Post # 1
I want to have a wedding but I hate to think of spending so much money on one night. Our wedding budget isn’t even very expensive (10-15K) compared to other brides but it is still alot of money, especially since only my FH is the one working.
I am enrolled in a professional program and do not want to work because I want to put all my efforts into school. My FH and myself are the ones paying for the wedding.
One of the main reasons I want a wedding is because I want to wear a dress. My FH says I should want it because I want to share this night with friends and family, but in reality I probably wouldn’t share any nights with half of the people on our guest list on a regular basis. Some of these people are friends of my parents and others are ex-coworkers of mine and coworkers of my FH.
So I was thinking this morning…should we elope? But does elope mean just my FH and myself run out of town and get married?
Ideally what I want is to have my traditional catholic wedding in a church with my dress and only our closest family members, but I feel that if I have it in town, I will feel obligated to invite everyone.
What to do??
I guess my other option would be to wait 3 years until I graduate and have a job where 10-15K wouldn’t be as hard to come up with as it is now.
Post # 3
Whittling down the guest list to only your closest family and friends is tricky. I am having a wedding with just 20 family members and then having a larger reception a week later that is more casual and party atmosphere like, where I think I will feel more comfortable being surrounded by acquaintences because we already had our private wedding ceremony. You could always have a destination wedding somewhere and get married at a Catholic church – and this way only your closest friends and family will travel for the wedding. Either way, you should invite only the people you want to invite and have the event that you want. Elope if you want to. But don’t elope if you are just trying to avoid whittling down the guest list. Are there friends and family who would support your decision to have a more intimate wedding? Maybe enlisting their help would help give you the support you need to make the hard decision to shrink the guest list.
Post # 4
I would love to have a destination wedding, the only issues is that my FI’s parents will not travel. They are in their 80s and are just not the type to get on a plane or even sit in a car for such a long period of time. But I want my FIs family to be there.
I guess my biggest issue is the price tag of a larger wedding because I feel obligated to invite people that I am not close with.
How do I leave people off the guest list without feeling bad?
Post # 5
Leave them off, then send them a wedding announcement once you’re married to show them that you still had them in your mind. We are having a very small DW with only 20 guests, but will be sending announcements to about 70 others that we care about and couldn’t invite!
Post # 6
So the purpose of wedding announcements is to let people know that you’ve gotten married?
Do you think that might seem as fishing for gifts?
How do you state that they weren’t invited because it was a small, intimate wedding?
Post # 7
It’s really to let the people who weren’t invited know that you got married and what your new name/address is. It shouldn’t be seen as fishing for gifts as long as you’re not sending them with that intention. The people receiving them don’t have to get you anything they don’t want to. They can just send you their well wishes! Afterall it’s not like they were invited to the actual wedding. But it’s a nice gesture to let people know that you were still thinking of them and cared enough to let them know that you’re now married.
We’re sending announcements but within it an invitation to an at home reception we’re having after our wedding. That way, all of our family and friends that weren’t invited to the wedding can come and see us in our bridal attire and celebrate our new marriage. It’s much more informal and much easier to plan! So our announcement is acting as both an wedding announcement and an invite! But I’ve seen wedding announcements that do just that, announce that you’re married! I’ve never felt the obligation to purchase the new couple a gift.
Word got around to our family and friends that we were having a destination wedding allowing only 20 guests and so they all knew they weren’t getting an invite. So word of mouth let everyone know that they weren’t invited but we also let everyone know we were having the home reception which I think they all really appreciate!
Post # 8
ELOPE, DO IT! I am seriously wishing we would’ve done that. You will save yourself SO much money and stress. Sure, weddings are fun, but at the end of the day it’s about the marriage not how elaborate your wedding was. I say take your closest friends and family, and go somewhere beautiful and tropical.. have a simple ceremony on the beach and forget everything else. You could always send announcements afterwards for those co-workers and friends of your parents. I still want to elope and it’s only 25 days ’til the wedding.. ha.
Post # 9
Have the wedding with just your close family if that is what you want. If you feel obligated to invite the other people, just throw a casual party afterwards. That is what we are doing for all the people who are invitation fishing. We’ll buy some wine for maybe a couple hundred dollars tops and tell everyone no gifts but bring a dish to pass. Some of my neighbors had a 25th anniversary party exactly that way just recently (they provided cake and a band, period). The party kicked butt.
Post # 10
Do it! I’ve been thinking that a lot lately. I love FI and can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with him, but weddings = money and drama. Unnecessary. But I’m not the girl who dreamed about my wedding when I was little, so take that into account.
Why not have something small with just close family and friends then have something bigger & more casual afterward like a BBQ or something low-key. You can indicate on the invites that guests need not bring gifts. A college friend had a DW in St. Thomas a few years back & her invite read “Your presence is our present”. I thought it was classy & cool.