Post # 1
FI and I got engaged two weeks ago, and his mom suggested that if we wanted an engagement party, she would throw one for us. I had been throwing the idea around in my head for a few days anyway. FI and I talked about it and we both thought that might be kinda fun if we did. He likes the idea of registering for something but I think that is tacky as we already live together and don’t necessarily need anything. Plus, I think it would be greedy since we will be registering for the wedding.
However, his mom said that typically you only invite people to an engagement party that you would invite to the wedding. Therein lies the problem because we are only inviting close family and a couple close friends to the wedding, we are trying to keep it at 50-60 people so I don’t want to be rude if someone asks if they are invited and they aren’t :/
We aren’t getting married until October 2015 so we have a while…
What do you bees think? Should we have a party and invite people that won’t be invited to the wedding? Is that totally rude? Should we just have a small get together for people we know we want at the wedding? I don’t have anyone on my side that wouldn’t be invited to the wedding but FI probably has a larger headcount because his circle of friends is a tad large…
I am just so happy I get to marry the man I have loved for such a long, long time and I want to celebrate! I know the wedding will be a celebration but…being engaged is so much fun!!
Did anyone else have an engagement party dilemma like this? I don’t even know if people still throw parties for this or not. Should we just not have one? What is standard for this? Help!!
Any advice or experience from any kind of engagement parties is appreciated! 🙂
Post # 3
@taylorkirby: You can’t invite people to your e-party that won’t be invited to the wedding. Same applies for bridal showers and any other wedding related party. Its really rude of someone to ask if they are going to be invited to something. If you should come across that, you simply be honest and say “we are having a small engagement party just for close family and friends”.
Also, I have never heard of people registering for gifts for an e-party. For the wedding, yes, but not for e-party.
Me, personally, we did not have an e-party. We don’t believe in them. I actually started a thread about this snd learned that there are a bunch of reasons why people have e-parties. But where I live, people have e-parties in hopes of “raising” money for a wedding OR if they are having a destination weddding and they know a lot of people won’t be coming to the wedding, so they can celebrate at the e-party.
Post # 4
@Daizy914: So people have e-parties in the hopes of getting money? That seems stranger to me than getting gifts haha. I mean, I like the idea of that, but it just seems odd.
I don’t really know what people customarily do in my area in regards to e-parties or bridal showers which is why I am kinda ‘meh’ on everything. I don’t really want a bridal shower and we are going to have a joint bachelor/bachelorette party when the time comes so I thought maybe having an e-party would be nice, you know?
It would be kinda like a mini wedding if we only invited people invited to the wedding but it makes perfect sense not inviting people who won’t be at the wedding.
Thank you for your advice 🙂
Post # 5
@taylorkirby: Lol yea..I think registering for gifts and “asking” for money is both strange.
An e-partyiwould be like a preview of your wedding lol
if you invite someone to the e-party abd not to the wedding they will think you forgot to invite them, or they would find out they weren’t invited and then you will be thought of as rude.
Post # 6
You only invite wedding guests to pre-wedding events and I have never seen anyone register for an e-party. It isn’t a gift giving event but I have seen people take a photo frame or a bottle of wine as a nice gesture.
Have the e-party if you wish but only invite those invited to the wedding.
Post # 7
I would only invite people that are going to be at the wedding. It would be pretty awkward to be invited to someone’s engagement party and then not the wedding. Who are the people you would invite to the party and not the wedding?
My FI and I had our engagement party a few weeks ago, and it was so much fun! We only invited close family and friends, so it was about 35 people. On the directions card I put “Your presence is the only gift required” (I know this isn’t technically proper etiquette, but it was the right call for us and our guests) and for the most part people stuck to it. If anyone asked, I explained that since we aren’t getting married for two more years (Aug. 2015) and are still long distance, we didn’t want to accumulate any items before I moved. Actually, the only gifts we received were checks from people who couldn’t make it and my mom’s best friend gave me a ring holder. We honestly just wanted to get everyone together to celebrate, especially as the wedding is so far off, and everyone got that. To the people saying that these parties are only for getting money or being gift-grabby, I say that the people you’re inviting know you, they know you’re not that type of person, and therefore know that that’s not the reason for the party. I’m so glad we were able to share our happiness with our family and friends at our engagement party!