Should we give a gift, even though we didn't get one?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
1298 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Happy Donut:  If I were in that situation, I wouldn’t hold it against the friend and not give her a gift for her wedding just because she didn’t get you one for yours. It shouldn’t be ‘an eye for an eye’ IMO. If you don’t feel right giving them a cash gift, then pick out something you think they would find useful. 

Post # 3
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

emstar168:  +1<br /><br />Send them a gift and don’t play tit for tat.

Post # 4
9525 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Two wrongs don’t make a right! Her bad behavior would not excuse yours. But I might take it into account when choosing an amount to gift…

Post # 5
6446 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

You don’t give gifts to receive gifts… I would give them the normal amount of cash that I usually give other friends for their wedding.

Post # 6
6666 posts
Bee Keeper

A gift is based on the closeness of the relationship as well as ability to afford.  It’s possible that she was really broke at the time.  No need to go  overboard on a gift, though, and it might even embarrass her if you did.  If I were her, and this had weighed on my  mind, I would have sent an anniversary or housewarming gift.  

Post # 7
1648 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2000

I would get something small, like a $30 wedding picture frame, that way it’s “something” but not exactly nothing.

Post # 8
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I would give them a gift. This is obviously weighing on your mind, so I wouldn’t get anything great. Maybe some cash in a card or pick something small off the registry. I will admit that I’d think the same thing like ugh…but I couldn’t go through with not getting them something. I think you should. 

Post # 9
1869 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I was just married about 6 m ago and I have people that I am in this situation with too….. the non-gift giver has brought it up at least once to say “oh! I am so terrible I never got you a gift” but nothing has come of it… her wedding is going to be pretty expensive for us (friday wedding so missing work, flying home, hotel, cabs around city, etc) which is making me even less generous. I did give her a really nice shower gift (happened to be home for another reason so I sort of had to go since I was in town)

Post # 10
3389 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think it’s rude to attend a wedding and not give a gift. I would still give a monetary gift with a card if I attended this wedding. Two wrongs certainly don’t make a right. 

Post # 11
10748 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

I’d still gift them but I might go less than I would otherwise.

Post # 12
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I would give a card. As petty as it is I wouldn’t gift her cash. Actually I just wouldn’t attend her wedding.  Omg that’s awful. I sound like a snot.

Post # 13
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

it is a little off putting that she suddenly remembered she didn’t get you anything 3 years later after she was talking about how she wants cash for hers. i’d do a little gift like someone else mentioned, like a picture frame. 

Post # 14
3989 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Two wrongs don’t make a right.  Get them a gift.  If anything it will make them feel bad/worse for not extending the same curtousey.

Post # 15
753 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

We had this same situation happen to us. We decided to just give less than we would normally. Then we never received a thank you. Honestly, in hindsight I wouldn’t have given them anything. Call me rude, but really that way its even.

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