who could care less if they witnessed our marriage. Fiance and I have spent thousands of dollars on deposits and DIY stuff. I figure we can either lose all the deposits or maybe work with the vendors. Like get married in Vegas or somewhere small but see if the photographer can use our depost towards an hour or so of bridal portraits when we come home. Or maybe lose money but use our venue deposit towards the use of their wedding garden.
Has anyone cancelled their wedding so close to the date? Should I suck it up and just go on with things? I really do not want to spend my special day with someone who is just sulking all day/night about how “trashy” my wedding is.
Post # 3
Dont let your mom, ruin your day. You will never get over it. It happened to me my mother wanted to impress her friends and completely ruined my day. It was her wedding not mine. If you can cancel i would. Or have an honest chat with your mom, if she doesnt back off shes not invited.
Post # 4
ARE YOU MY SISTER? bc I swear I have the same mom.
It sounds like she’s upset about losing her daughter. Some moms don’t understand that they don’t lose a daughter, they gain a son. Have you moved far from her? She’s probably upset about that, too – and all the changes that come along with the wedding.
Not sure what her deal is and why she’s shitting on you, your wedding dresses, your wedding, etc.. You need to have a heart-to-heart with her and tell her that she needs to either accept it and only say nice things or not come to the wedding.
Post # 5
@ILoveMyKorat: the only thing that “stinks” here is your moms attitude. Do NOT cancel your wedding: you and your guests will have a blast and your mom can join in or sit in the corner and sulk.
Post # 6
You may have initially planned on having a wedding for your mother, but it sounds like you have put in some cash, time, and thought about how to have a great day with your guests. I say HAVE IT, and HAVE FUN. Also, have a very serious conversation to your mother about how you feel she is being overly critical. Let her know that you love her, but this is your wedding, and you want her to come support you, but you are tired of the comments.
I wouldn’t deprive some of your other guests or yourselves from having this day that you’ve planned because of your mother and a handful of cousins.
Post # 7
Did your mom get a wedding the way she wanted it when she was married? Also who is paying for the wedding? If you are paying and your mom had her day, my response would always always always be the same to her. Either I would just smile and nod, coin a phrase like, “thanks for your suggestion, I’ll consider that.” Or some other non emotional reponse. But dont let her have her day, on your time to shine. If you truly want to elope then do that too. I just really think you should get to do what you and your Fiance want to do. Period.
What would happen if you just stop taking her to vendor meetings and stop sharing info with her? I had to do this with a lot of people and learned to play it close to the vest in the early stages. A lot of the wedding was a complete surprise to most everyone. I planned everything on my own. And I liked it that way.
Post # 8
DONT CANCEL THE WEDDING, sounds to me like your mum will NEVER be happy with any of the decisions you make, why put yourself through the stress of cancelling everything based on one persons petty opinions. She’ll only behave exactly the same way if you cancel and come up with another plan. Its your day NOT your mums. Good luck.
Post # 9
@futuremrsk18: I moved when I graduated college and she has said mean things about it ever since. I bought a condo about 10 min away when I was 23 and that was a wrong decision too. Now Fiance and I will be about 35 min away (or as she calls it butt fucking no where). My dad died when I was 9 and it’s been a nightmare ever since. Fiance and I are now living with her until our home is done being built and yes, you’re right, i think she likes having the company. However, every day all I hear her do is complain about everyone and everything including me!! I’m so tired of it!! I may not always be happy and positive but she has never said one nice thing! Oh, but she’s always quick to take everyone elses side but mine!
My mom came in my room to “talk” but of course yet again starts a fight, blaming it on me. I told her that Fi and I do not care about anything besides a pretty dress, the awesome cake we picked out, eating whatever, drinking, and dancing to music. She can do whatever she wants because it truly doesn’t matter to us. Then she keeps telling me that all I do is start fights and how passive aggressive I am. 7 times later trying to explain I have never cared about weddings and we truly don’t care about details, she still things I’m arguing and nothing is resolved. She is soooooooo upset we want alfredo for our pasta. I told her that her table can have meat sauce. Then I’m so horrible because I’m singling her out! She does this ALLL the time! I agree with her and then she turns the tables!! There is no winning. I seriously hate my life right now and wish my home was ready so I never had to come back.
Post # 10
@ILoveMyKorat: Ugh, I’m sorry, I feel for you – I go through the same thing with BOTH my parents. I have no advice how to address it except to say that I would just let her what she wants if she’s paying. If she’s not, I would tell her to fork over the money for real flowers and meat sauce and whatnot.
Also, I would LOVE alfredo sauce over meat sauce 🙂