Post # 1
I’ve been reading these boards since I got engaged and you all give great insight into helping brides and I was hoping you all could help me as well with deciding if we should cancel our wedding.
My finance` and I were dating for a little over 4 years before we got engaged. We didn’t have the money to have the wedding within a year so we planned it for this year 2011 instead. My sister got engaged about 6 months afterwards, and during that time I told her all the plans we had for our wedding. After she got engaged she scheduled her wedding to be exactly 5 months before mine – granted, anyone can choose when to have their wedding,but considering that our family lives outside of the US this would mean everyone would have to travel to the US twice (first for her wedding and then again for mine).
Not only that, I find that everything I had discussed with her about my wedding I guess she really liked, and so everything – the wedding planner I chose, the florist, lights and colors she adopted for her own wedding (no harm,we just changed everything about our wedding so that it wouldn’t look the same, it was irritating but it’s fine, she’s my sister).
We had planned the wedding in a location other than where we live so that it would be easier/cheaper for the family to fly there but now, my family is saying they can not afford to fly twice in a year and will not be able to attend my wedding. Family is really important to me and I’m abit disappointed that after all this planning and making deposits, now they are basicallysaying no one will attend.In which case I could have planned the wedding in my current location and save ALOT of money by doing it local (saving airline tickets etc.).
We’re thinking it might be better to just cancel the wedding and get married at the local court house. No one will be present from family anyway so might as well lose the deposits and just get married with us two. I’ve never dreamt of a gorgeous wedidng, but I did want to have my family there and have photos and video of the day we committed our love to one another. Please, looking for some advice. I’ve weighed the pros and cons of the whole thing and I’m still just confused.
Thanks all for your help and reading for this long.
Post # 3
Wow, I just have to say that your sister sounds incredibly selfish. You handled her much better than I would have.
With that said, if the wedding isn’t really something that’s important to you then why don’t you elope somewhere awesome? If you’re fine going to the courthouse then go for it, nothing wrong with that, but if I were in your situation, I would probably opt to elope in some incredible location.
Post # 4
man, that sucks. but, if you are ok with eloping, then I would just go somewhere amazing with your fi, and maybe some close friends if they can make the trip, and get married and enjoy a wonderful honeymoon. Sometimes, while I loved our wedding, i wish we would have been able to do that.
Post # 5
Have you talked to your sister about this? Is she totally oblivious to what she’s done to your plans? Does she care?
At this point, if my family couldn’t come to my wedding (as you’ve stated) I’d ditch the current plans and plan something wonderfully special and memorable that my FH and I would remember and cherish like maybe eloping some place FANTASTIC, or marry in the courthouse or at the beach or something with just local family and friends in attendence and then go on an AWESOME honeymoon that we can now afford because we’re not spending all that money on the wedding.
Post # 6
I just woke up, so please forgive me if I just missed you including this info, but what about your SO’s family? Will they not be there? If so, would they be invited to the courthouse? I realize that your family won’t be able to make it, but it could still be a good time with his fam.
Alternatively, and you might really hate this idea, but I’m just throwing it out there, is there any way to reschedule your wedding for the same weekend as hers? That way, people would only have to travel once and be able to attend both! Like, yours on the Friday and hers on the Saturday or whatever? People might get a bit burnt out by the end of the weekend, but it could be fun?
I hope everything works out for you!
Post # 8
Wow! Your whole predicament sounds terrible, and my heart totally goes out to you. I cannot believe your sister did that to you! And you’ve handled that with such a grace many of us would not be able to display in a similar situation.
I would definitely say that since the big wedding isn’t that important to you and your reasons for throwing it no longer seem valid, then yes, definitely do something small and intimate. Is there any way for your family to be there? I mean, now that you’re not going to be spending so much money on the wedding you originally planned, can you fly to where your families are and get married there? Just a thought. And I agree with CaitMarae: you don’t have to go to the JOP (unless that’s what you want). You can definitely go somewhere really amazing and hire incredible photographers/videographers to capture your wedding. That’s why we cut our wedding budgets anyway: so we can afford to splurge on those big ticket items!
Best of luck to you and your FI!
Post # 9
Yes my sister is aware of the situation. But I don’t think she really feels like any part of it is a result of wedding. I don’t know, I’m mad about the situation, but she’s my sister. We were’t close growing up, but we’re very close now and I like to think none of it was malicious and she didn’t intend or could have forseen that this would happen. My fiance` says I turn to mush with my family so maybe that’s what has happened.
What makes it a bit more complicated is we didn’t want to deprive his family of the day just because my side of the ceremony will be pretty empty. We never gave much thought to eloping,just having the wedding or having nothing, but it does sound like a really good idea.
Thanks 2ndtime, MrsSl82be and CaitMarae for your suggestions and words.
Post # 10
@JenniBride: My finance`s family is on the east coast and some are out of the country also, but they would be able to make it a local ‘get together’.
Sister’s wedding is next month so no way to plan that close so no one else would be able to come, not even his family that soon. After everything, we realylwouldn’t want to do that. Besides, it’s her date/time and I don’t want my wedding to be some after thought, if that’s how they would view it then they might as well not show up.
Post # 11
What about eloping somewhere fabulous and then having a party in your hometown either when you get back (with just FH family) or on your 1 year anniversary and hopefully your family can attend! I understand how disappointing it can be, most of FH’s family can’t come to our wedding for a variety of reasons.
Post # 12
Since you want to include his family, what about planning a wedding close to where they are or even go the destination wedding route ans go somewhere tropical? While DW’s can be just as expensive as traditional weddings, if you want to do something simple with a handful of family that are able to make it, I’m sure that could be very affordable. Then you still get to have an awesome wedding but also an incredible trip.
Good luck with whatever you decide!
Post # 13
What a difficult situation. You have shown such grace, maturity, and dignity considering the circumstances.
My daughter recently got married and although we did not have your situation, she had many family members from our side and her husband’s side who could not or would not attend the wedding.
Her new in-laws live in South America and could not get their visas to attend the wedding. We had many family members in Pennsylvania who said because the wedding was in Florida (where they live) they would not make the trip.
My daughter and son-in-law still had the wedding as planned. There was nothing we could do about the visa issue and we couldn’t force people to attend the wedding. We invited almost 90 people and 55 attended.
The wedding was beautiful and everyone had a great time. The people who chose not to come were the ones who missed out on a wonderful day.
Please think twice about cancelling your wedding. Consider your fiance’s family. If they are planning on attending, do not deprive them of seeing you get married and celebrating with you. Consider their feelings. How would they feel if you cancelled the wedding because your family isn’t coming? Would you do the same if your fiance’s family wasn’t coming? You do not want to look back at your wedding day years later and regret your decision.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
Post # 14
You deserve something special, and without, you will later regret and possibly hold this against your sister. I’d say go totally opposite her so that it’s “your” wedding story ! 🙂 I’d tt the people who matter the most to you and FI, ask them if they can afford a DW and go for it. This way you have your own bragging to do that is in no comparison 🙂 Good luck with everything !! 🙂
Post # 15
Have you talked to your sister about changing her date? Maybe she hasn’t realized what she’s done. You should sit her down and explain everything and ask her to move her wedding. She might go for it, you never know.
Post # 16
Sighs! I feel your pain, girl. As an older sister, I could see myself in your shoes (thank god my sister is quite a bit younger) – asking her to move the wedding probably isn’t even an option anymore. But I agree that maybe you should talk to her about this. Sometimes wedding planning will cloud a girl’s ability to think about the people closest to her – maybe if you just sit her down, you two can work out a solution together?