Post # 1
My FILs have not had a thing to do with planning our wedding, actually barely show interest in our wedding. Actually when I called them to say hey your son proposed his dad said oh crap no he didnt. (ya almost had me in tears) They never even got me addresses for their side of the family, I had to call people or find people on my facebook and get the information myself. They are not contributing any money to the wedding or paying for the rehearsal dinner, its not that they dont have the money, they are on vacation right now and jare talking about booking a 12 day cruise in the Mediterranean 3 months before our wedding (not cheap trip according to his father who talks about all the money he has stashed at his house constantly). We have never once asked for money or expected anything from them although offering to even help me with anything, not monetary help, just any help, would have been nice.
So the discussion of invitations came up wtih my mom this weekend and although my parents arent paying for a whole wedding they have helped us very generously and the rest is being paid by my FI and myself. I want to put my parents name on the invitation as they have been there for me every second of the way and are willing to go above and beyond to help. My mom thinks we need to put both parents on the invite, I dont want to. Am I wrong for not wanting to give credit to them when they have done nothing? My FI doesnt care if his parents names are on the invite or not just so everyone knows. He doesnt have any explanation for how they are acting about the wedding, except they arent use to “normal” weddings and they dont think about things the way we do, which is fine but just dont want to give them the same type of credit I am giving my parents.
What would you do?
Post # 3
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
Traditionally, only the hosts are listed, so that would be your parents. The groom’s parents are often included either to show that they are contributing or because you worry guests on his side won’t recognize his name (and therefore whose wedding they are invited to) without the parents listed.
Post # 4
I say, to keep the peace either everyone or no one. I understand you want to honor your parents, but maybe there is another way of doing that vs the invites.
Post # 5
I say stick with tradition! If only the hosts get listed, only list the hosts. This is one time where etiquette is on your side.
Post # 6
My in laws were the same way, uninvolved financially and supportively and they too live extremely comfortably. Towards the end they would offer to pay for certain things, rehearsal dinner, “anything we needed help with” but when it came to it we got no help. Which is what I expected anyway so we had already budgeted accordingly to what WE could afford.
I was like you, I didn’t want to put their names on the invite and just my parents since my parents did help emotionally and financially and why should his parents get any credit. Well my mom got mad at me for this. She said it would be rude of us and it wouldn’t do me any good if I made my in laws look bad (even if they deserved it). My FI was like yours, he didn’t care either way since he didn’t get what it meant if you put their names on or not and he didn’t think his parents’ knew or cared either. In the end we put both our parents on there….what I kept telling myself was: even though they might not have been supportive of the wedding in any way, the very least they did ….was make my husband 🙂
Post # 7
@yellowshoe: I agree with you. I really think that you should just put them on the invite. It may be that one small thing that opens the door for you with them that you might be suprised about. My MIL wa not at all involved in planning and could not afford to put anything in while my parents were very helpful where they could be and jumped in at the last second to really save our wedding, but we still put MILs name on the invites and his whole family noticed that. They all mentioned it to me how sweet it was that I put her name on there and called attention to her in that way and even though she would never say so to me, I know that she loved it or they would not have mentioned it.
Post # 8
Could you just put it as
MOB & FOB invite you to the wedding of their daughter
son of FFIL &FMIL
Post # 9
Not putting them on the invites seems kind of petty on your part. Just be nice and put them on, it will save potential drama you don’t need.
Post # 10
We are not including FIL’s names on our invites. Not that they haven’t been supportive and great, because they have, but because my parents are paying for it all and from the ‘etiquette’ research I’ve done on invite wording, I think it’s appropriate. My parent’s names were not included on my brothers’ invites and as far as I know they didn’t feel slighted- I think it ‘s just traditional. My FIL’s are paying for the rehearsal and their names will be on that invite. That being said, I’d go with whatever you feel best about. If you don’t want to- you’re safe because of etiquette. If you decide to include their names- great! One last thing- one of my SIL’s has told me she has regretted not including my parent’s names on the invites. However, she is close with my parents and that could make a difference in a decision.
Post # 11
Can you just do “together with their parents” or something like that? It’s technically correct, since you and FI are also hosting, and it doesn’t explicitly exclude anyone.
Post # 12
@j_jaye: This is exactly how we worded our invites. My parents are paying for most of it, but FILs are listed later on as parents of the groom. Worked out well for us. Its just showing that they are the grooms parents and doesn’t imply that they are hosts or have contributed financially.
Post # 13
They’re not hosting, so you don’t have to include them.
Post # 14
@j_jaye: I think that’s probably the best way to word it. It shows who’s hosting and who’s not.
I would be inclined to leave their name off, but for the sake of avoiding unnecessary drama put it on there.
Post # 15
Generally you can put your FI, son of blah blah blah.
Sorry they suck.
Post # 16
Thanks for the ideas everyone I probably will put them on there but as son of type of thing! I honestly don’t even know wha. The etiquette of any wedding stuff is but just in case I’ll keep them on there!